USER WARNING: The following 517 words are little more than a shameless advertorial for a do-gooding refugee bike charity.
On the plus side, by the time you've finished reading, you might have finally found a good excuse to get rid of your old bicycle, which – let's be honest – is nowadays little more than a source of mutual guilt and resentment at the foolish optimism of your younger, more attractive self.
Founded in 2013, The Bike Project (the notorious charity in question) provides an innovative solution to one of the most pressing problems facing refugees in the UK: the cost of transport and the impact that the lack of mobility has on their daily lives.
The Bike Project fixes up old bikes and gives them to refugees and asylum seekers, who are banned from working for some baffling political reason and are instead forced to get by on government handouts of just £37.75 a week.
You know you're in trouble when a return bus trip to Croydon costs you over half of your daily food budget.
So far The Bike Project have given out more than 5,500 bikes and helped refugees in London and Birmingham save over a million pounds in unspent bus fares to Croydon (and beyond).
They also teach cycle proficiency to women refugees who might never have been allowed to own a bike, let alone ride one in their countries of origin. For many of these women, learning to cycle is more than a cost-saving necessity, it represents an act of rebellion against deeply ingrained beliefs and cultural taboos.
Yeah, actually, that's quite cool.
But The Bike Project can't do any of this without getting their oily mitts on your old bike. And your sister's old bike. And Simon from Addleshaw Goddard's old bike. And probably half a dozen of those gleaming new 'Cycle to Work' bikes that you've seen gathering dust in the racks at your office for the past six months.
Let's be honest: if they haven't been used all summer, they're not going to get used now, are they?
So here we go... The big ask...
The Bike Project is in dire need of an almost endless supply of bikes. If you hadn't noticed, the refugee crisis isn't going away any time soon and, even if the government succeeds in its plan to set fire to the English Channel, there are already 400 people on The Bike Project waiting list who would bite your hand off for a secondhand bike.
(Note: there have been no confirmed incidents of hand dismemberment at The Bike Project workshop.)
Wouldn't it be cool to clear that waiting list by Christmas? Yes, you're right - it would.
All you need to do is whack your postcode into our map and find your nearest drop-off point. With more than 30 drop-off points across London, getting your bike to The Bike Project couldn't be much easier unless we personally broke into your garage while you were at work.
And we refuse to do that. It's totally your department, but we think it might break a few laws.