Well, maybe not all men.
Dated a man for 5 months. All of a sudden he went on a date with a new woman and I have been completely replaced from that instance. We are now less than 2 weeks since their first date and they have spent nearly half of that time together (she’s come from a different city and stayed at his house – she’s been there since last Sat and I guess will remain the weekend). She’s even been meeting his friends, etc.
I’m heartbroken and he’s wanting to be friends despite taking no responsibility for his actions. I requested he cut her out of his life if he wants to build a friendship with me – he refused. We have been unable to speak face to face as she’s always there, and prioritised.
Please help me understand....
How can he replace me with her so quickly and easily.
Why are they so full on and spending so much time together so soon after they first met.
Why wouldn’t he cut her out his life to keep me as a friend if I mean so much to him. He doesn't know her but he knows me.
Why he is prioritising her over me and why isn’t he making the effort to speak to me in person.
3
149
Why do you want to be friends with him? He’s a tw@.
0
133
I don't think I will be staying friends.
Whats going on with this bit though..........it bothers me...........
How can he replace me with her so quickly and easily.
Why are they so full on and spending so much time together so soon after they first met.
4
138
Getting under someone else?
0
156
My guess is that he fancies her more than he fancies you. Sorry.
5
142
U sound like a nutter. He's well out
1
126
Guy sounds like a tw4t.
from one who knows.
im sorry, hamster, get shot of him.
it’s not all of us tho. Promise.
0
146
Rex does make a good point
0
133
this is pretty context dependent
when you say “dated for 5 months” what does that mean?
0
124
He’s not going to cut her out of his life
and if he did, why would you want to be back with someone who just did that?
0
140
Yeah, clearly not. I’m guessing that just comes from feeling hurt and rejected rather than an actual expectation.
0
133
Actual dating, plenty of regular quality time and in contact in-between etc
0
144
Chimp.... yes definitely from feeling hurt. I requested it days after their first date. I said that if he wanted to have friendship he would need to rebuild the trust/respect. Having her there would be a constant reminder of what's gone on and what caused me so much hurt. I would just resent him. Plus she continued to pursue him despite learning of me, which I disapprove of (yes I know he's to blame).
3
126
He's an arsehat and didn't see you as a human. Move on. Don't try to understand it other than he's a cock. Hard swerve and take joy in the fact you didn't end up married to a total w**kstain like that.
0
129
For the first time ever, what Rex said. Is this really about “being friends” or is it about competing with the other woman?
4
147
How can you be friends with someone who is so blasé about your feelings, and why would you want to be friends with such a horrible person?
He sounds sociopathic.
Sounds like you’ve actually had a narrow escape.
0
149
I will never date him again. We had previously talked about staying friends if we ever stopped dating (not like this though) and I may have entertained it if she didn't remain in the picture. But now given that he shows little to no remorse, etc and can't even speak in person, it's a no to friends.
0
131
I wouldn't fight for him chimp. She can have him after what he's done
0
128
Marshall my friend said he was one of those as well.
There will be no friendship.
1
138
Good. Onwards and upwards.
3
145
Dump, block, and move on
0
147
Yes what Phoebe says. Don’t waste your time. Blocking is great as you forget people much quicker.
1
134
While you don’t exactly sound like the most altogether sane individual and this all seems rather ‘fatal attraction like’ with you posing a serious threat to bunnies.
It is also possible on the facts presented that the chap involved is a narcissist.
This would appear like a classic discard of the old vs love bombing of the new supply.
1
138
The fact you’re even entertaining the idea of staying friends suggests you think you may get back together and have a future which is a mistake. The opportunity has gone.
Men are arseholes (and I speak as one). As everyone has said, delete and move on.
0
140
Have the nieces hacked riskys laptop?
1
124
Pretty common behaviour for men and women to move on comprehensively. Perhaps stop stalking his every movement and move on as well? Easier said than done, especially as you seem to be rather compulsive about him. Block and move on, or face a long recovery period.
4
144
Hi IG. you managed to get quite a few people to take you seriously here. Congratulations. Didn't really have to invent anything too outlandish either. Just posting weirdly about someone fancying one person and then deciding they fancy another person is enough to get people motoring apparently.
0
129
Sounds like he’s banging the living daylights out of her.
3
144
This exact thing happened to me years ago. The reality is, and this will sound harsh, whilst he’s a tw@t for handling it the way he did, it is you, in that he just doesn’t like you as much as he likes her. He’s just not that into you.
2
143
This is the 21st century. Polyamory is cute. Bring your m8 Alan along too.
2
138
Obviously bin him off but the most plausible explanation is he finds the other person more physically and mentally attractive. I wouldn't take it too much to heart (easy to say, difficult to do) as he'll probably sack her off sooner rather than later.
