nuke anything

His tweets will still be hazardous 5,000 years after they've been buried in concrete.


A senior lawyer with a sensitive role in the nuclear industry has deleted his Twitter account after his attempt to woo an engaged woman on the social media platform was accused of risking national security.

The middle-aged solicitor, whom RollOnFriday is not naming, is legal counsel at Urenco Group, which is part owned by the UK government. The company operates uranium enrichment plants around the world and supplies nuclear power stations in 15 countries.

The incident occurred when 'Nuke' declared his love for a woman he met at a lunch in a stream of tweets in 2015. The woman, whom ROF is not naming, occupied a senior position within the RSPCA and was engaged to be married.

In his opening gambit on March 10th, Nuke told the woman, "You do some amazing work! And I would love to come for an evening walk with Moll one afternoon or evening soon".

The woman let Nuke down gently four days later, replying, "Not sure my fiancé would be happy. :)"

But she reckoned without the incredibly long half-life of a nuclear lawyer's passion. Nuke replied, "so you are engaged to be married? I was rather hoping to spend the rest of my life with you too. Can we meet for lunch or dinner?"

Nuke continued, "and I don't really care about your fiancé - only about you!"


nuke 1


The next day Nuke asked the woman, "are you receiving my other mail too?" and posted his Urenco email address and mobile number, telling her, "Do please get in touch". 


nuke 2a


The following morning Nuke sent the woman a link to a poorly translated ode called 'Good morning poem for lovers', reproduced below.


you reassure me with a hug
as warm sunshine greeted the morning
we are longing at the alter of love
dancing in the silent night
awake at the brink of dawn
when a flower blooming

sweat falling like a dew
in the bowl of honey
moisten the whole body
chimera wander towards of you
together with a few stanzas misses
which is silent in your arms

chimera wander towards you
together with a few stanzas misses
which is silent in your arms

good morning my dear
i hope our love always be as warm
the morning of sun


The woman replied, "Could you please stop. Your persistence will not get you anywhere. I am very happy".


nuke tweet


Nuke told her, "Alas, I cannot stop, I fell in love with you over lunch that day and I have never stopped loving you ever since". He vowed, "I will wait as long as it takes....even if we are both well into our nineties!"

It took an off-Twitter intervention from the woman's future husband to send Nuke packing, which he acknowledged in his last tweet on the matter. "I have just spoken briefly with your fiancé. I am sorry if my messages have caused you any offence or upset", posted the chastened solicitor.


nuke 5

 


The record of Nuke's doomed romance remained on Twitter until a member of the public became involved in an altercation with Urenco and complained to the UK's Office for Nuclear Regulation (ONR) in 2019. They alleged that, amongst other things, Nuke's tweets risked national security by providing his contact details and information which could enable bad actors to compromise him.

The ONR carried out an investigation into the allegations which concluded in late 2020. In its response to the complaint, it said that "the public disclosure of a telephone number (business or personal) or a business email address does not constitute a breach of national security".

"However", it stated, "it is appropriate for ONR to assess the nature of some of the comments placed on Twitter".

Nuke's radioactive tweets were passed to the ONR Vetting Authority. It would not disclose its findings "in accordance with national security vetting policy", but approximately a month later Nuke's Twitter account was deleted.

A Urenco spokesperson told RollOnFriday, "It was a personal decision by the individual in question to delete the tweets and close the account".

"Urenco has also looked into this and we can confirm there wasn’t a security breach", added the spokesperson, sweat falling like a dew in the bowl of honey, moistening the whole body.

If any readers are looking for someone with whom to share laughter, poetry and long walks by the reactor, drop an email to RollOnFriday headed, 'U Ranium, I Jane', and we'll see what we can do.


Alternatively, private practice lawyers and staff can declare their love for their firm in the survey below (or confess they want to leave it).

Tip Off ROF

Comments

Dr Strokeoff 15 January 21 08:48

"Urenco" sounds like one of those suspiciously-packaged male virility products they sell in Chinatown or in the dark corners of the internet.

Anonymous 15 January 21 09:00

Did he think he was sending these as direct messages or something? What a buffoon!!

Anonymous 15 January 21 09:41

I think my favourite bit about this whole saga is her fantastically direct, but polite, "can you please stop... take care". A really classy way to send the message clearly.

I just wish that people were so polite to my unwanted LinkedIn dm's really...

Anonymous 15 January 21 10:10

“They alleged that, amongst other things, Nuke's tweets risked national security by providing his contact details and information which could enable bad actors to compromise him.“

Martin Freeman intensifies.

Jamesmatthews 15 January 21 10:42

Bloody hell, I know these kinds of things happen to women, but it's still mind blowing levels of deeply obnoxious persistence. 

To be fair to the person who reported him as a security risk (as opposed to a harasser), if I was a Chinese spy agency I would definitely see him as a target for a honeypot. 

 

Anonymous 15 January 21 10:59

Predatory behaviour. I'd like to see a transcript of the 'brief' conversation with her fiance. And this guy's actually quite lucky she didn't report him to the police for harassment, especially when he carried on contacting her after she expressly told him to stop. 

Anonymous 15 January 21 11:29

@Jamesmatthews - hang on a moment, I'm off to Twitter to proposition some random female acquaintances.

If that gets the Chinese to shell out for a smoking hot honeypot for me, then that's just an added bonus. 

Sir Woke XR Remainer FBPE MBE 18 January 21 16:01

So the synopsis of this story is: busybody reported man for ancient tweets; nothing happened.

Anonymous 19 January 21 13:07

Sir Woke, you can reduce anything to a nothingburger with a crap synopsis.

'Man dies 40 days after leaving a cave'

 

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