Phew!  That’s a relief. I thought from the thread title you were going to say that you were organising a party to celebrate ? 

sadly he has disappointed me too much for that

He?  You are dating William Perry?

if you don't keep milk in it, that's why it turns sour

Does anyone else imagine clergs manor to have been created by Irvine Welsh?

weirdly a guy came into the café I was having lunch and called us all aunts then left

He's got you bang to rights, you have to admit, Clergs.

While people like you exist I am merely middle of the road, badders.

Awww, fanks m3. 

put a dish of bicarbonate of soda in it to get rid of smell 

maybe there's a deadmaus stuck to the back of it

Did the cod issue resolve itself in the end?

Maybe Cookie has been revenge jizzing behind the condenser unit.