Thanks to the reader who was so irked by a job ad for an in house lawyer that he felt moved to write a poem.

The budding Wordsworth - who wishes to remain anonymous - has already graced RoF's orange pages with purple prose in the shape of "The Firm". His most recent effort was in response to an ad asking candidates "which animal they'd be and why".

If you were an animal, what would you be?
Well, I would be a canine interviewee
I could be loyal and benefit from Pavlovian conditioning
To ensure you had had the perfect candidate auditioning
And when you asked me something utterly ridiculous
You would ring your bell or chosen stimulus
So if you questioned me about superpowers
You could bang your gavel and I could talk for hours
And describe how I would love the power of teleportation
With a self serving, indulgent, waffly explanation
And if sufficiently pleasing, you would offer me the position
Of a solicitor, aka an expensive bullsh*t conjuring magician

And once in practice I could refine this ability
With unerring precision and versatility
I could indulge in superfluous legal debating
To ensure my fees were self generating
I could send correspondence by post, email and fax
And release the firm’s carrier pigeon to cover my tracks
I could utilise Latin to make me sound impressive
Yet simultaneously regurgitate that “the law is progressive”
“Ownerless goods” could be “Bona Vacancia”
As I shunned simplicity for something fancier
And through spin and illusion, the truth could be concealed
As if I was a drug fuelled, bullsh*t spewing, David Copperfield

Seamus Heaney, eat your heart out. Andrew Motion, shove it.

A lawyer drafting a side letter yesterday

Anyone with similar gems can send them to the usual place.