Rupert Murdoch, News International - Nigel? G'day, Rupert here.
Sir Nigel Chuffs-Gently, Farrer & Co - Ah, hello Rupert, good to hear from you.
RM - My boy's coming in for some stick over this phone tapping misunderstanding. Sort it.
N C-G - Not really our bag, old chap. Hacking into the phones of widows and orphans, deleting messages left for murdered teenagers. It's all a bit, well, grubby. Our client at the Palace wouldn't like it.
RM - Look you pommie sh*t, don't play cute with me. We've paid you a fortune for decades, you can fix this.
N C-G - Actually we can't. Questions raised in parliament, your former editor arrested, inquiries launched, 100,000 members of the public opposing your bid for BSkyB, the PCC disbanded. It's rather out of our field of expertise. Get back in touch when you need some advice on inheritance tax planning for a Titian.
RM - You bastard.
N C-G - Just sack that awful Rebekah woman and have done with it. I'm sure she didn't school very well.
*******
RM - Wayne? Rupert here.
Wayne Groucho-Club, Olswang - Rupert? THE Rupert? Oh sir, it's such an honour, your reputation...
RM - Cut the crap. I've been on the phone all day to over 50 firms, none of them will touch this with a sh*tty stick. Can you fix it?
G-C - Err, well we're slightly conflicted. Our main client is the Guardian, one of our partners sits on one of their boards. I don't think they'd like this very much. In fact I don't think any of our clients would like this very much. Those poor Soham girls? Even we'd have a tough time getting you off the hook for that.
RM - I'll pay you lots of dollar.
G-C - Really? How much?
RM - Lots. And I'll get my boy to namecheck your firm in the announcement. Twice.
G-C - Well every man deserves representation, we clearly have a moral duty to act, innocent until proven guilty and all that. Shut down the paper and announce that you won't feature any advertising in the last edition. Because all your advertisers have pulled out.
RM - Bonza.
G-C - Then re-open it again in a few weeks under the title "The Sun on Sunday". People are very stupid, you know, they're bound to fall for that.
RM - It's a deal.
G-C - And we'll draft you a completely meaningless code of conduct which you can ignore as you see fit. But at least it looks like you're doing something.
RM - This is gold dust.
G-C - When all this blows over and we've completely trashed both our reputation and yours, please can we have some of your corporate work?
RM - F*ck off.
Sir Nigel Chuffs-Gently, Farrer & Co - Ah, hello Rupert, good to hear from you.
RM - My boy's coming in for some stick over this phone tapping misunderstanding. Sort it.
N C-G - Not really our bag, old chap. Hacking into the phones of widows and orphans, deleting messages left for murdered teenagers. It's all a bit, well, grubby. Our client at the Palace wouldn't like it.
RM - Look you pommie sh*t, don't play cute with me. We've paid you a fortune for decades, you can fix this.
N C-G - Actually we can't. Questions raised in parliament, your former editor arrested, inquiries launched, 100,000 members of the public opposing your bid for BSkyB, the PCC disbanded. It's rather out of our field of expertise. Get back in touch when you need some advice on inheritance tax planning for a Titian.
RM - You bastard.
N C-G - Just sack that awful Rebekah woman and have done with it. I'm sure she didn't school very well.
*******
RM - Wayne? Rupert here.
Wayne Groucho-Club, Olswang - Rupert? THE Rupert? Oh sir, it's such an honour, your reputation...
RM - Cut the crap. I've been on the phone all day to over 50 firms, none of them will touch this with a sh*tty stick. Can you fix it?
G-C - Err, well we're slightly conflicted. Our main client is the Guardian, one of our partners sits on one of their boards. I don't think they'd like this very much. In fact I don't think any of our clients would like this very much. Those poor Soham girls? Even we'd have a tough time getting you off the hook for that.
RM - I'll pay you lots of dollar.
G-C - Really? How much?
RM - Lots. And I'll get my boy to namecheck your firm in the announcement. Twice.
G-C - Well every man deserves representation, we clearly have a moral duty to act, innocent until proven guilty and all that. Shut down the paper and announce that you won't feature any advertising in the last edition. Because all your advertisers have pulled out.
RM - Bonza.
G-C - Then re-open it again in a few weeks under the title "The Sun on Sunday". People are very stupid, you know, they're bound to fall for that.
RM - It's a deal.
G-C - And we'll draft you a completely meaningless code of conduct which you can ignore as you see fit. But at least it looks like you're doing something.
RM - This is gold dust.
G-C - When all this blows over and we've completely trashed both our reputation and yours, please can we have some of your corporate work?
RM - F*ck off.
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