This week's entry into the bonkers hall of fame is a German firm with superspy trimmings.
George Partner (yes, it's called George Partner) comes with a private jet, intelligence officers, and even...an exclusive Client card. To prove it, the firm showcases awkward young lawyers posing in a stunning video montage.
"Just heading for a meeting in a private jet. NBD."
"This plane is writing cheques your suit can't cash."
"Ach nein, a two hour flight of amending contracts. Chicken, please."
Back at the office, lawyers hold al fresco meetings on balconies.
"I wish we had some chairs."
"ACTING NATURAL, ENJOYING HUMAN COMPANY"
"We have chairs in this room, can I sit down?"
"Argh, there goes my back."
"....is that a chair?"
The glitz and glamour of law at George Partner extends to its sexy, covert operations. It has a Legal Intelligence team.
And, naturally, an underground bunker, for their work.
-Tappitty tappity tap tap- "Ja, I've cracked the code and accessed a secret area! It's 300 shopping mall unit leases - and we must check them all!"
"Scheiße - it was the office electricity mains. How do we turn this back on?"
With no power in the office, intelligence officers resort to the traditional way of gathering information - peeping.
"Oooh, is that a Slender-billed curlew?"
"If anyone asks, tell them we're cosplaying The Wire."
The exclusivity that comes with being a client of George Partner is best demonstrated by the 'client card'. It's free, yes free, and can be used to prove your status to anyone, anytime you find yourself in a "conflict situation".
"Woah, Barry, back off. He's with George Partner."
"Client Card emergency? Ah yes, that's meaningless, sorry."
"Well, it might get you 15% off at Nandos."
You can discover more about George Partner on its amazing website.
If you've seen a wonderfully Bonkers firm, get in touch.
Exceptional captions. Truly.
"Argh, there goes my back."
The firm that CSR left behind.
"George Partner. Sh*tting on the climate emergency from the comfort of a private jet."
Don't worry Libel Bint, I doubt that jet gets off the runway.
Love the lawyer with Matrix code on one of his screens.
Wealthy individuals don't flex with their Jets, because they know better, it's uncouth. It's one of many reasons they are, in fact, wealthy, as opposed to blowing money in the pursuit of creating the facade of wealth, like a pleb at the helm of a £500,000 bank statement.
This is the Dan Lok of law firms.
"Our analysts obtain important information and findings from open sources and registers on a case-by-case basis" - Germanic way of saying "we can google"
Speaking as a European, I can only observe that it's a very isolated English mindset that assumes that successful lawyers don't typically travel by jet.
I think that people here just fail to understand how advanced and sophisticated the German economy is compared to England's. They have many cities there that are equally or more successful than London and it isn't unusual for high achieving lawyers to fly between them.
That may surprise London-centric English lawyers who do not think internationally (as Germans and other Europeans typically do) but in truly first-class economies jet travel is not a luxury reserved for occasional holiday flights.
Speaking as a dual UK-German qualified lawyer, I am regularly dismayed by the needlessly 19th Century way the German companies registries and land registries are operated. You have to justify in writing why you want information and they give you some rubbish extract in about a week or more which tells you pretty much nothing. And don't get me started on fecking Notare (notaries)...
14 May @ 13.07
Not doing much for stereotypes about German humour, there.