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What do women think of men who find them beautiful?

I was drinking alone at a bar on the terrace (as one would on a Thursday night), and a really beautiful French lady sat down at a table across.  For a sec I wanted to go over and say hello, but quickly was overcome with 'nah, I'm too old for this now.'

Ladies: if a man (say ordinary-looking) comes up to you (say you're relaxed/in no rush/still daylight) and say: 'Hi, I think you're beautiful.'

Is that creepy?

What cru said

I think all the women on the thread have pretty much said the same thing right??

that we don’t like it, it is creepy at best and threatening at worst so please don’t do it

so perhaps the men on here telling us we’re are wrong women do like it might want to listen…

I am not far off being an old man but I see nothing wrong in telling a woman that she is beautiful (I probably wouldn't say anything like that to a bloke, but I think it's fine if a woman wants to do that.)

But it's not a good opening line for a chat up, probably. 

I recently told a random woman that I thought her hair was fabulous and her face lit up and she said thank you.

Things like this are neither wrong nor right, the instinct to say nice things to people is very strong. In my generation you might tell a woman she looks great but you more likely to tell a bloke that he's got a nice car, but there's no reason that shouldn't change. 

PS. 
 

if you don’t understand the difference between the scenarios you are describing there .. and being a single woman alone in a bar being approached by a man whose first words are ‘your beautiful’ then I really can’t help you. 
 

or you are being deliberately obtuse. 

Telling a woman her hair is fabulous is a perfectly acceptable compliment. Similar to shoe compliments.  

It comments on an aspect of her being she has under her control, and it’s unlikely you are trying to fook her ponytail.  (Though those types are out there).

What it does not do is reduce her entire being…. to her hairstyle.
 

 

Mrs Hall was often flirtily chatted up by clients and agents back when she did conveyancing, and usually brought home a couple of bouquets of flowers  every Friday after completions day. 

She didn’t mind at all, especially she now is surrounded by all female staff at her school…

Marshall has reminded me I've got a bottle of Moet from a grateful client that I need to take home.

If someone's first words to me were "your beautiful" I'd go straight of them for being illiterate.

Of course I understand Scylla and I would never go over to someone in those circumstances and say something like that. It sounds as crass to me as it does to you Cruella, Oyster and probably others.

I would hope that the fact I factually differentiated the scenarios I related would have made that reasonably obvious. 

What I was trying to convey is that there are nuances created by very occasional situations where AFTER some appropriate conventional acquaintance an acknowledgement of the situation is not inappropriate even if unconventional.

I can think of four such occasions in thirty years and recalling them was triggered by the meandering of the thread. 

so much going on here. vintage rof. 

as for never approaching a woman then that's how (completely out of character) I met my wife. but what I didn't do was walk up and say you look beautiful (although I was thinking it). some instinct mercifully turned me onto just chatting, heaven knows what about.

but I totally get the male instinct to say you're beautiful to a woman. felt that myself many times. I suspect often at least what men actually mean here is I'm attracted to you, which isn't exactly the same thing of course. we seem to have this need to translate it into pseudo-objective language (is this self-protection? ie I am not emotionally exposed here because it's about beauty ie any right thinking male would feel the same so I'm safe). with this we shoot ourselves point blank in the foot as the women on this thread have nailed it by pointing out how reductive and creepy it is for the first thing a stranger says to you to be totally about your physicality. 

"The compliment I paid to the shy confidence lacking young lady I would have just as happily made in front of my wife, who would immediately know why I had made it without my having to explain."

This, right there, is just ick - the reference to the "shy confidence lacking young lady" makes my skin crawl.  What would make you the judge of whether or not she was "shy" or "confidence lacking", as opposed to just being perfectly happy to mind her own business / not be "on" all the time /  not make small talk / chat sh1t to anyone, particularly not the smarmy bloke who keeps looking at her as if he's imagining her naked?

And if, indeed, she was shy or lacking in confidence, how do you come to the conclusion that the boost she needs is for some stranger to comment on her looks, and remind her that a) she has been under some sort of spotlight even if she didn't realise it, and b) in the end, she's just a bit of eye candy.

Cruella, I can assure you that she wouldn't have thought I was eyeing her up. I simply wasn't. 

As to whether my judgement was correct we will never know for sure but this was broadly the scenario.

I had been working with her and her (female) boss for several days and have been on this earth long enough to form an opinion. As a young man I was crushingly shy with women and unsure of myself with the opposite sex so maybe I sensed something I recognised.

