That late-night completion feeling.
Fears that remote working has killed off the office romance may be premature if the gossip landing on ROF Towers’ doormat is any indication.
After RPC announced that it was cancelling firmwide Christmas parties because not enough staff were turning up to events anymore, some commentators concluded that law was in danger of becoming a profession of shut-ins.
However, the mountain of gossip which greeted ROF after the summer break suggests otherwise.
Although we don’t normally report on intra-office romances unless the adverse consequences for colleagues reach a particular threshold – public sex acts in the office, for example – ROF decided that a small sample of blind items might reassure readers that law is as libidinous as ever.
At one US firm’s London office, “[X], Mr Big Shot, low hanging dick himself has, quelle surprise, been embarking on an extra marital affair with his team member [Y] in plain sight”, a source said in a message representative of several describing intra-office affairs.
“The vast majority of his colleagues are aware.” They usually are.
It’s not just City law which is hot under the collar. It’s incestuous up north, too, where at one firm, “[Partner 1] is in a relationship with [Partner 2], [Partner 3] is in a relationship with [Junior 1] that he met as a trainee, and [Partner 4] hired [Junior 2], whom she married”.
It’s a small business to enjoy quite so much coupling-up, but there’s more than that going on at possibly the most shagadelic firm in the uK, according to a source.
There’s also “[Partner 5] (who, by the way, is married to [Junior 3]), who is besotted with [Junior 4], who has moved to [his office branch] at his request. Rumour has it that, at another partner’s summer BBQ, they had to be separated from a longing embrace - with his wife watching”.
In-house love affairs are not without risk, as another solicitor observed at his workplace.
“[B], the most senior Solicitor in the entire business, has been embroiled in a bit of a scandal. As a married man, he had been having a fairly open affair with [C, a female junior colleague]… and this is not some sort of secret, it's openly known and even discussed.”
“[C] was promoted a few times into senior positions over others despite having little relevant experience, but matters have recently come to a head and people have started to make unsubtle comments”. Meanies.
Those comments reached management, and resulted in the head of the business "giving [B] an ultimatum, that either he goes or she goes. Unsurprisingly, she recently moved to [a national firm], with a glowing reference from [B] himself”.
It turns out that B and C weren’t doing anything unusual for managers in the company, who all work together in an isolated head office and, it seems, have all paired off.
An insider suggested a new tagline: “Do what we say, not who we do”.
“There is unease at how many of the senior people are in relationships”, they said. “We have [Head 1] and [Head 2], and the married [Head 3] and the married [Head 4]”.
There's speculation among staff that "there might be something in the water”, although they've agreed that it should make the Christmas party and the mistletoe "quite interesting this year”.
Even lockdown couldn't completely snuff out love between colleagues - although those who indulged were forced to take extraordinary measures.