Two partners at a German firm have portrayed themselves as supernatural space Gods to communicate their mastery of law.
Dr Arne-Patrik Heinze and Henning Heinze set the bar high by titling their advert, "Dr Heinze & Partner, rock stars of the legal world and the coolest lawyers in the world". Expectations are raised further by the opening titles of their commercial.
The duo's faces are hidden for the opening minute, during which they are depicted speeding to the underground carpark of a theatre in a pair of Mercedes.
So far, so alpha, although the machismo is slightly undone by subtitles which refer to Dr Heinze as 'Anne' throughout.
There is a hint of the madness to come when the footage rewinds and the theme from Knightrider kicks in.
As the music builds, Arne-Patrik gets slap applied while his giant brain processes decision trees, A Beautiful Mind-style.
With only a small amount of assistance, he dresses himself.
Next, the pair tackle stairs while a voiceover describes how references to Dr Heinze & Partner are 'like thunder' in the ears of opponents, and the building shakes in agreement and possibly fear.
Get ready, it's...
With an explosive fist bump, the boys prepare to send viewers reeling.
As a source commented, "it gets properly weird" at the two minute mark, when, unlike your boring Managing Partner, Arne-Patrik emerges from the sea.
Crackling with electricity, he bellows, "In all your cases, WE! HAVE! THE POWEEEER!"
A vortex splits open and Arne-Patrik sucks up its lightning.
Channeling the potency of this alien realm, he manifests Henning.
The duo take a moment, resembling Gilbert and George if the artists were beings of pure energy.
Almost entirely consumed by self-love, their aura is so blinding that the firm's other employees are mere shades behind them.
Returned to the earthly plane, a juiced-up Arne-Patrik hisses 'Yesss!" as the Heinzes prepare to negotiate a great deal for their client, confident in the knowledge they can blast the other side into a sooty stain on the wall if they cause any trouble.
If you've seen partners indulge their despotic fantasies of Godhood, or anything else bonkers, get in touch. In the meantime, the full version with sound is recommended.
Comments
97
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Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
74
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Jeez.
There’ll be quite a few managing partners kicking themselves (and their marketing teams) that they didn’t come up with that concept first.
87
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Incredibly cringey.
87
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who said germans had no sense of humour?
82
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I expect the message they were trying to get across was that you can be a serious lawyer and have a sense of humour(?) at the same time. But really it’s a bit of a giveaway.
Just remember next time your MP/CEO presents at your strategic planning weekend or annual conference - this is probably how they really see themselves.
70
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I wanted to like it but couldn't find a way to
79
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tragic
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Zuul, Clortho and Gozer LLP
71
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love it
thought what is with the germans and putting Dr on everything, it's weird
81
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Who said they don't have a sense of humour?
60
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I have competition.
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I'm particularly taken by the last clip. Arne-Patrik: 'Henning, I am about to negotiate. I need you to stand by the window.'
87
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It would be humorous if it were ironic, but, having lived in Germany, I think they mean it
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Sumoking 06 May 22 11:04
A German colleague of mine with a German doctorate, told me that under German law, the doctorate title is legally part of the name. Previously the use of "Dr." in Germany without a German doctorate or medical degree would be illegal, but these days the status is unclear. Nevertheless, the title is important, after all this is Germany.
80
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The German sense of humor is no laughing matter.
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Who knew Dr Heinz practiced law when not making ketchup and soup….
68
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Toe-curling. Few clients, employees, judges, anyone really, will admire this.