As a guy the answer is very obviously Liam Fox. With him it would be deeply unpleasant but at least one of us would probably be enjoying it. With Bojo or Gove it would just be doubly awkward. Would also presumably take them longer to reach climax which would extend the unpleasantness.
urgh, w**king off Boris Johnson because he would be the least socially awkward. gah. Just imagine
"AH yes! Ahh. WUARGH I notice that you appear to be... delving in my flies.. Ahh yes.. Well COME ON! as the actress said to the bishop. Ah yes...er...it was I think the great Plato who said, capturing this very SCENE!!, that "Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.” And so, er, here I lie, your WHISPERING SINGER AND POET! . Ah er... CRIPES...I say, sorry about the suit and the ceiling. Never mind! It is a GREAT BRITISH SKILL to be able to face adversity together! Onward!
HA! it is always Plato whose milkshake brings all the boys to the erm.. YARD... as the young say but also I RECOMMEND to you, fair persons of RoF, that you ah read AND INWARDLY DIGEST Pliny the erm Elder as you seek to remove the stain of the MEMORY of my spaffing it up the wall in the way I... er.. did - this MIGHTY wall which has stood for so many years and now bears the mark of TOIL and, not least, SOME PLEASURE - for it was PLINY YES PLINY who said "Semper in excretia sumus sed solum profundiatis variat" which I am sure you know from your school days (at Harrow, I assume, as I er did not know you in the OTHER PLACE) means we are always in the DOO DOO but it's just the er depth that varies! How ahhh true that is... and how noble is the man who accepts it with the modesty with which I accept the responsibility of being Chief Spaffer Up the Privy Wall - a noble cause and I will undertake it with MUCH diligence. Consider yourselves, gentlemen of the press, enspaffed!
I really am very upset the the image of Gove, Johnson and Fox are now in my head, in a waiting room, awaiting selection for being handshandied.
NEXT
in comes Gove, drops his trousers. Is wearing a rather concerning pair of rough woollen light tan shorts which he drops to display an underwhelming proposition, robustly proffered. What you see on his face you get elsewhere. Baggy pouty look, all rather small and knobbly. Very much like an urgent whelk stall. He offers up something he calls an erection which shares physical characteristics of his bottom lip - pushy and fleshy, blushing but displaying some more alarming discoloration on further inspection. The whole thing is rather shouty and he uses his manhood like a pointy finger, protesting until, very red faced, he withdraws his support for the motion.
NEXT
A shambolic newfoundland lollops in and does an impression of a whale calving as he drops the tailored trousers and lets a weird mini boris flop out one thing leads to another in a gurgling vowely frenzy of guilt and apology spiced with condemnatory commands from the bridge.
NEXT
Fox, stealthy like the fox he conceals his weaponry. But behold there it is. A tiny Scottish one lurking in an unkempt garden. A bit like the view from a drone of one bluish-white nudist sunbather lurking in the gorse by the beach at Dunbar.
0
0
Death is preferable. Every single time.
0
0
Bit boney, I’d have thought.
0
0
death
0
0
How long do you have?
0
0
Why tricky, do you suspect (or know) that one of them has a bit of a hair trigger?
0
0
I don't believe the man said that death is an option.
CHOOSE.
0
0
I choose Bojo because I think it would be the least socially awkward
0
0
and sarah vine would END you
0
0
aren't Gove and Sarah Vain into swinging?
0
0
bleurgh
0
0
No, I suspect that in order to find out it will take a good while if w**king to any of these men would lead to a satisfactory outcome.
0
0
As a guy the answer is very obviously Liam Fox. With him it would be deeply unpleasant but at least one of us would probably be enjoying it. With Bojo or Gove it would just be doubly awkward. Would also presumably take them longer to reach climax which would extend the unpleasantness.
0
0
Ok - Liam Fox. But only whilst Gove was blowing me (he has lips like Pob).
0
0
Oh hang on. You mean w**k them and not want to.
I'd w**k Gove. Seeing those revolting wet plump lips stretched over a ball gag in a gimp mask will be very satisfying.
0
0
*want to
0
0
Wail
0
0
Sorry.
