Unfortunate names of colleagues 
Asturias Es Mi… 14 Oct 21 10:59
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Uncontrolled guffaw the first time I came across a colleague with the surname Onan

Too many to mention, but I especially struggled with the pronunciation of a lawyer at a hyper-PC government department whose surname was "Kunz".

(Even going the route of a sort of Northern pronunciation felt naughty.)

Shall we do the linkedin thing?

Flaps van der Merwe is my favourite, followed by Pubert Lee/Li

I've seen a Peter Pan.

Rafael de aunto was a very good lawyer in Brazil. 

I know of a Dick Steyn

Any my brother went to Uni with Mike Hunt

Surely your Hong Kong office has both a Fanny and Candida?

Friend of mine worked in a German bank with Herr Doktor auntlecker.

We have a Juan Penis, Peter Pan, Michael Jackson, Richard Burton and Jesus Ponce.

I've been tempted to send them all a Zoom invite without any context and see what happened when they all introduced themselves.

Also there is a woman called Stalin at Simmons (related apparently).  

Also, not the question but I'm always amused by NZ law firm Bell Gully.

@zero gravitas - we need to get him together with Dickon Stainer! 

I assume though that Jesus Ponce is pronounced Hayzoos Ponsay and not just Jesus Ponce.

Looked at that and thought "fook me Sigourney Weaver's let herself go a bit"

Candida Beaver.

Ken Wank. (That one was the most embarrassing, because first time I saw his name, it was handwritten, and the "n" could have been an "r", and I was relieved in my certainty that his name was actually Wark, and not Wank, cos noone is actually called Wank, obvs!  I replied to him as Mr Wark, and he replied with his name was capitalised, he was definitely a Wank.  He never actually said anything to correct my mistake, thank goodness, I don't think I would have survived that exchange).

Apparently Holiday Banta can't afford a hair brush.

Anal Grief.

True story. Lead to someone in an American office shouting "Anal Grief! I'm looking for Anal Grief!" when he received a phone call meant for Mr Grief.


Also, I encountered a Claimant's solicitor once whose name was, like David Ogwang (I think it was david. Might be wrong)

His firm email policy was first initial, surname.

So he revelled in the address: "[email protected]" claimant firm.

I'm not saying which firm.

Back in day we had a Catering Assistant who did the teas and coffees for client meetings. His name was Jesus. You can imagine the perennial laughs when the following email was sent, "Jesus will unavailable over Easter."

I'm (possibly unreliably) informed that Nick Azis had to be given a one off deviation from McDermotts "first initial no punctuation last name" email address format.

Earlier today I was sent a deck of sales sh1te which I'm meant to turn into a contract.  One of the guys on our team is apparently called George Nazi.

No word of a lie.

What's next? Bob Paedophile?

Nazi is supposed to make you feel he’s edgy, driven. george is reassuring. George Nazi, closes the deal with a cuddle. 

They don’t even have to be a forrin to have an epic name.

I went to an all girls school - we were all repressed - with the following staff members:

Richard Warmer

Ms Dick

Mrs Seaman

Senora Foubister (she was a forrin obvs). 



As an expert on Onan I’m disappointed Strutter didn’t drop by *waves*

One of my warships was blessed with a seaman whose surname was the same as a town in Essex.

Seaman Staines quickly became tired of being sent to the bedding store on the main broadcast.

Friend of mine has the surname Cox and a boyfriend called Mustafa.  We want them to get married...

A claimant called Minge.

A client (not mine) of a company I worked for called Lesbo.

The footballer called Dickov.

Asturias Es Mi Patria15 Oct 21 10:56

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As an expert on Onan I’m disappointed Strutter didn’t drop by *waves*


Classic dangling modifier

MJJ assures me she has encountered both a Ms Fanny Pong and a Mr Varty (pronounced with an "f" sound) Sex.

Jesus. Presumably she has a colleague called Mercy Hump?

I had a colleague whose maiden name meant "doggy style" in Russian.  Her stint in the Moscow office was apparently a lot of fun.

Chap I was at school with was called Jamie Balls.  Navy cadet, head of section- Coxwain Balls. 

Not a colleague , but I once did a deal against somebody called Max Koch 

*shocked face*

Tuna aunt is a second degree connection with me on LinkedIn. 

Civil servant (foreign not UK) called Orla.


I do not think she Rofs.

working on shipping contracts with Norwegians id good for this one, I have been introduced to:

Bendt Øve

Simen (pronounced Semen, try to keep a straight face during meeting introductions)

Odd Reidar 

Mr Soraas.


I was introduced to someone called Swastik a few weeks ago which is obviously an unfortunate name in Germany.

I knew a Buck Rogers once.

he was a bookkeeper, only cool thing about him was the name.

Priti Shetty was a trainee whilst I was at Simmons.

We also had a trainee whose family had not considered what the initials "ARSE" would do to him in life.

I knew a Mike Hunt too, albeit at the evangelical church I went to as a kid.

Was served by a Winkie Ho in HK


I knew Candida Beevers - went to primary school with her and also ended up at Hammonds too.


wonder what happened to her - change of name i'm sure

Used to work with a guy called Riski.

Opening a call with "Hi I'm risky" is never a good look for a lawyer :-)

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