A statue immortalising the mansplaining letter
A barrister has slammed a lawyer for sending her an "unsolicited letter" on LinkedIn giving her advice on how to find a husband, which included telling her to develop some cooking skills.
Alexandra Wilson, a family law barrister at 4PB, posted a tweet sharing the "personalised letter" from the lawyer. "The whole tone is patronising but also misogynistic, homophobic and unsolicited" said Wilson of the letter. She added that it was "weird" and "slightly scary how much time appears to have gone into this."
The three page letter from a lawyer (whose name appears to have been redacted by Wilson) starts off by addressing the female barrister by name, and extolling the virtues of marriage as an institution which "still remains the best and most stable unit in which to bring up children and build an enjoyable and emotionally stable setting for living out our lives."
Channelling Alan Partridge, the lawyer says that he has "no counsel" for same sex relationship couples such as "Adam and Steve" or "Eve and Evette". But, "for those interested in a conventional...heterosexual relationship," he suggests that women in their mid to late 20s should "be painfully careful to lookout" for a man. Beyond that age bracket, "the pool of eligible single young men diminishes the older a woman becomes," the silver tongue charmer advises.
Women should search for a man who "would not be threatened" by their professional accomplishments, the lawyer opines. "If you are a person of faith," he says, "it is important to commit the search process for a suitable candidate to prayer." He offers another tip: "Don't permit your search to be constrained by race and don't be dismissive of Africans either, because the right person may come in a 'package' you don't envisage."
The letter goes on to state: "For a young black woman who is professionally accomplished, I would say look carefully at the background of a guy before you go further...Can he be supportive of you and your struggles (whatever they may be, we call them "your drama" on this side)?"
The lawyer also instructs Wilson to "develop some cooking skills...by watching a few youtube videos" and mastering a few dishes. "A loving spouse will always appreciate this 'hidden talent'," states the letter. "It makes for a richer family life!"
The lawyer warns against those who do not heed his advice: "I have seen a number of our girls who have put their career ahead of marriage and family life as 'career-minded' women. It does NOT end well". Marriage "will serve you well now and in old age, when all career is ended and the physical beauty and youth are long gone," he says.
He also rails against "the feminist advocates" who campaign "against the traditional family life/marriage" arguing that they "are nowhere to be seen" when emotional instability, mental health issues and loneliness take hold in later years.
Imparting further pearls of wisdom, he says: "A career pursuit should be in addition to the richness that a loving family brings, not at its expense."
The lawyer signs off his missive by saying: "This is the life I have lived for decades and I can confidently say it is well worth it." He adds: "Please do not take offence at this write up"(too late for the intended recipient).
The full letter can be seen in Wilson's tweet here.
It is not the first time an attempt by a lawyer at a meaningful connection on LinkedIn has gone awry.
Wilson was previously in the news when she complained about being mistaken for a defendant in court, three times in one day.