0
0
Probably Bojo, so I could stroke his hair and pretend he was a lady*
*Albeit with a cock**
**And albeit that ladies with cocks are seemingly just part of the spectrum now and anyone who thinks otherwise is fooking racist
0
0
urgh, w**king off Boris Johnson because he would be the least socially awkward. gah. Just imagine
"AH yes! Ahh. WUARGH I notice that you appear to be... delving in my flies.. Ahh yes.. Well COME ON! as the actress said to the bishop. Ah yes...er...it was I think the great Plato who said, capturing this very SCENE!!, that "Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.” And so, er, here I lie, your WHISPERING SINGER AND POET! . Ah er... CRIPES...I say, sorry about the suit and the ceiling. Never mind! It is a GREAT BRITISH SKILL to be able to face adversity together! Onward!
0
0
HEH
although you missed an opportunity to include 'spaffing up the wall' there
0
0
death is preferable
0
0
I had forgotten about the spaff it up the wall thing.
Jesus that was extraordinary. in another time that would not have left the headlines so easily.
0
0
*throws pig's head*
0
0
HA! it is always Plato whose milkshake brings all the boys to the erm.. YARD... as the young say but also I RECOMMEND to you, fair persons of RoF, that you ah read AND INWARDLY DIGEST Pliny the erm Elder as you seek to remove the stain of the MEMORY of my spaffing it up the wall in the way I... er.. did - this MIGHTY wall which has stood for so many years and now bears the mark of TOIL and, not least, SOME PLEASURE - for it was PLINY YES PLINY who said "Semper in excretia sumus sed solum profundiatis variat" which I am sure you know from your school days (at Harrow, I assume, as I er did not know you in the OTHER PLACE) means we are always in the DOO DOO but it's just the er depth that varies! How ahhh true that is... and how noble is the man who accepts it with the modesty with which I accept the responsibility of being Chief Spaffer Up the Privy Wall - a noble cause and I will undertake it with MUCH diligence. Consider yourselves, gentlemen of the press, enspaffed!
0
0
A HEH (note upper case) for mutters
0
3
I really am very upset the the image of Gove, Johnson and Fox are now in my head, in a waiting room, awaiting selection for being handshandied.
NEXT
in comes Gove, drops his trousers. Is wearing a rather concerning pair of rough woollen light tan shorts which he drops to display an underwhelming proposition, robustly proffered. What you see on his face you get elsewhere. Baggy pouty look, all rather small and knobbly. Very much like an urgent whelk stall. He offers up something he calls an erection which shares physical characteristics of his bottom lip - pushy and fleshy, blushing but displaying some more alarming discoloration on further inspection. The whole thing is rather shouty and he uses his manhood like a pointy finger, protesting until, very red faced, he withdraws his support for the motion.
NEXT
A shambolic newfoundland lollops in and does an impression of a whale calving as he drops the tailored trousers and lets a weird mini boris flop out one thing leads to another in a gurgling vowely frenzy of guilt and apology spiced with condemnatory commands from the bridge.
NEXT
Fox, stealthy like the fox he conceals his weaponry. But behold there it is. A tiny Scottish one lurking in an unkempt garden. A bit like the view from a drone of one bluish-white nudist sunbather lurking in the gorse by the beach at Dunbar.
0
0
:(
0
0
Mutters would go for the reacharound every time so I don’t know who he thinks he’s kidding here.
0
0
Well this prolif turned out to be rather more successful than I'd anticipated if also rather stranger.
0
0
0
0
from the :( I suspect Clergs was that sunbather.
0
0
No, do it like this
0
0
Am I allowed to do it with gloves with spikes sewn into the palms? And then covered in tobasco sauce?
if so I’d be happy to do Michael and Boris in tandem a la Ski Sunday, but only on the basis that they look at each other whilst the deed is done.
0
0
kaulbach03 Apr 19 18:20
Reply|
Report
| DM Reply |
Report
Am I allowed to do it with gloves with spikes sewn into the palms? And then covered in tobasco sauce?
if so I’d be happy to do Michael and Boris in tandem a la Ski Sunday, but only on the basis that they look at each other whilst the deed is done.
That tells us a LOT more about you than we need to know thanks very much
Join the discussion