Browne Jacobson is the undisputed master of toilets, wininng the bathroom category for the second year in a row with a lemony fresh 94%. "It's true", says a staffer, "they have great toilets".

And a porcelain delight awaits at Burges Salmon in joint second place, where it's "one yank - gone". Although the bathrooms "were clearly designed by a woman.  The gents have three washbasins and only one urinal".  

Slaughters is also a one-wiper with 80%, though several staff worry that "either the Dispute Resolution group and one Corporate dept. produce an awful lot of poo" or "there is a significant issue with the plumbing on the fourth floor". Another says the loos "stink of rancid feces" because "there is no functioning extractor fan system, which I'm pretty sure is illegal". Hogan Lovell's loos are "generally good", though "some people are clearly yet to be properly trained in their use". Whereas  Ince & Co suffers from a "bad toilet design" which means it is "almost impossible to close the door once you step into a cubicle".



Meanwhile the loos at Allen & Overy lost points because they "remain a war zone". However the firm still managed 70%. Maybe it's because "vast numbers of cyclists" showering every morning means "the entire ground floor facilities smell of Lynx Africa".

At Bird & Bird, the toilets in 15 Fetter Lane "occasionally smell like the south end of a northbound skunk", but are "generally sparkling": 69%. And there''s anger at Eversheds (67%), where one lawyer complains that she's, "sick of going into the toilets and seeing my colleagues' poop/period towels/other excretions all over the place". TMI? DAC Beachcroft London lawyers are also too close for comfort thanks to "paper-thin walls" between cubicles which mean it's like "someone is pinching a loaf two inches from your face". The firm gets 66%.

Further round the u-bend, Mishcon's interesting-sounding "waterless urinals" are "unspeakably appalling", with claims that the "stench of amonia" from the 58% scoring facilities set off the fire alarms. Futuristic commode concepts have also backfired at Nabarro's otherwise well-loved new offices. The loos "look nice", but are "stench retainers" which smell "like several animals died within them" and/or like "a turd dunked in L'Eau de Poundland". It's "not good in there" confirms a senior associate, an the firm is scored a low 54%

It's even worse at Travers (50%, where one associate compares the loo to a "13th century Balkan toilet", and at Herbert Smith Freehills where the toilets are "just awful". The fact that they "don't flush properly" seems to have been addressed "by dimming the lights in the cubicles so you can't see that you are defecating on top of someone else's". Lovely. Parabis comes second last for loos which are a "joke", and because HR sent out emails chiding staff for "using too much loo roll". Appropriately Trowers proves to be king of the terrible toilets, bobbing about stubbornly in last place. Maybe the Golden Turd can be plopped in to add some sparkle.

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Comments

Anonymous 13 February 15 09:05

Hang on... shooty* here. I've been in the DAC London loos, and it might be that I was using the Visitor toilets, but they were amazing. They were individual rooms, each probably larger than most Londoner's flats, with (if memory serves) Dyson hand dryers. And flowers. And mood lighting.

Anonymous 13 February 15 15:42

Sorry DLA have the best toilets by far, in Sheffield. They also have the best coffee and the best looking lawyers.

Anonymous 13 February 15 21:15

Shooty, you're not thinking of the loos at DWF mate. We're lucky if they're clean. DLA you're thinking of.

Anonymous 15 February 15 01:22

Quite surprised RoF didn't go and crack any jokes regarding Squire Patton Boggs'...bogs.