RollOnFriday has unearthed an excellent discussion board thread by 'Obadiah Hakeswill' listing 'what law firms would be, if they weren't law firms.'

For example, Bristows would be a gravy manufacturer. The IP firm approved of its alternative calling in a parallel universe:

Bristows tweet b

Here are other suggestions in that thread, along with RollOnFriday's illustrated interpretation: 

Addleshaw Goddard - c19th US president 

Addleshaws pic

Allen & Overy - Parts of the female reproductive system


Ashurst - Leafy Sydney suburb

Ashurst pic b

Baker Botts - Superhero's love interest

Baker Botts

Baker McKenzie - Superhero's stripper mistress

Baker McK

BCLP - Company of Canadian lumberjacks


BDB Pitmans - Third rate English investment bank 


Bevan Brittan - Nationalistic 1950s politician


Bird & Bird -  Ornithologists' compendium 

Bird and Bird

BLM - Political and social sandwich 


Bristows - Gravy manufacturer

Bristows pic

Burges Salmon - Privileged fish

Burges Salmon pic

Capsticks - Victorian parlour game


Carey Olsen - Lesser known brother of Hollywood acting sisters

Olsen bro

Charles Russell Speechlys - c19th naval captain


Clarke Willmott - 1990s Australian fast bowler


Clifford Chance - bookmakers

Clifford Chance bookie

Clyde & Co - Scottish football 'firm'


CMS - Debilitative disease


DAC Beachcroft - Property surveyors


Debevoise & Plimpton - Upmarket umbrella merchants

Debevoise & Plimpton

Dechert - What comes after the main course


Dentons - Auto repair 


Dickinson Dees - Defunct Geordie snooker emporium


DLA Piper - Regimental musician


Drinker Biddle - Bitter PE teacher whose career was ended by injury

Drinker Biddle

DWF: Online forum for lovers of Casio watches

DWF watch

And if RollOnFriday wasn't the legal news and community website, it could have been a sandwich roll seller for corporate lunches (turns out it was, which would explain all those cheese roll orders we used to receive):



Part two to follow. In the meantime, the original thread can be seen here. Tip of the hat to 'Obadiah Hakeswill'. Other suggestions for firms welcomed in the comments below.

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Anonemouse 28 January 23 12:38

Love the BLM one! If only they still existed. The best thing to happen last year was Clyde & Co obliterating them. 

You can run BLM partners, but you cannot hide 17 February 23 08:20

Poor old BLM.  

Phase 1 - Client capture - accomplished.

Phase 2 - BLM Partner extraction - in progress.  

Part 2 22 April 23 05:24

Waiting for Part 2. Eagerly 🤩 

Also, members should really start posting under their own names, rather than alternative and anonymous handles - a lot of hilarious commentators here, and I would hire them, honestly, based on their comment styles, reflective wit and sense of humour. 

Anonymous 19 May 23 17:30

Gunner Cooke - the bold Army catering corps lance-corporal who manned the machine guns in WW1 when Jerry blew up his field kitchen.

Temple Bright - the home of a new and disturbing cult of lightbulb worshippers.