Age gaps

Specifically where the woman is older.

How big is too big?  Asking for a friend.

Heh. How big is the gap in question? As long as they are legal, what's the issue?

my current lover is 11 years. He is older than me. 

I don't think it matters who is older. 

IME 10 years + too big 

less than 10 years no issue at all 

Your dating an 11 year old and he is older than you? You don't look great for your age 

Its not whether you *should* care, it's whether in practice life experience is too different to work well. 

all of my best mates (dave, dave, dave dave and dave) have mrs' tween 2 and 2.5 yrs older than them.  me too.

I am sure there is some psych lesson to be learned from this sample.  for which or both sexes I dont pretend to know.


Woman cannot be more than 2 years older than the man, otherwise one enters Macron country, with strange dynamics 

Up to 10 years ok, but 15 years maximum, unless ones operating under 

Isn't Alex Salmond's missus quite a bit older than him as well? 

Is 2 a sufficient sample size to draw any conclusions?  If Age(F) - Age(M) => 10yrs, you are dealing with a Salmond or a Macron. 

I’m on the Wang’s mate Daves’ plan and I’m a fan 

Stix, as long as it isn’t illegal knock yourself out!


I am happy to go 20 years older than me (and have) but balked at a guy who was a year younger than me earlier this year

I'm older than my Missus by eight years. It hardly matters when you're in your 40s and 50s. Either way round.

Specifically where the woman is older.

Glad RoF is paying as much attention to the question as ever. 

Depends on the context of this putative trip to cougar town.  For ONS or sperm-jacking purposes, the younger the better (assuming M of age), LTR purposes smaller age gap is better IMHO.



When I was 18 I was shagging a 35 year old. And before my most recent wife when I was about 34/35 ish I was living with a 46 year old. 

Swings and roundabouts really, age is just a number in my experience.

So that's Macron, Salmond and Teclis in the much older woman fanciers sample. 

Not really I just go for whoever I fancy at the time and pay no attention to age.  As I’ve gotten older mostly I’ve been with younger women.  

I have just arranged a date with a lady who was born while I was doing my GCSE's.  It does feel a little wrong.

ugh saillaw your smugness is just ming

loads of men shag women twenty years younger and it IS honestly a bit paul hollywood cringe to look at but do whatever, man (just remember it makes you look lame and creepy rather than cool)

and I say this as someone in lurve with a man who had finished primary school when she was born but I am quite wrinkly

I was going to post one of those pictures of PH with the horrible fingernailed April but I can't risk anyone seeing what I am googling

If you have to make aeroplane noises to get his cock in your mouth, he's probably too young.  Otherwise there are no rules.  Half your age plus seven is the usual one, innit?

By that rule I’m out by 2 years.  That’s not so bad.

To be fair half my age plus seven is only a year older than the lady I'm going on a date with.

Clergham with the cognitive dissonance of being in lurve with someone she thinks is "lame and creepy and not cool".

maybe re-think that one um yah um yah?

my uncle has been married to his 3 years older wife for about 50 years or so.  thought you'd like to know!

I think quite a large minority of men will fell uneasy about a long term relationship with an older woman. so there is a risk your friend could waste time with one of those. (assuming she wants a LTR ,  ETC ETC)

I clarified that I look old for my age so it isn't creepy

Also once you are over 30 it's all much of a muchness

You don’t look old for your age at all.  Not a day over 45z


I've always been attracted to women older than me by 10 yrs or so but doesn't really work with the children thing so not a goer for LTR

i assume Macron has loads of illegitimate kids or just doesn't want them or more likely will start a new family in his late 50s a la Hugh Grant

I never used to.  Now I kinda do again but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.  It’s a tricky one clergs, sometimes women will freak a guy out by wanting to make babies RIGHT NOW ON THIS FIRST DATE, you know? 

Bit ungentlemanly of Chambo to let us know his missus is 71, tbh.

"She looks old for her age so it isn't creepy"

a.k.a. The Adam Johnson defence

Pardon BC?  She's in her forties, bright as a button and doesn't want kids. Neither do I. Got two already from a previous marriage. They continue to be expensive enough.

Human nature is creepy. Unusual position for a human to take tbh

Stix, when I was 24 I dated a 19 year old for about four months. My preference was always to date someone older than me; after the 19 year old, I dated someone who was 14 years older than me. Yet, he was less mature than the 19 year old. 

Sorry, Chambo - that one like so many others clearly went WWWWHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH.

arse - it ain't tun yet. 


stickers may throw a yorker and that may propel this to a mega tun

The problem with this age gap thing comes when you are old.  

Everything is or can be fine until about age 65 to 70.  Then at some point between 65 and 75 the older partner’s life and health take a sudden lurch towards the very sedate and stay-at-home.  A few years later they die.  

With a ten year gap, the younger partner is always left with a decade of living with a very inactive person when they are not yet inactive followed by a decade alone.   

It doesn’t matter between the ages of 25 and 65


That’s not really a problem if you have already embraced the fact that balance of probabilities means you’re unlikely to be together in say 20 years.

