A sex tape featuring a celebrity law student has leaked online.

RollOnFriday is not identifying the wannabe lawyer, because it would be cruel to hobble his legal career before it has even started, particularly with footage of the young man tugging away for Britain. 

In the Skype call video, Mr X can be seen collapsing onto his pleather couch and pulling off his top to reveal a sculpted body 100% more pleasant than fellow celebrity onanist Leslie Grantham's. And then off come the trousers. 12 minutes later, he's ready for his seminar on torts.

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Meanwhile, in Jerry Springer news, an inside source has revealed the results of a paternity test which became necessary when two lawyers married to other people conducted a year-long affair and then discovered she was pregnant. Who was the dad, husband or boss? An insider said, "if your piece on 'badsexy/paternity' testy behaviour refers to [name of partner redacted], and his associate, [name redacted], then the paternity test proved that the child was [the partner]'s".

Staff in the department "all had a very uncomfortable time" while "they were sneaking in and out at lunch times for a quick shag and we weren't supposed to notice". Now that the less-than-happy news is out, "we are all supposed to think it is all OK but it really isn't".

Hooray for the febrile office atmosphere of your average law firm. Winky Wankerson will fit right in.