Going to get a ring door bell and a complicated revenge strategy

That would be one hell of a rewind function.

It's bound to happen again

Revenge will be mine!

On the street outside your gate? 

I hate dogs and so I am with you and any planned revenge strategy.  

How do know it was a dog?

Sorry I was caught short and I didn't think you'd mind, being a nihilist.

Were you pissssshed and been the lash for 4 weeks like the Scot’s rugby fan RR.

Yes and I was flicking my pill outside clergs house.

How the hell did it poo under a gatepost?

Did it dig a hole?

Which tbf is pretty considerate really.

Especially for a dog in need of a shit.

Suggests it was a cat.

or RR flicking his pill again.

I reckon it was an HMRC employee who’s just been bested by Rham in a dispute.

That might suggest it was Sassenach poo.

Sasquatch poo? How much of it was there?

Oo now you need the catch the dog walker and ask “would you like me to post that back through your letterbox later?”

Which is what Mr M said to the man round the corner with a similarly guilty pooch. Never saw him again.