Depends on what you are asking for... the young ones tend to be very enthusiastic in the sack though they need direction. 

But taking them out to dinner can get awkward, you don’t realise just how much your social interactions are determined by age/education/ life experience and critically finances.

I say this as a person who last went on a date with a 23 year old. 



I dunno, I think as usual it just varies from person to person.  I went on a few dates last year with a girl who was very nice but constantly needing serious amounts of attention.  Like way more than I was capable of giving at the time.  She was 39.

Currently with a 27 year old and she’s got enough going on in her life that we are lucky if we swap a few texts each day let alone see one another more than twice a week.  And when we do, it doesn’t look or feel weird at all.

Like I said earlier, horses for courses and in 20 years time I’ll be nearly 65 while she’ll not even be 50 yet.  I don’t see it lasting, heh, but nice to have a bit of company so enjoy these things while they last and don’t get hung up on age.

To be fair, I think age is the least of your worries in that relationship.

I think I'd rather be celibate than in your shoes tbh 

Heh and people wonder why so few new posters.  There’s just no need to be that unpleasant, let’s be really honest about that one.  

I wasn't intending to be unpleasant, I just wouldn't want to be in either of your shoes because both of you are in a really fucking weird and probably bad place.  As your constant posts on the subject evidence.

It's a shit insult anyway - I'd also rather be celibate than get biffed by Linda's OH. doesn't really seem like much of a put down.

That’s just sort of background radiation level nastiness, I get that, but it’s not a good sign in general. *shrug* I mean I don’t hungry care it just occurred to me that neither yours nor Linda’s posts were in any way necessary.

Heh @ necessary. Is everything you post necessary?  Is anything any of us post necessary?  FFS.

But yes, no more crip fights.  Apologies if I caused offence, this time I didn't mean to.

Unnecessary neutral bollocks fine.  Random nastiness just isn’t needed.  You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar! cool

I have not nailed anything for weeks now. Too busy.  

Dal it can work the other way too.  The younger one can actually keep the older one more active and healthier.  My dad's problem is that as soon as something becomes vaguely physically challenging he stops doing it so becomes unable to do that and the degradation means that something else then becomes hard and so on.

Err I know you were talking about your dad SummerSails but there is more than one way to read that!

Personally I do not think it matters either way, if you fancy someone you fancy them.  Who cares what others think.  If your friends and family cannot accept your choice they are not true to you.  Also I am aware of a number of very successful long standing relationships with the lady 10 - 15 years older than the guy.

P.S. You are only young once but you can be immature forever.  It may be old but I have always loved that.

Robbie he's had his prostate done so I can tell you some things don't become hard any more.  I'll never be able to forget walking into the room as he was telling my cousin that.

SummerSails when training I had to accompany a fellow trainee to a convalescent home to witness signature of a will.  The elderly gentleman was sitting in a wheelchair in a dressing gown explaining "I have had it all taken away" when he stood and pulled his gown wide apart below the belt.  I am not sure whether my eyes automatically adjusted focus so that I could see nothing (sic), or unconsciously I have blotted the vision out for self protection, but I do recall a feeling of black hole emptiness in my lower gut that was painful.

You have not yet told us your own views on the subject, Stixta?

When I go out for dinner with my young male lodger I like to say to say “my husband will pay” when they hand over the bill 1) because it’s hilarious and 2) because the split second reaction on the persons face is priceless #cougar

Stix, you are a bit negative and Miami vice so to speak these days. How about you show the new Rof some nice love and stop being a crab!

T, welcome back, and a fitting thread to join too. 

Unless you look noticeably older than your partner, few people will ever know about the age gap and even fewer will care.

My only issue with much younger women would be not having much to talk about in terms of life experiences / perspective.

and who are you “Hot Now” and what have I done to you that you have taken against me?

(rest assured however that your chances of getting shagged by me are exactly zero.)

As I said Fred, I am eight years older than my wife, but she has an older brother who is my age.

So when it comes to old TV/cultural references she knows everything because her brother used to watch it all.

With her pesky little sister as he calls her to this day.

Up to five years generally no issue unless the woman's biological clock is ticking and bloke is not ready for kids yet maybe but that can be an issue if you are the same age (and yes sometimes its the bloke who wants to crack on with having kids, but its less often an issue I think).

Five to 10 years.  Biological clock thing more likely to be an issue if still relevant.  Otherwise it's generally fine and often works well I think as you have one more mature partner and one who is still more youthful in their outlook.  That can be good for both partners.

10-15 years.  Can work obviously but a bit weird if one of them is 20... Also once you get past 10 years it is much more likely to be an issue in retirement particularly if both of you have careers you want/need to keep working in.  A mismatched window of being retired but still physically active is a pain. The difference between being 65 and being 80 is likely to seem a lot bigger than being 40 and 55.

15 plus - just odd.

anything more than 6-7 years gap is just odd (when the female is younger). Can't say how it works the other way round

I think MummyMeh is 15 years older than her husband but that all seemed a bit mail ordery and is generally rather odd so not sure it counts.

I went out with someone 10 years younger for a while and didn't really notice it to be honest.