A back-to-basics high street firm has stomped into the Bonkers Law Firm Website hall of fame and told everyone else to stop showing off and just do the damn work.
A. L. Hughes & Co's website, which it declares to be "the best in the universe", is a sensible size - one page - and eschews fancy graphics for a single black and white photograph showing the view from the firm's office on Streatham High Street in the 1960s.
"Currently the road is a red route, with perpetual congestion", explains the introduction for the refreshingly honest site.
It was voted "the least attractive high street in Europe", so "by all means look up at the attractive gabling and tilework, but watch out for potholes and abandoned debris beneath your feet", the firm warns.
A.L. Hughes is leery of contemporary law firm workflows. "The modern way is to have semi-qualified or even unqualified staff doing the nuts and bolts of transactions, uncomprehending of the underlying law or practice", it states.
"Well, stuff that", retorts A.L. Hughes. "All the legal work in our firm is done by the three Solicitors listed below".
There's Norman Mann, who was admitted as a Solicitor in 1969 "at a time when people used quill pens and sacrificed goats to ensure successful house moves". Unfortunately, anyone interested in conducting an occult rite with Norman is out of luck, as "he is a consultant now and will not take on new cases".
Frances Holton has two Schnauzer Dogs who "keep her very busy", while Laurence Mann "is involved in a Community Choir, but will not sing at you without giving notice". None of the lawyers are pictured. That is because they're here to work, not be your eye candy.
A substantial potion of the site is given over to advising cold callers that A.L. Hughes "never ever buy anything or commission any services whatsoever from people who write to, email or telephone us offering such things", and that "you are wasting your time if you think you will be the one exception to this rule. You won't be".
The notice is comprehensive:
A section of ‘Local Links’ is also illuminating. The website author at A.L. Hughes states that A History of Suburban Streatham is "very interesting", but has a lower opinion of Lambeth Council: “If they can find a way to help, I'd be surprised".
And that's about it. A.L. Hughes just doesn't have the time or inclination to indulge in internet nonsense. The firm even explains why:
"The reason this website does not have floating frames, CSS, RSS, ISS, drop-down interactive and context sensitive menus, and other bells and whistles is that we are more interested in getting on with legal stuff than playing with these things. And who really wants them? Do you?"
Not when the alternative is this, no. Congratulations, A.L. Hughes - proving that cool doesn't try.