Four of us were having dinner and she said something very self deprecating and self critical about her appearance which probably confirmed my impression. As a retort I said something along the lines of 

'You have a complexion that most women would die for', and it was fair comment.

Her boss thanked me later. 

If that makes me a creep, happy to be so.

Sorry but I’d be mortified if my boss and someone else thought they were doing me a good turn complimenting me on my appearance / complexion

I want to be complimented on my work. 

 

Sorry but I’d be mortified if my boss and someone else thought they were doing me a good turn complimenting me on my appearance / complexion

Even if they are just saying "You got a nice tan" after you get back from a holiday? 

What the hell is wrong with saying to a work colleague ‘wow, that’s a great tan!’ when they come back after a holiday.

It’s hard for blokes to be ‘allies’ when you are so miserably chippy about perfectly innocent phrases.

PS’s example above is complimenting a woman on her complexion to an audience including her boss 

PP’s example is a male boss complimenting a female employee on her tan 

You do you, but I wouldn’t say those things in those circumstances 

 

 

I would possibly compliment a colleague I was friendly with on their post holiday tan if I knew them well enough to be comment on their appearance in a positive way 

most of the time I would rather ask how the holiday was and let them tell me and focus on their positive experience not their appearance 

Oyster with the greatest of respect, I can't help thinking you should have called yourself 

'Walking round egg shells'. 

I suspect those you work with would have a view on that.

In some circumstances it'd make me feel uncomfortable, in others, I'd be flattered.

What I am not comfortable with is how some of these posts suggest that I should feel horrified in all circumstances, and by happily accepting a compliment on my looks reduces me to having attractiveness as my only redeeming quality.

Horses for courses. Some women, not all, find it creepy. No men or women can speak for all women.  

I only said it was creepy as an opening gambit from a total stranger. I think in most cases that holds, and you should find a better opener.

Commenting on a colleague's tan after holiday is surely fine though. 

There's quite a lot for blokes to learn on this thread, if they read the posts from Scylla, Cru, OysterBay and others and tried to consider the what has been said rather than trying to explain how what has been said is wrong, or how your individual circumstance was different.

We are just being told that, as a general rule, complimenting a female stranger and leading on their physical appearance may not be as well received as we might have thought.

I honestly hadn't considered this previously but it does make sense now it's been pointed out. Thankfully I'm about 20 years too old for me to need to remember to put this into practice but I do think it is helpful to know

"What I am not comfortable with is how some of these posts suggest that I should feel horrified in all circumstances, and by happily accepting a compliment on my looks reduces me to having attractiveness as my only redeeming quality."

Whereas others are suggesting you should never be horrified, which is much healthier and safer in the long run

A female colleague regularly comments on my tan.  I've never really thought about it before but at this time of year regularly turn up on a Monday with an even browner face.

No PS.

I was, as I am sure many women are also, sexually assaulted - verbally and physically multiple times by my male colleagues - senior, peer and junior in the workplace. 
 

sails as dense as you are when it comes to EQ or experiences you’ve not had, surely you can surmise the difference between senior male partner saying to young trainee ‘nice tan’ (that she perhaps acquired in a bikini on a beach) v ‘nice tan’ from peer colleague to peer colleague who’s a man in his 50s.

Anyway people get things wrong in life. Don’t say exactly the right things. So what. It’s not a big deal or a hanging offence.  I wonder if Stanley is in reality holidaying with a fun French women. Sounds a bit of a wind up to me. 

I have to say, I can't imagine anyone being offended by "ooh, nice tan", it's clearly just an opening conversational gambit, and I think you have to be trying really hard to be bothered by that.  Unless, of course, you follow up with "bet you've got some nice looking tan lines, eh?" while rubbing your thighs furiously and licking your lips.

WTF has a bikini got to do with the price of bread...?

Is aforesaid tanned and nubile hot Trainee standing in  front of the apparently leery old goat just wearing her undies..?

OB's chippiness knows no bounds.

 

Well Oyster whatever sales floor you worked on, that is appalling and here we agree to agree even if we have to agree to disagree about some of the other themes above.

I would have no hesitaion in saying again exactly what I said to a young girl beating herself up in the way I was hearing, and perhaps if you had been at the table and seen the context and the complete lack of anything inappropriate, you might come to the same conclusion on another day.

Please don't assume that the gorillas who tainted your work experience above are representative of all men. Some of us act out of decency, a little chivalry and maybe some of the ying and yang alchemy that is part of life from time to time.

