Things people say to you when they know you’re a lawyer
Sorrydidyousay… 28 Jul 20 19:43
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“You just need to put “allegedly” after everything then they can’t get me, can they?”

Tap on the nose and knowing wink to the lawyer in the room

“Ooh i know who to call if I’m in trouble!” 


Ooh I could use your help with something. 

What’s that uncle Roy - not the multi-billion pound acquisition of a telecoms giant, by any chance?

My neighbour’s azalea’s hanging over our drive a bit...

Do excuse me I must just go and say hello to ....

What kind of law?

or sometimes just tumbleweed 



Can you help me with a claim against the AA and do you know anything about co-habition law?  FFS just fcuk right off.  No I don't have a fcuking clue. And then gets pissy because I am a lawyer and surely must be able to help.  Like asking a GP to do a knee replacement.  FCUK OFF

“So I’m having some trouble with my landlord and....”

Big Mac it’s usually worse than that and it’s “this guy I work with has got a problem with his landlord”

How can you defend someone you know is guilty though? 

I’ve given so much employment law advice to friends which is worrying given I’m not an employment lawyer and am generally just going from tiny nuggets of the gdl or lpc that remain in my brain 15 years ago. 

I’m buying a house could you do it for a bottle of wine?

Soames Forsyth had the right answer to this

"That sounds like a difficult problem.  You'd better make an appointment to come and see me"

100 years ago

Plus ca change... 

You're too normal to be a lawyer

And up until my 30s, you're too young to be a lawyer

"you must earn a lot!"

"I hate lawyers' (said by those just out of a bitter divorce)

"ah.. now, I had some building work which went wrong.."

"you are not like a lawyer"


They either ask about crime or family law, and then act all surprised when I say I know next to nothing about them 

I mean, to the general populace only Family Law and Employment Law is likely to be of use, and the majority of lawyers aren't in those fields. Tax Law slightly but that's not really useful at an individual level for most people because tax accountant would probably be better versed in the personal tax laws than a lawyer who knows the ins and outs of VAT or R&D credits etc.

All my family law friends have left the practice because it's so hugely stressful and emotional. I don't know how people do that sort of law, but I imagine that must make you very popular with friends and family who are going through divorce or want a will or prenup.

And everyone wants to sue their employer at some point...

I don’t know as most people only really encounter the law when they’ve gone through a speed camera or the like.  They do look surprised that I don’t know the loopholes of road traffic law.

It is funny, that when people think you are a Lawyer , that you don't know everything bout every law.

Do they think being a ED Dr, that they know about how to do a heart transplant.

"Not being funny but your work sounds really boring. I couldn't do it" (said to me at New Year's Eve house party)

Yes some people clearly expect a doctor to be able to answer any medical problem because they are gods.

I got a parking ticket and....

How can you defend someone you know is guilty...

I know someone who wants to go into law and...

"I've got problem X and my solicitor says I should..." 

They explain a long winded problem, which requires specialist legal advice, but don't want to instruct a solicitor or even pop down to the local Citizens Advice Bureau, but writing a polite letter hasn't occurred to them. 

Can you certify x for me? 

I bought x 5 years ago and it doesn’t work. Can I ask for my money back?

My mate is getting divorced and his wife has asked for x. What do you think?

Oh really? What kind of law do you do then? - I tell them and their eyes glaze over after about three words. Or they say - sounds complicated or what does that mean or oh, so what do you think about Brexit then or you must be happy about Brexit then, plenty of work for you. Etc etc

True conversation:

Family member: what do you do?

Me: I'm a lawyer

Them: what's that - just...paper pushing?  *walked off*