ROF

A solicitor has defended a client accused of "aggressive driving" by arguing that his client has two holes for his anus.

Solicitor Michael Kelleher's client, a carpet-fitter, was charged with driving without due care and attention when he mounted a kerb and almost hit three men.

The men were standing outside the Castle Inn in Pembroke, Wales, when they saw the carpet-fitter's white van heading towards them. Prosecutor Nia James told Haverfordwest magistrates that although the van narrowly missed the men, "it was travelling too quickly and they could have been seriously hurt."

"This was aggressive driving," James said, adding that other witnesses also expressed concern over the manner of the driving, according to a report in the Western Telegraph

Kelleher, defending his client, said: “This is a hard-working man albeit with a very awkward physical problem. It’s very difficult to think of a way of describing his problem, other than he has two holes for his anus instead of one.”

Kelleher told the magistrates that his client was in the area for a job, "didn’t know his way around," and ended up driving the wrong way down a road. "This certainly wasn’t aggressive driving but a momentary lapse of concentration.”

The client pleaded guilty to the charge of driving in a public place without due care and attention, and was fined a total of £317.

RollOnFriday contacted Kelleher's firm for comment, but it seems to have taken the Buckingham Palace approach of "never explain", when it comes to this type of defence.


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Comments

Anonymous 13 January 23 09:54

Sounds like he's in a hole lot of trouble.

Anonymous 13 January 23 09:58

Because shitting yourself with one hoop is a minor inconvenience that can be ignored but with a double-ring it's game over.

Gobblepig 13 January 23 10:04

Sounds like he retained one of the anuses to act as his lawyer.

Anonymous 13 January 23 10:16

Truly, an anus horibilis for the poor Defendant.

Anonanon69lolz 13 January 23 10:36

The Judge's threats to tear him a new one somewhat redundant

ShootyOriginal 13 January 23 10:51

It does seem like there is a move towards an apporach of "My client is a bit of a freakshow. Check out these facial tattoos! Please go easy on him."

MPFC 13 January 23 11:11

"And now for something completely different: a man with three buttocks."

Anonymous 13 January 23 11:56

The fine would have smarted for a month. Now, instead, his reputation is made for a lifetime. And this was good defence?

Anonymous 13 January 23 13:28

How did the lawyer verify this?

Nayland12 19 January 23 16:04

A committed lawyer. He knew his client's arse was on the line, and he wasn't going to just stick two fingers up.

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