0
132
33 replies and only one mention of Alan …
0
122
I miss crypto
1
145
Apologies for the bluntness, but he is simply just much more into her.
Also in the interest of fairness this happens the other way round as well.
Men meet girls all the time who they totally fall for and then the girl meets someone else and gets banged morning, noon and night while the dude weeps into his pint (rather than posting on a lawyer website).
(FAOD I have been on both sides of the equation).
Block him, get under someone else (as the new woman will be getting it in spades) and move on.
Do not try and remain friends. This is only possible if you were friends long before you started fooking each other. And even then it is very rarely possible.
Herendeth the wisdom of Iamlong.
0
114
A little peek on Facebook via a proxy never did any harm. Just to check if they're really happy in those honeymoon snaps.
1
126
weird behaviour indeed
unfortunately the guy you thought was your boyfriend may be a dickhead I think
2
153
So many quest coming out of this.
Why would you want to be friends with him after he left you for someone else?
Why do you think he, having left you for someone else, would then cut that someone else out to be friends with you?
What are your tits like?
What are her tits like?
Etc.
0
136
He’s being polite. He isn’t actually bothered if you stay friends.
0
145
Is this risky or IG?
0
132
I always thought Cinders was a Crypto sock puppet.
1
136
Oh and what Rex and the chimp said
1
143
I haven't been able to make up my mind about that, Bentines. Is Crypto so in need of attention that he'd invent a female character to accuse him of cheating on her?
0
141
And what Spurius said. It's not even a plausible impression of a real person.
2
131
I got the impression that Crypto created a few characters on here, all of whom interacted in real time like some unspeakable RoF version of Shutter Island. Suspected the earlier incarnation of Rumpole was also a cast member.
I need to go for a walk or something.
0
145
Anyone over the age of 22 who says they are “dating” needs to have a word
0
148
What's the new word for dating?
He will be blocked before the day is out
1
132
That's classic IG: not even acknowledging the suggestion this is a wind up.
1
118
No wind up Orwell.
2
135
I went out with a girl for about 5 months; some of it was a good fit, some of it now.
Then I met someone else who was an even better fit and spent a lot of time with her instead. I’ve been with her now for over 25 years.
Way of the world, innit.
3
164
Srsly. The OP is pretending not to understand the phenomenon of someone falling in love with someone else and ending a short relationship.
And people are genuinely trying to explain this and saying the guy in the story has been a dick. As if nobody in the history of mankind has ever had more than one sexual partner before.
Wtaf.
1
152
When Orangehamster split up with the guy in December via WhatsApp (see RoF passim) it must have sent out the wrong signals. It's a learning curve.
0
148
For context, how old are you and the man in question?
0
148
Can you fall in love after one or two dates?
He talked me back around in Dec
.....I'm on my way to meet him.....hoping I will get some answers.....
I'm in my 30's and him late 20's....so yes I appreciate the age difference
Still he could have told me no more dating before he met her for first date. Apparently he was going to date us both had I not have caught him out
0
147
Also, when you say dating, how serious is it? 5 months is not that short but not that long either.
I know this from experience with one girl who fed me breadcrumbs for a year.
0
143
Heh for Octo.
I’m with Spurius (and, tbf, Orwell as well) on this I’m afraid. Still, I’ll edge this towards a tun for you.
0
132
If there was agreed exclusivity -> his bad. No agreed exclusivity -> all is fair in love and war.
0
131
It’s not ‘dating’ after 5 months it’s called “in a relationship”
Otherwise it’s called its “fwb”
what he was doing is called “cheating”
maybe this is all old person language these days idk
0
144
That sounds pretty standard for a modern twenty something. Most of them seem to be polyamorous anyway.
0
128
Is IG Italian Guy?
0
121
Stan that's brutal, man.
0
145
OrangeHamster, it sounds like you are trying to hover over his new relationship and dictate the terms
0
141
well hang on if you broke up with him just over a month ago and he “talked you round” it’s hardly “all of a sudden” he’s dating someone else
and on the previous thread you said it was your fourth time trying to break up with him - in four months of dating?
0
132
Maybe I got some answers..
So.... as soon as I met him he said she still here (our city) and then made it very clear that he wasn’t happy about it. Seemingly she came through last Sat for the night and then kept asking to stay another night and another night, which he had felt he had to say yes to. I questioned about her not having any clothes etc...Apparently she had turned up Sat with a big bag for the night and he had wondered why so big at the time. She’s been at the local spa 2 days so must have had her bikini packed. He reckoned he was desperate for her to leave and go home but didn’t want to tell her as the other day when he said it she cried.
Seemingly she’s always laughing and he likes that. But she is hyper all the time. Even if he takes her out to a restaurant she’s like it and has no awareness of anyone else there. She just does what she wants. Apparently she doesn’t sleep, just a couple of hours and then wakes up. She was jumping on his bed at 5.30am Tues morning in her shoes...he wasn’t happy. There’s too much sex for him as he’s knackered (he works long hours). She’s distractible and apparently just not normal. But he wants to get to know her as she’s different.
