I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, love your style, have you been working out? Believe in yourself and you can do anything.’
What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonky donkey.
What do you call a one-eyed three-legged donkey? A winky wonky donkey.
What do you call a flatulent one-eyed three-legged donkey? A stinky winky wonky donkey.
What do you call a flatulent one-eyed three-legged donkey wearing blue suede shoes? A honky tonky stinky winky wonky donkey.
What do you call a flatulent one-eyed three-legged donkey wearing blue suede shoes and playing a piano? A plinky plinky honky tonky stinky winky wonky donkey.
What do you call a magician who lost their magic? Ian.
Heh.
A rabbit, an imam and a priest walk into a blood test centre
the rabbit says "i think i'm a type-O"
Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.
They’ve named it pharaoh roche.
why did the scarecrow win the nobel?
Outstanding in his field?
you’re too good kaulbach
Soz. Go again.
why don’t kleptomaniacs understand puns?
I went to a meeting of hypochondriacs anonymous last night.
the first step is admitting you don't have a problem
What did the vain cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
Haloumi.
I though i had a joke about sodium but Na.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
The flag, it's a big plus.
Chill - you us all a punchline. I don’t have a scooby-doo why kleptomaniacs don’t understand puns.
Please can you turn the lights on.
sorry kaulbach
because they’re always taking things literally
8.2/10
I had a racing snail and i removed its shell to make it faster.
It actually became quite sluggish.
I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, love your style, have you been working out? Believe in yourself and you can do anything.’
Dad: "So son, what do you want to be when you grow up? A plumber, or a pizza delivery man?"
Son: "Dad, you've been watching pron again!"
Did you hear the rumour about the butter?
I couldn't spread it.
What did the leg amputee call herself? Eileen.
What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonky donkey.
What do you call a one-eyed three-legged donkey? A winky wonky donkey.
What do you call a flatulent one-eyed three-legged donkey? A stinky winky wonky donkey.
What do you call a flatulent one-eyed three-legged donkey wearing blue suede shoes? A honky tonky stinky winky wonky donkey.
What do you call a flatulent one-eyed three-legged donkey wearing blue suede shoes and playing a piano? A plinky plinky honky tonky stinky winky wonky donkey.
Groans
Just read them all out to my kids (censored Realist’s offering) and my daughter thinks Orwell wins.
(G’wan gets an honourable mention but “it’s not bad but I’ve heard it before”)
My son told me someone at school threw sodium chloride at him during a Chemistry lesson.
I said, “That’s assault”
I’m going change jobs to become a manufacturer of mirrors.
I could see myself doing that.
How do non-binary ninjas kill people?
They slash them.
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