My cousin is early 30s, makes a very good salary working in tech / sales type role. I am guessing his yearly income must be close to £100k.
A few years ago he asked his parents, both retired after working in a factory, for money to help with his home purchase. They gifted him £75k, almost 3/4 of their life savings. He purchased the flat and moved in with his gf. His gf didn't contribute to deposit nor does she pay the mortgage. In the 3 years he has owned the flat he hasn't invited his parents over to see the flat, despite them asking and his mum even buying a new dress when she assumed an invite was forthcoming. The gfs parents come and visit monthly.
Recently his parents needed money as they had to meet a number of unexpected costs. They took out a bank loan, he knew they needed money but didn't offer to provide a loan himself. 3 months later, he took his gf to Thailand for her birthday.
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What I meant was he does has lots of disposable income; gf got a tag heuer as a bday gift last year, another year it was a holiday in New York, for their anniversary she received a new car.
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whats you point?
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have his parents said they regret it?
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I don't really have one other than its an example of how I see some children, mainly sons, treat their parents.
I have another cousin who rents a 5 bed house in a nice part of London. He is unable to make the monthly rental payments without substantial help from his parents. He could move to a more affordable house but his wife refuses to move. His parents continue to support him because they fear being cut off from their grandchildren.
I
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Your cousin does sound ungrateful and selfish but maybe he thought the 75k was a gift. Seems odd that he hasn't invited his parents over. Maybe they should initiate a visit, or just turn up one Saturday.
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seems very odd to be analysing a huge relationship (i.e. parents - child) through a couple of financial transactions
" how I see some children, mainly sons, treat their parents."
?? Don't mean to be rude but that is an odd statement?
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Yes @ clubman. Giving a large proportion of your savings to a son who doesn't invite you to the house you helped purchase? The father def regrets it the mother says their son is just to busy.
Its the fact they had to take out a personal loan when their son could have helped but decided not to. That isn't particularly nice.
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What is weird is knowing how much your cousin earns and the details of his and his parents' finances. Wtf knows that sort of shyt?
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What Archibald said.
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The assumption one makes here is that there arent particularly deep relationships between these family members and that the parents feel their fiscal contributions should "buy" some sort of relationship but one would assume that perhaps they didnt put the time in earlier in life building thus relationship with their son in the first place.
Appreciate that sounds harsh
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Maybe its a cultural thing. Its mainly sons who ask for money and its the daughters who end up cleaning their brother's mess.
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dash117 Dec 18 10:26
I don't really have one other than its an example of how I see some children, mainly sons, treat their parents.
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maybe the parents shouldn't have raised a horsehumping thunderkhunt
and
seems odd all your friends are like this
is your elderly mum locked up at the haribo processing facility and banned from stepping over your threshold?
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I can see where the OP is coming from, I too am appalled and irritated by the ungratefulness and indifference dislayed by many (adult) children towards their parents. Here the parents sponsored the gaff and have not been invited over despite asking (why do they have to ask?). Seeing something like this would make me cut ties with said friend. If he's an asshole with his parents, he will be an asshole towards you at the first opportunity. Now, if you want to be happy in life, you need to get rid of all the assholes.
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"His parents continue to support him because they fear being cut off from their grandchildren."
fooked up
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"The cousin will not invite them round in because he is ashamed of his parents and does not want the girlfriend to see them."
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then don't take the money if they are that bad
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"In the 3 years he has owned the flat he hasn't invited his parents over to see the flat, despite them asking and his mum even buying a new dress when she assumed an invite was forthcoming."
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WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE NEW DRESS?
WHY HAS NO ONE EVEN MENTIONED THE NEW DRESS?
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As always in these cases it is the story of a week man with a selfish wife/ gf
'The gfs parents come and visit monthly.'
'wife refuses to move'
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This is not at all uncommon from my experience of the conveyancing. I particularly enjoyed one meeting with clients where my comment about equity release reducing the amount that they can leave to their children resulting in a diatribe about their son's girlfriend and how they will have nothing to do with him as long as he's still with her.
I have the alternative joy of trying to find a girlfriend who doesn't mind the fact that I'm going to be living with my parents.
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he's probably pissed off that his parents gave him such a paltry amount tbh
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Is he trying to get her to dump him or something?
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he may not earn as much as you think and all the gifts he spunks on his girlfriend could be bought on credit card, meaning he didn't have money to loan his parents.
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The other usual situation I see is one or two siblings who manage to fund their own lifestyles and then a third who is constantly being bailed out by parents much to the irritation of the other two.
My parents got it right and effectively gifted me the money to build them a new house.
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Personally I think it is pretty appalling behaviour.
Parents should just leverage themselves up to the eyeballs and enjoy themselves. If he is only child he can pay off the debt on their estate when they are gone.
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Amber you'd like my granny who did just that. Died with a massive overdraft and her will was a complete work of fiction as there was no money for any of the cash gifts she'd included.
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the other extreme is my father, went to holidays 4 times a year and left me absolutely nothing - not even symbolically
I wonder what to think of that. he was upper middle class and then as a pensioneer not v rich, but rich enough for holidaying. he did not rent (flat went to his wife who cared a lot about him so it's ok)
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I really hate kids talking about 'their inheritance'. Its not 'their inheritance' until your parents are gone. Up to then its their money and they can spend how they like for example on fast cars and faster women/men if that is their decision and its done completely under sound mind.
DD as long as your dad left no debts I would say good for him if he enjoyed himself and its no disrespect to you if left nothing. Sounds like your dad had the right idea.
Going back to the originally I think the son is a Grade A shit. Really hard on his mum it seems. As I say I were them I would fook you, off to Vegas.
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