My response was, I was looking at her social media the other day and chatting to a friend about it. She reminds me of myself when I was unwell, hypermanic. What you have just told me still sounds like it but obviously I have not seen her so could be on the complete wrong lines.
At this point I thought forget asking him to cut her out his life...... I made the point that she sounds like a punishment in herself.
Apparently he doesn’t like her anymore than me. He said if it wasn’t her it would be someone else. He couldn’t break it off with me before as he didn’t want to hurt me and would have continued to date me if I hadn’t found out. It was clear from when he was talking that he’s not in love with her but not looking to move on from her either. Seemingly he told her that I was just a friend that he used to date in the past....I called out his lieing.
He didn't make a move but he mentioned about wanting to kiss me before we parted ways. I obviously pointed out hes dating her now. There was a lot of touching and hugging.....I presume because we were used to being like that before, I don't know.
....It is quite a genius move finding a guy to start dating and moving yourself in for a week to explore the city...accommodation is so expensive nowadays.
0
156
"She" also claimed to be dating 2 men at once on another relatively recent thread.
0
154
Feeling chill....yep..... all resolved within 48hrs max. But it was back on before that weekend was out.
0
130
Orwell.... I was at one point and then finished one to be with this one
0
147
I presume 3sum is out of the question?
0
137
Martian....sadly wont happen. I don't like her on the basis she continued to pursue him after finding out about me. If not then sure it would have been.....with another man though haha
0
141
heh
you had me in the first half orange, i gotta say
0
133
There worse problems to have...
0
122
One man not enough for you then?
2
133
This thread is not real is it?
0
140
It won’t take someone long to work out stories don’t add up but I can’t be bothered!
0
144
They should add up as it is very real.
0
136
I have been schooled.
Well done Orange, a very amusing fable.
8/10
0
134
I’d be slightly scared of any ex who’s social media stalking my current lady…
0
136
Summersails it's been less than 2 weeks.....that's how it works nowadays with social media
0
144
After I’m dumped I don’t even find out who else they’ve met to look them up.
0
150
I didn't get dumped the normal way though. I caught him on the actual date
2
143
OH, just retire gracefully now M8.
0
128
How do you manage to accidentally catch him on a date?
0
147
That is one long story
0
143
OH, he doesn’t sound like a nice guy. You have dodged a bullet
0
144
Agreed Walsh
Did I say he was trying to get me to meet her..... that i find bizarre
5
153
This all seems made up.
2
154
I hope it is, for the OP's sake.
0
134
The effort involved is perplexing to me. What drives it?
0
130
Is this a screen test for ‘Fatal Attraction II: Double Trouble’
0
146
I really wish it was made up
I'm getting breadcrummed a couple of messages a day now. Cannot bring myself to block him
0
143
It’s Horace and Cinders all over again.
0
157
Hi IG. *Waves*
Let me ask you something: what’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? The very first thing.
0
137
heh i remember this thread
cant believe it took some people so long to get it
0
137
I feel super rubbish......
Ended up trying to be friends like he wanted because quite clearly I'm an idiot. I couldn't deal with the big change in communication and him talking about her.
I said I couldn't be friends. He wanted to know why. I tried to speak to him but couldn't as was crying so much. He called n3xt day on Tues to check inwas ok and convinced me to agree to meet him this last weekend to talk. In between I saw her Valantines Day flowers and snapped at him for first time, getting angry. Turns out I was mistaken and they were flowers she brought herself and posted online with a caption that made it look like he got them.
Too late though as I had called him a liar when whe first told me she brought them herself. I have apologised since but he is clinging onto it and has only spoke once since Wed evening to confirm that's what he is angry about.
He wouldnt confirm the weekend meet he wanted and didn't take my call. So I told him we were done for good this time on Sat morning. I've heard nothing since.
He still talks to her but hasn't seen her since the weekend mentioned above. He had previously told me he was stopping talking to her but clearly not happened.
All I want is to hear from him and see him. I cant stand the thought of losing him for good.
Advice for all options pls........
1
125
He seems toxic AF
0
131
Disagree with Marshall. Very poor wind up. 2/10.
0
145
No wind up, promise
0
138
This guy sounds like a Grade A Asshole and you are well shot of him.
0
135
Congrats on the ton...now it's time for the Scooby Doo mask off reveal moment, OP.
0
140
I sympathise. This post must have been really difficult for you.
thoughts with you at this difficult time. Don't feel embarrassed, it's them not you.
4
140
I can only imagine how upsetting it was when you'd stayed away for 11 days and then returned to realise the thread had still not tunned.
2
134
Rof can be a cruel place at times
Join the discussion