The Untalented Mr Ripley.

An American fugitive is fighting extradition from the UK by pretending to be a chronically ill Englishman called ‘Arthur Knight’. 

Nicholas Alahverdian was a convicted sex offender and alleged fraudster wanted by US police until, in 2020, he faked his own death from lymphoma.

An unidentified ‘widow' phoned American media claiming that he had died, been cremated, and had his ashes scattered at sea. 

A gushing online obituary described how "Nicholas Alahverdian's battle for life ended on February 29 2020” and that the disadvantaged families of Rhode Island ”whom he inspired and led through turbulent government transgressions have lost a warrior that fought on the front lines for two decades”.

Soon afterwards an English gentleman named ‘Arthur Knight’ popped up in Glasgow sporting a somewhat unplaceable accent and claiming that he was a professor working at the University of Glasgow.

Neighbours said he liked to wear large hats and bow ties and would visit pubs in three piece suits to opine loudly on Brexit while drinking whiskey.

One local told The Times, “For someone who was on the run, he really liked to draw attention to himself”.

Alahverdian was arrested in Glasgow's Queen Elizabeth University Hospital in December 2021 while he was intubated with Covid, after his arm tattoos were recognised and generated a tip-off from Interpol. 

Since then Alahverdian has vehemently denied being Alahverdian as he fights extradition.

Although he was released on bail last year, he is now back in jail despite various excellent strategies like refusing to give police a sample of his DNA or his fingerprints and allegedly attacking a prison guard.

knight faces

The many faces of (L-R) Knight, Alahverdian, Knight, Alahverdian.

An interview he conducted with US show Dateline several months ago is now due to be broadcast.

In a promotional clip that resembles a comedy sketch, Alahverdian appears absolutely flabbergasted when it is suggested that people don't believe he is Arthur Knight, even though he gave himself the most English name he could think of and dressed like Billy Bunter.

Alahverdian was interviewed alongside his British wife, Miranda Knight, and explains, “We were once a normal family, but thanks to the media our lives have been interrupted”.

Speaking through an oxygen mask, he continues, “And we'd like privacy and I would like to go back to being a normal husband, but I can't because I can't breathe, I can't walk”.

In an attempt to prove his condition, he then declares over his wife’s objections, “People say that’s an act - let me try to stand up, let me try to stand up”, and staggers halfway to his feet before slumping theatrically into his chair as she tries to stabilise him.

“Exactly, exactly”, he says.

knight fall

Knight fall.

When asked whether he is actually Alahverdian, as the Scottish courts concluded several months after the interview, his eBay Harry Potter glasses steam up with distress and he gasps through the mask, “I am not – Andrea, I am not Nicholas Alahverdian, I do not know how to make this clearer!”

Challenged by the interviewer whether he’s putting on an act with "crocodile tears", he sobs, “That is a low blow, that is a very low blow”.

In a land where Jacob Rees Mogg is real, couldn't there also be an Arthur Knight?

The valiant Arthur Knight's ongoing battle for justice in a world gone mad has seen him sack at least six lawyers.

He has also argued that his fingerprints were tampered with to match Alahverdian's, and even claimed that, when he was unconscious with Covid in hospital, someone tattooed him so he would resemble the US fugitive.

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Tip Off ROF


Hartog 28 April 23 08:42

Ask him a question only a true Briton would be able to answer, such as which is the superior flavour of Space Raiders.


(I’m not telling you which, in case he reads ROF)

Anonymous 28 April 23 10:42

+10 points for the Alan Blacker shout out.

Miss the days when he would pop up on a bi-monthly basis to brighten up our lives.

Wonder what the loveable old crank is up to now? (aside from gas-boiler fitting and Mozart-esque courtroom advocacy while dressed as Liberace)

Oxford, Cambridge... Hull. 28 April 23 10:55

There's only one way to find the truth here. Get the man tied down to a chair with a potty on his head, then pop his todger between two floury baps, and shout "Dinner time, Fido!"

Anonymous 28 April 23 10:59

The last I heard, Blacker was working with celebrity (of a sort)

Arthursleep 28 April 23 11:21

FYI Blacker is active again on Linkedin and is desperately in need of likes on his posts. Couldn't even get any reaction to a post denouncing anti-gay laws in Uganda.

Anonymous 28 April 23 16:04

See the website WIX, still offering legal services, free or what is seductively termed 'after the event'. Testimonials, the lot. How is this permissible?



Wildoats 29 April 23 00:34

Whisky or whiskey? Even the English know that when in Scotland you drink whisky. If he was drinking whiskey, in Glasgow, in public, he’s blown his cover.

Wetevidencecollector 29 April 23 01:34

I'd say his plan commenced unravelling when he started drinking whiskey while claiming to be English in a Glasgow pub.

I-hated_equity-trusts 29 April 23 22:23

I like the cut of his gib..... aren't the SDT hiring these days?

Marshall Hall 30 April 23 09:02

If he’s that disabled it must be asked how he manages to get dressed  up like Sir Bufton Tufton.

No doubt some historical family photos of him can be produced at recognisable UK places, and former neighbours will be flocking to attest for him.

3-ducks 03 May 23 12:11

"opine loudly on Brexit while drinking whiskey"

Odd that he should be drinking an Irish beverage while posing as a Scot, but perhaps that was part of the act? 

Jamie Hamilton 03 May 23 13:19

'Odd that he should be drinking an Irish beverage while posing as a Scot'

Rookie error by me, apologies to my grandfathers, to readers, to the directors, and to Arthur.

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