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Let your next career move come to you.

My late father was quite an asshole but I never told him that

And now I wonder whether I should have

he was an asshole in many respects 

egomaniac, stingy, racist

He would always talk and never listen. He was well read and well travelled tho

shouldnt I have said at some point: „father, all due respect but for these various reasons, you’re an asshole“

what difference would it have made?

Heh I remember how we went to see his relatives in Israel during intifada 2 and then afterwards he would call my mother (they were divorced for about 15 years and not on good terms) and demand that she pays for my travel

Heh I remember how we went to see his relatives in Israel during intifada 2 and then afterwards he would call my mother (they were divorced for about 15 years and not on good terms) and demand that she pays for my travel

My dad can be an arse and my mum and I tell when he is but the trouble is that if you tell him after 8pm he can't remember the next morning so you have to tell him again.

My father had this air about him that would block or prevent even the slightest criticism 

but for why? How did he do it? Why did no one dare to criticize him? What was the worst that could have happened? 

Sounds like he would've just rejected the criticism, it might've fallen a bit flat.  I suppose you'd have got it off your chest at least.  Genuinely sorry your Dad was such an arsehole.

Conversely, my Dad was so ill when he died we couldn't really talk properly, and I didn't tell him I loved him.  He knew I did, but I should've said it.  

All goes to shit either way

He was Jewish and pretty much all stereotypes applied to him, which is interesting as he was not at all religious 

when we went to Israel to support his family, it was my idea 

he would never have gone there if I didn’t insist

he never gave a fook about anything at all but himself, his well-being and his career 

He was Jewish and pretty much all stereotypes applied to him, which is interesting as he was not at all religious 

when we went to Israel to support his family, it was my idea 

he would never have gone there if I didn’t insist

he never gave a fook about anything at all but himself, his well-being and his career 

I'm sorry to hear this.  I'm lucky that my parents are very generous.  They gave MJJ and I a couple of grand (which we don't strictly need) to buy new sofas and stuff when we moved into this new place.

I am not your biggest fan DD but for whatever it is worth, my own experience with my late father we’re not dissimilar.

When we were kids he was very violent towards my brother and I, never the girls or my mother.  I’m not talking clip around the ear stuff I’m talking actually beating us hard.

When he was older, I never asked him why he was such a violent asshole to us, we never spoke about it.  I think he knew he had done wrong but was probably too ashamed to bring it up and I had no desire either.  So he died without either my brother or I ever talking about it. 

What would it have accomplished? Well I suppose an apology but we were long past that stage anyway.  Sometimes it can be easy to overthink things without realising what you are doing, when actually the past can’t be changed so best to just move on.

Talking about this to a counsellor was one of the best decisions I ever made.  I thoroughly recommend it just to get it off your chest and actually hear yourself saying it out loud.  When I did so I realised that actually, I no longer cared.  He was dead.

My father beat me hard, too

not often but when he did, it was in a way you don’t normally do, you don’t beat your kids with your fist or throw them against a wall

His biggest punishment was he never got the fame, accolade and attention he thought he deserved. He didn’t have many friends left but. Isn’t that the case with most old people 

I doubt telling him would have led to any change in behaviour. It's a tall order expecting an abusive parent to ween themselves off the thinking they've relied on for a lifetime to avoid dealing with their own problems.

You might have got some closure and it might have come sooner. Probably a good idea to get some  help though.

It is a matter of justice 

when people are aunts, they ought to know that they are. It is just not right for them to continue to live thinking they aren’t aunts

There's generally not much to be gained by telling your dad he's an arsehole, I don't think. Unless you seriously think it might change his behaviour, which if he's a real arsehole it won't.

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