I am unable to smile unless something is genuinely amusing. If I have to smile for a photo and I am not in the mood, I look like I am trying to pass a kidney stone or hold in a magnum fart.  My face in relaxed form is not a smiling one.  It is in fact quite severe - a relaxed scowl - and that's why people are initially scared that I'm some massive judgy bastard and steer clear of me.

I was looking through a barristers' chambers website and each and every one of them is gurning like a loon.  That's just not how you'll find them when you are in con or court with them.  That's not how they are in chambers.  Yeah, there's all that false bonhomie bollox abounding but the reality is that as soon as they are instructed its "ah yes this is a gravely difficult matter" headwag tut tut tut.  

Why do all corporate photos have to be smiling. It's more honest to have a pic on your website with a face that seems to be saying "this job has made me look like this". We should be more honest. My old work headshot was a stupid grin. I replaced this with one which is more truthfully depicting what you get when you do instruct me. Otherwise it would be a terrible shock. 

If I have to smile for a photo and I am not in the mood, I look like I am trying to pass a kidney stone or hold in a magnum fart. 


I found BTKC absolutely delightful in person. Great sense of humour. Most barristers actually. So don't mind the smiling pictures. As long as I am not forced to smile in one because it has the opposite effect as it makes me look severely depressed (fake smile with non-smiling eyes).

It's quite a long set up but worth it when you click on BTKC's link. An actual LOL at what would otherwise be just an entirely unamusing and generic headshot.

I work quite a lot with Bankim.  he is a truly delightful human. And very amusing. But he does not feel the obligation to gurn like a loony in the photo, was my main point. Good on him. It says yeah I am good and busy and even doing this photo is actually slightly annoying.

I've been told that saying "tits" gives the right expression, better than "cheese". The absurdity helps too, but you could get in trouble with the photographer...

Heff, the OEC ones are taken outside with midday sun and high res.  They all look bright and pasty and are squinting in the bright. They are noisy photos. they clang. 



resting grumpy face is better imo than a resting smiley face which tends to make the owner of said face look either a bit mad or a bit stupid or both.

Taking a good photo with a genuine smile requires one to like the photographer/built up a rapport and it also helps if they have made you laugh just before photo. A bad professional photo and companies who use poor photographers usually are not great employers in my experience. The fake smile therefore gives away a lot. 

Here’s a top management tip - if you have to give someone a bollocking in your office with the door closed, exit the room together afterwards, your employee first, and just as you open the door for them, say something mildly funny. That way they come out smiling to the audience in the open plan and tension diffused.

Mutters, I think you are being overly critical of yourself.  In reality you have the air of a mildly sinister uncle.  Like john wayne gacy on poppers.