people having affairs with people they don't even fancy that much

Try telling Jim Morrison or Amy Winehouse that

they were two steps ahead

when you can eat steak every night , sometimes you just really fancy a stinking dirty kebab that you wouldn't dare tell your friends or family about because its so dirty and naughty and they'd judge you.....like those white trash girls with bruises up their legs

If this wasn't a thing I would never get any snogz ever

I've always had trouble resisting temptation so can totally see myself doing this.

Oh Phoebes, we both know thats not true

bollocks, phoebe, creepy old tossbags just want birds to think that way

flashers - I think in this instance you fancy the kebab tho? maybe? like naughty sounds fun. Rather than just crying "oh God I am SO ALONE SO VERY ALONE" while you try to swallow without tasting.

What Sails said

i think by definition you cant really bonk something you dont fancy, but sometimes you wind up not fancying it once you've bonked it

therein lies the difference between a ONS and a GF

stop calling people it!

anyway what about people who have repeated ongoing dalliances?

Its an interesting one isnt it.

I think if you are happy enough in yourself then one would hope that if you find yourself straying then you realise you are not in a good relationship and you either fix it or leave.

Generally I think people who are cheating cant be happy but are not in a good enough place individually to detach themselves from their other half.

Flash - sure you have them the right way around?

totally your last line, archibald

in any event it's naive to think there's anything "out there" aside from lonelier breakfasts (which may or may not be a good thing depending on how miserable your thing is)

people cheat for many reasons

yeah but not even doing it with a hottie (hotness to be subjectively construed) is weird

I've definitely bonked people I don't fancy for the hell of it.

Y tho

You feel less pressure and is more liberated to try new techniques, etc.

I'm speculating ...

Clergs, it is just so nice to be asked that I say yes

I suspect the reason is that only a tiny bit under the surface most people are just massive horndogs.

Men doubly so.

I think men are worst for the weird ambivalence tbh, strutter

"oh I didn't really want to but"

weird

depends what you're after innit - a blindfold means you can still get turned on by someone you don't nec. fancy, so if you just wanna get your rocks off...

It must be odd being a tax lawyer and simply not understanding normal human subtext.

Then again you probably think the rest of us are the odd ones.

I don't think rof men are particularly normal, no

(with some eminent exceptions)

rof women aren't particularly either

Blindfold eh? Hellooooo Fussers

What Strutter said. I enjoy sechs so I'm willing to ignore the fact that I don't particularly fancy someone if I still think there will be some element of enjoyment.

heh @ Martian

TBF how often do you see someone that you think 'oooh, nice'?

I play a game on my commute to see if there is anyone I would sleep with and I never see any likely candidates.

agreed, QE, completely

but having sex with people who don't excite you is such a depressing response to a need for excitement

I see a few ladies every day on my commute who are rather attractive.

yes there are many more attractive women than there are men out there, definitely

Totally

Is why hot men clean up

Wot sailo said.

Lots of this going on the 8.05 train into Victoria.

I suppose it v much depends.

But at least fancy them damnit

Perhaps shagging someone you dont fancy (or say you dont fancy - there must be some level of appeal, surely) gives the illusion that oneself is fancied. An ego boost.

On another view, I dont know how people find the time and energy to have an affair. Its as much as I can do to work FT and keep one relationship going!

Agreed Kimmy

Just so youse know that's a classic "an affair, darling? ME?" affairhavers line.

Be careful with the blindfolds. Wasn't there that case where woman met man she had been emailing on line. Blindfolded and man turned out to be woman with some kind of device she strapped on and court proceedings resulted. The question of being misled and sex is quite interesting. Eg if someone has a disease, does not tell you and gives it to you that might lead to legal liability. Whereas if your wife puts on 3 stone you cannot sue her for misrepresentation. If someone lies about their age and on that basis you have sex with them that is probably not illegal nor is someone saying they own a mansion and a big car when they are bankrupt, in order to persuade you into bed.

Do you know all this from personal experience, Lyds?

Grant I think you credit people with making rational choices. The only time I've cheated on someone I was so drunk I don't even recall making a decision to do it and first I remember of it was waking up with someone I'd only met the evening before.

Lydia, you seem to have a way of contractualising people. Change through "fair wear and tear" is acceptable, other change us a breach of contract...

as for the wife who put on 3 stone...you'd need her to have promised not to put on 3 stone at the start... and not to mean that promise.. Simply putting on 3 stone isn't a misrepresentation....BUT SHE'S NOT A FRIGGING PRODUCT ANYWAY...