The coronavirus lockdown hasn't gagged the extroverts, it's taught them to diversify, as exemplified by the Pandemic Lawyer of the Week.
Martyn Beauchamp, the Chief Customer Officer of Slater + Gordon, is broadcasting "regular, 60 second" vlogs from his attic on LinkedIn to help everyone get through these challenging times.
In his first release after restricting himself to his loft, Beauchamp divulged how, despite the impossible balancing act between work and family which is life for many at the moment, "I've seen nothing but delivery and creativity and customer focus from the Slater and Gordon team". It was an upbeat message that somehow induced all the COVID symptoms simultaneously.
Day 1: Everything is fine.
"I can't recall feeling quite so simultaneously humbled and shattered after a single day at work", said Beauchamp, "and working with the team I do and having the family I do, it's no surprise that I can't wait to do it all again tomorrow", he claimed somewhat improbably, unless he has a nanny stashed in the shed.
In the next update, Beauchamp emphasised the importance of connecting. "I've found that even in a lockdown we can create a closeness with colleagues that we didn't have before", he informed viewers. "We're doing hoeing, virtual gardening clubs and star jumping...it just goes to show that as we work from home, being remote is absolutely no excuse for being distant". Translation: answer my zooms.
Day 2: Emotional blackmail.
Sadly not everyone shared Beauchamp's rosy view of the apocalypse and the next update brought a confession. "I learnt an important lesson today", he admitted.
"I ran some digital round tables and it became abundantly clear to me that not all of us are coping with working from home in the same way", he said. Apparently not everyone is merrily broadcasting leadership homilies in the hope of a book deal.
"I learned that some of us are feeling isolated, lonely and sometimes even trapped", he said. No. Really? It "reminded me that we all need to sharpen our antennas so we can pick up early digital signals from our colleagues".
Day 3: Digital antenna sharpening for one.
By the fourth update cracks were beginning to show. "Recent events have reminded me that it's okay not to know...when I think about it, I've actually spent my entire career not knowing", mused Beauchamp.
"I'm doing it now shooting this video, I've only got a rough idea what words will come out next, as you can probably tell", he said.
But a good preacher can always pull things together for a teachable moment. "Just by conceding that we've all got a piece of the puzzle - each and every one of us - we open up the boundaryless possibilities of collaboration that are going to help us navigate through the next few months", he concluded, unintentionally describing MDMA.
Day 4: "Shall we tell him the lockdown's over yet?" "Nah."
Beachamp's next thought for the day was very much a Thought for the Day. "Today I caught an old episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway", he smiled. "I was totally awestruck at the ability of that team to react and adapt and think on their feet, and it's reminded me that”, wait for it, “future-fit leadership is increasingly an improvisational art".
"Leadership is about adapting quickly to new environments", he explained, and that is actually particularly important at Slaters where leaders suddenly realised they had paid hundreds of millions for some beans.
Day 5: "In many ways, Slater + Gordon is like God who is like Clive Anderson."
By the last entry there was no longer any pretence of normality from the WFH pulpit. Beauchamp appeared in a bow tie and said that earlier that morning, "I found myself setting up a workstation wearing hospital grade rubber gloves and a tuxedo". Apparently Beauchamp wasn't doing fetish camwork after being furloughed, he was participating in a Slater + Gordon initiative called 'Fancy Friday', which sounds a lot worse.
Day 6: "But seriously, I do need those engagement numbers by noon, Dave."
If you’ve stumbled across a thought leader moving inexorably toward making demands for us to drink the special drink while wrapped in a loopaper toga, write in.
Day 7: "The horror...the horror"