Nope, but leery old partner is suggesting he’s thinking about her in her bikini by commenting on her tan and her skin and trust me she is fully grossed out 

So, by all means MH, fight for your right to make comments about women’s appearance in the workplace - it’s a great look and a brilliant fight for you as a man to fight rather than actually listen to some women and ask your colleagues if they had a nice holiday instead 

Cruella I’m glad that you only had to contemplate curdling cream. 

Imagine if you’d had choked on the biscuit crumbs and had to suffer a man administering the Heimlich procedure convinced he was hitting on you. 

You’re coming across as really strange PS having tried really hard to curate such a ‘lovely family man’ image here on Rof.

I don’t know why you’re trying to threaten and now patronise me on here unless what not only I said about your ‘compliments’ hit a nerve.

so in classic shit bag male style - rather than take the learning from all the women like actus , did you choose to be threatening, aggressive and patronising towards me.

Nice.

haha you're all such a crazy bunch of wonderful weirdos, it's all coming out on this thread:

- Chill the penis-chopper calling people creepy. The absolute AUDACITY.

- PS being a creepy uncle whose hand lingers a little too long.

- Oyster being all like 'I am LADY don't you know look at how offended I am on the internet'.

 

Melt. The lot of you.

Oyster something is getting lost in translation.

You have another little dig at me at 20.54 which mirrors the theme of your earlier posts. You get a little gentle bantz back and then complain?

Really? Really? Thrice. Really?

Moral of the tale. If you can’t take it don’t give it. 

I’ll park it. I don’t want to upset you and apologise if I’ve managed unwittingly to do so. 
 

 

LOL.

 

Dear,  dear Sails.  You never cease to be utterly predictable. 
 

For all your attention seeking posts on here, on how much men like compliments, and how it’s ok and fine and dandy with you…

Yet when someone finally gives you the compliment,  based entirely on what you look like, that you’re obviously fishing for.  
 

Your immediate reaction is to go looking for some to throw it back in their face and have a negative crack at them. 
 *******

‘If someone's first words to me were "your beautiful" I'd go straight of them for being illiterate.’ 

*******

Aptly demonstrating that even men don’t actually appreciate comments based solely on their looks.. and paying such a compliment isn’t going to get you the positive outcome that you seek. 
 

 

 

A man approached a beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,

“Excuse me, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.

Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?”

“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Just leave people alone ffs. Why would you start talking to a random stranger in a random setting who's just trying to get on with their day? Unless you, like, needed directions or something I guess.

Also.. for all those men saying they enjoy receiving compliments let’s be very clear here. 
 

You enjoy receiving compliments from women you find sexually attractive. 
 

The minute a woman you feel is unattractive compliments a man the best case scenario is polite dismissiveness… the usual is scorn, disgust and contempt. 
 

 

Jesus fooking Christ. 

1. See a woman you like. 

2. Make eye contact in a subtle, not staring way. If it's reciprocated move to 3.  If it's not, leave her alone. Move on with your life. 

3. Speak to her. Not to tell her she's sexy AF, but ask her something ("never been here before, have you eaten here?", "Can you watch my bag when I go to the bar, please"). If she's chatty/receptive, rather than standoffish or cool, move you 4. If she's is cool/standoffish, leave her alone. Move on with your life. 

4. Speak to her like she's a human person, and not a conquest. Don't be a dick. 

100% not wot Scylla sed. I am happy to accept graciously a compliment from anyone. Male, female, gorgeous or lawyer.

Not everyone who says nice things to you wants to stick their willy in you.

She certainly has a very opinion of herself.

Its odd though that blokes seem to serially hit on her, seeing as she must have the most practised  RBFace whenever she goes out.

So sorry we women really are the problem we should be so grateful for your unwanted, unneeded and inappropriate comments (compliments) about our personal appearance, especially if you are a total stranger or senior to us at work.

Scylla has no sort of complex about anything actually but she does have an excellent resting bitch face. You are right about that. 
 

But as for the two of you the 1950’s called and they want their misogyny back. 
 

 

 

It’s almost sad that, as a 70+ year old,  Marshall’s opinions on how to treat women obviously haven’t changed since the days men were allowed to feel up the entire secretarial pool without consequences. 

I may be a boomer, but a late one.

And to be honest, the only time I have been in a clutch with a member of any secretarial member of staff was when I was a green trainee, and was hauled into the deeds room by the senior partner’s randy PA at a Xmas party.

It's the online way.

Moderate views don't get a response so people feel unnoticed when they express them. Extreme views generate strong like and dislike responses which give the poster their little dopamine hit.

This is why trump is so successful. Life is increasingly online and people's brains are rewiring to hold increasingly extreme views.

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