Banker: the problem with pets is they can’t talk. 

Doctor: oh ok

Banker: dogs are basically pack animals

Doctor: oh ok

Do you know them or did you ask for CVs from all passengers in your carriage before embarking or did they both loudly explain their qualifications prior to the whole carriage before sitting down?

The banker went on and on about his career then finally asked the doctor : so what do you do? That’s when he started about how the NHS works

Doctors aren't necessarily good at running a health service tbf

"he's sick"

"Let's try EVERYTHING"

I’m on a heavily delayed train back from that fancy London sat next to a woman spreader 

I’ve put the arm rest down to set some boundaries but her legs and elbows are straying 

Grab her by the pussy? Worst case you end up president.

Nah just started coughing, which seems to have prompted a retreat 

What a wonderful made up story 

A woman yesterday talked to me about import and export taxes.  I dunno how the fook she thought I’d follow a word she was saying.

^ Impromptu on the train I mean ^

The lady next to me was wearing a red Hermes scarf and Gucci court shoes

Class.

First do no harm

‘Cept bankers. Kill them, painfully. Then tend to the sick. 

Bet Tarquers is a mansplainer.