The disgusting phenomenon of the law firm dirty protest has reared its ugly head once more, this time ruining everyone's day at Dechert.
One of the men’s toilets at the firm has been closed for a deep clean because "someone shat on the floor vs in the porcelain bog", said a source calling himself 'Dog Egg'.
No top Decher(t)s either, please.
A majority of the Dechert lawyers who entered the RollOnFriday Firm of the Year 2019 survey rated its toilets as good. A source close to the firm said the relevant loos were shared with other tenants and with drivers using the loading bay. She suggested that one of them was more likely to be the culprit than any of Dechert's well-heeled staff.
It is the second reported toilet attack on a firm this year. In May, Teacher Stern hunted a prankster who plugged u-bends with loo brushes.
The dirty protests appear to come in bursts of three every three years. In 2013, the floor of Herbies' ladies' loos in its Belfast office was plagued with faeces. The same year, Irwin Mitchell blamed a dog for a neatly coiled turd next to a filing cabinet, and a deranged lunatic actually managed to fill the soap dispensers in A&O's Belfast loos with effluence.
A team of statisticians worked for days to produce this.
All was quiet and clean for the next three years, until on the eve of 2016 a woman shat outside Mills & Reeves' Norwich office in full view of its horrified occupants. Within months, a poo was left in a bin at DAC Beachcroft and a madman dropped a bowel movement down the middle of a stairwell at Trowers & Hamlins.
By RollOnFriday's calculations, that means one more nightmare is due in 2019. If you're the final victim, write in for a chance to win a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine.*
*unclaimed from a booze hamper sent to RollOnFriday.