A Leeds solicitor who started the petition to deny Donald Trump a State visit to the UK says the support it has gained is "absolutely crazy". But winding up all-powerful narcissists comes with risks. 

Graham Guest, a criminal lawyer with the Crown Prosecution Service in West Yorkshire, started the petition a few weeks ago. Before the weekend it had attracted just 60 signatures. But then thin-skinned crowd repulsor Trump signed an executive order which banned refugees from entering the US for 120 days, indefinitely banned Syrian refugees and banned entry of all nationals from seven majority Muslim countries.

Trump's hasty fulfillment of a campaign promise created the sort of 'bad optics', including images of doctors, war heroes, children and pensioners stranded at airports, which could be easily manipulated by the Mainstream Media to suggest that his patriotic brainwave was a mismanaged brainfart. It provoked large protests at airports across the US and around the world, and attracted condemnation from beta cucks everywhere. Over the weekend, Guest's petition suddenly gained traction. By Monday it had secured over a million signatures, meaning that MPs must consider debating it in parliament. By Tuesday it had over 1.6 million, a record.

Meanwhile Putin propaganda sites Russia Today and the Telegraph seized on the existence of a poorly-spelt and worded rival petition as evidence that 103,159 people want to put their face under a boot forever.

The Queen has not commented on whether helping Trump down the stairs by his tiny hand and then performing the "full monty" for him would embarrass her, but a regal hosting of the vindictive groper could certainly diminish Britain's reputation on the global stage. In addition, there are likely to be considerable obstacles to fulfilling Trump's expectations of what a State visit should entail. He already wants golf at Balmoral with HRH, and royal flunkeys must surely be preparing themselves for further demands: a TickerTrump parade, a right for his bloodthirsty sons to shoot game in London Zoo, and the Wee to the City, which would permit POTUS to pee on commoners, or vice versa, on Tower Bridge between dawn and dusk.

Guest told the Yorkshire Evening Post that Trump should be denied the honour of a State visit because he "is a misogynist racist". Talking to the Associated Press, he said, "at the end of the day he is still the president and we've just got to live with that. But there's no reason why he should get all the pomp and publicity of a state visit". 

It has put Teresa (sp) May in an unenviable position. If she doesn't appease the prickly Trump with a State visit and all the trimmings, past form suggests that he will interpret the slight as an unforgivable humiliation and throw a nuclear paddy, or at least levy a savage punishment trade tariff on the UK. But if she does grant the State visit and let him to smarm over Brenda, frot Kate and eat a swan, thousands of stoic British peasants can be expected to follow him everywhere, lining his route to the Palace, gathering under ever balcony at which he appears, all the while chanting, "YOU PATHETIC, SHORT-FINGERED BUMFLUTE". Which could just as effectively lead to a termination of the Special Relationship via ICBM. May must be beginning to appreciate how it is that so many of the women with whom Trump attempts to initiate a Special Relationship end up suing him.