Enforce the greening of all ‘festivals’

Our first-born

Oh wait. I'm someone's first-born ...

Eh, what the hell. I'll sacrifice myself.

absolute ban on any new honours (and public removal of existing honours) if you are in the top 100,000 (maybe 10,000) UK air travellers in any calendar year from 2024 onwards.

names of UK's biggest air travellers to be put into the public domain

i will do four long haul trips a year instead of five

Put a hockey stick up your arse

Abolish Davos.

(BTW - the shindig rather than our much valued parishioner)

compost all tories

Sacrifice? How about the entire population of the USA? That would slow things down a bit.

I don't think yo ucan sacrifice an entire country tbf tbf. might be considered a bit racist

Shagging in the front hole.  

Possibly the suggestion of murder of an entire nation might be more serious than any ‘racism’, Dicers, old boy.

It was intended as a nod to the Swiftian notion of A Modest Proposal.

We don’t want any swiftian confusion! Only genuinely modest proposals 

“Shagging in the front hole.”

Surely alan would be more environmentally friendly? Fewer pregnancies, fewer babies, less consumption of natural resources etc.

abolish brexit

Ban cruise ships.

It would make for a hell of a news story if Antonio Guterres suggested bumsechs as a cure to climate change and signed off his speech one up the bum, no environmental harm done.

They can only restrict air travel if they absolutely prohibit the relocation of children overseas post divorce/similar. 

*methane emitting cow sits in corner of nightclub*

"Moo... Noo... Not up the arse"