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Where dreams come true.


It's tough to stand out in law, but a firm of conveyancers in North Notts has managed it through the simple expedient of replacing themselves with celebrities.

Fidler & Pepper Lawyers are "a friendly bunch", according to their website, but there is a caveat: "If you want to look at the Directors' profiles then follow this link but we warn you - it's not a pretty sight!"

"In the name of common decency we have withheld photographs from the site for as long as possible, feeling that this could simply be too disturbing for some visitors", explains Fidler & Pepper.

"Unfortunately, we could prevent this no more, and photographs have now crept into this site. Those of a nervous disposition should immediately return to our home page. Stronger characters may feel brave enough to look below, but we accept no liability for prolonged viewing of the following shocking images".

Au contraire: thanks to a wise decision to spare the general public's sanity, the firm has opted for snaps of Lulu, Andrew Lincoln, Tom Cruise, George Clooney and Holly Willoughby instead.

The profiles live up to their illustrations. According to her entry, Jo Godson AKA Lulu "grew up dreaming of being a police officer but sadly was not able to pursue this as she was a good 8 inches short of the minimum height requirement at the time".

jo

Egg, otherwise known as Richard Howard, "qualified as a solicitor in 2010 on April Fool's Day (I'm saying nothing)", and his profile records: "First official grey hair - 2nd April 2010".

richard

Matt Slade, explains the profile's author, "supports Nottingham Forest FC to a fanatical degree and has played cricket at County level (he forced me to add this bit)". He also "enjoys running and entering 10k races and beating his friends and gloating (ah bless)".

matt

Matt is the younger brother of Managing Partner Mark Slade, which may explain why he was saddled with a tarnished scientologist as his alter ego, whereas Mark got Clooney.

The elder Slade was born "on the day country singer Patsy Cline died in a plane crash (how obscure is that link!)", and "programs in Unix Shell Script, html, Coldfusion, Javascript, and most recently Jquery. If that means nothing to you then you are probably a normal human being".

mark

Known as the "Office Mum", Wendy Walker "keeps the staff amused with her slightly out of tune singing voice and a smile on her face". According to her profile, the director has "a naughty Puppy" called Peanut who "keeps Wendy occupied and her cupboards stocked up with cleaning products". Understandably given all that, Wendy enjoys "a glass of gin or two and the occasional spa day".

wendy

Top marks to Fidler & Pepper for illustrating how Bonkers Law Firm Websites are so often the Best Law Firm Websites as well.

Can you get top marks? Use a washable marker pen to pair up the right director with their celebrity stand-in on your screen:

FIDLER QUIZ

Answers: no.

Tip Off ROF

Comments

Anonymous 29 April 22 10:41

I was entirely expecting to hate these bios but, I must say, it does make a pleasant change from the coma inducing websites from most firms 

Anonymous 02 May 22 22:08

Nottingham is Britain’s oddest metropolitan legal market.

You’ve got firms like Brown Jacobson, Freeth and Quality Solicitors who absolutely thrive in the absence of any meaningful competition, their solicitors genuinely buying into their own hype, but still knowing that they must never test themselves by working in another city. 

You’ve got firms like Geldards who base themselves alongside a nearby motorway rather than allow staff the indignity of working in Nottingham city centre. 

You’ve got a phonebox sized Eversheds office which gives the market some legitimacy, albeit rather like an appendix, nobody understands how it has survived or what it actually contributes. 
 

Then you’ve got Fidlers who get that it’s all a bit of a joke, so why not go along with it… 

Anonymous 04 May 22 13:18

This is just lovely.  I would much rather see this than repetitions of the anodyne 'Forward thinking and progressive ethos' bollocks.  I am a fan of the Red Hot Silly Peppers.

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