Insomnia

Went to bed late last night after a long working day and an evening reorganizing things because my mind was whirring and I couldn't sit still and watch telly. Classic stress head needing a holiday. To try and be productive rather than restless and disruptive to others, I set about clearing out the garage and organising stuff in my workshop. Then I was last in the house to put my head down at about half midnight and I woke up bolt awake at 3.30 precisely. 3 hours. 3 miserable hours. It's not even dawn yet.

I have wasted an hour stirring around in bed as my mind starts thinking, and it has set off sorting out work ideas which is, frankly, not conducive to further sleep. So I have given up battling a non-sleep state and have got up, made tea (nice one - Assam), set the washing and dishwasher off, stroked the dog's ears (as she sighs and grunts about NOT having insomnia so will I fuck off, yeah?) and now sat down at my computer to work before I have an exercise class at 8am. By now, however, Doggers will have completed the harvest for East Anglia and corrected the imbalance in world trade, so I consider myself an amateur.

I am working up a script for some filming I have to do today. No, sadly not some half hilarious comedy that used to be funnier, but a set of intros to work vlogs with me, pasty faced, panda-eyed and exhausted, squinting into a ring light trying to make my shiz interesting to clients.

This whole episode is proof I need to draw a line under a busy few months of zoom and work pressures. I have had a few ragged weeks of late being a bit cross with people and stressing to get things done, now my sleep pattern has gone to fuck and my brain is churning which happens as a warning to take a holiday and read a book. I will have to carve out time this afternoon for a nap or the whole bloody cycle will start again in the evening.

One thing I learned from when the children were babies is don't fear not sleeping, some how you will manage and readjust. As a society we grow up thinking "oh fuck I've had a disturbed night, how will I get through the day, shit shit shit" and that immediately anxious state just awakens the mind even more and you worry at stuff rather than lie back and have another go. We have to retrain to just give in to the unsatisfactory situation and redeploy ourselves then rest later.

I am awake before that family of magpies that's been living in our garden this summer. This is one up to me. Every dawn they chakachaka about scratching up leatherjackets and worms and talking to their young to teach them how to wake up humans. I might stroll around the garden and wake them. See how they like it.

Oh no.

I now have a recurring song in my head.

Don't fear the reaper.

It came in as I wrote "Don't fear not sleeping". The cowbell and guitar riff kicked in.

Now I can't get "MORE COWBELL" out. I may do the vlog filming with a tank top and cowbell, big hair per this timeless classic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVsQLlk-T0s

Now unless I can offload this worm, every time I wake up I am going to get knock knock knock knock "don't fear not sleeping" duh duh dowwwwww for eternity.

NOW I understand recreational drug use.

I am not clicking on that link mutters

am also up - bed at 11pm, rudely awakened by teething baby at 2am. She’s been snoozling since 230, I am very much still up with mind whirring etc. It’s now dawn and I am watching bunnies hop around the field next to our house which is nice. Hols next week and my goodness I need them.

That link is hilarious. Saturday Night Live, Will Ferrell etc Blue Oyster Cult. Sure you've seen it before. But you will get the earworm for ever after

I have seen it. That’s why I’m not clicking! Don’t need that ear worm right now....

will Ferrell is a genius

I have written two pages of script and am about to finish the first edit then will save and go for a walk. There are a lot of deer out in the field margins this morning. Roe and Muntjac. I can see nine from my window. No wonder the dog gets in a frenzy round there. It must smell like a curry house to her.

Squinting into a ring?

Clearing out the garage is very satisfying, we did it yesterday. We also now have a stockpile of tinned and packet food in case of vuvuzombiegeddon.

you do have to go out of the house to get into the garage tho so I may have to give cover from a bedroom window with a nerf gun if society collapses completely

You’re right about not being afraid of not sleeping, except of course it dates from a time and a place when it was a symptom of having a terminal illness. So best to count your blessings.

Having to do your own vlog ffs. What’s the comms team for if not that shit or are you a control freak about that too? You’re lucky to have the countryside to walk in.

Have a better day.

The sleep gods giveth and the sleep gods taketh away.

I have just had the first decent night’s sleep in about a fortnight. Perhaps there is a limited amount of slumber available at any one time and you have to wait your turn.

I slept the sleep of the just as per

Nice hools. I plan a big one for tonight. And a good sleep too etc

Try getting yourself some Kokoon headphones to help with getting to sleep and sleep tracking

This could be the saddest dusk I've ever seen
Turn to a miracle
High alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hand's tired, my heart aches
I'm half a world away here
My head sworn
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Go it alone
Hold it along and hold, hold

Much missed they are.

Excellent and irrelevant insight on this thread. So. I have been awake for ages. Didn't get that nap. Got stuck on work stuff well into early evening from my absurd 4.45 get up. And I have a few things to finish then bed, then no work for a week. Acers. I plan to walk the dog on beaches until my legs wear out and I collapse into a heap of sleep.

Good luck, mutters!

Thank you

Yeah live Rof it

Courage, mon Mutters!

I wonder how this night will fare.

“Sleep no more!/Mutters does murder sleep”

A little roffing will cleanse us of this deed

You wish

ffs

Someone posted a very amazing but obscure REM song...my fave band of all time. Woo.

Why is melatonin such a crime in the UK? When I bring it back with me from Canada or the USA I feel like I'm smuggling opioids. I take 5mg chewable tablets, helps sleep immensely.

By melatonin and choughs and rooks brought forth
Opioids, the secret’st man of blood.

As far as I’m concerned this night needs to get started. It’s already nearly midnight. In three and a half hours I will have been awake for 24 hours ...
If it were done then ‘t were well it were done quickly...
no, that’s not the mindset. Wrong play, egads.
how about ‘to sleep, perchance to dream... At there’s the rub, for in this sleep of death what dreams may come...

This insomnia season was prefaced by a dream stage where I had terrible ones about family. Sacrifices, burning, terrible decisions between loved ones. Urgh.