Shame you can't give virtual massages then 

Yes, that is a shame.  But, by the same token, Chris can't virtually bum anyone, so I suppose we should all be grateful.

Heh.

Lots of things that can be done virtually but yes, bumming isn't one of them. 

Unless you've got a carrot, a webcam, and a sense of adventure.

Carrot? Kinky 

I would like someone to oil my feet and slowly caress it into my skin...

It's a utility vegetable

Also a shame foot massages can't be done virtually Fluffy 

Steady fluffy, you may just have given ML an MI!

Clearly more useful than I thought, Stix.  Whatever works for you I guess 

I would love a shag right now

Not me, love

Scratch up against the bannister 

I suspect the massages would ordinarily lead that way anyways, Phoebe 

I'm going to dry hump the bejesus out of my favourite cushion...

I’m too tired to shag again.  Age catches up eventually. 

wouldn't know, the idea of a massage makes me boak

Shaggy massage with lots of gagging . 
 

./.

soz 

Even as part of foreplay, Phoebe?

Eewweeeeeewwwwww

TOM!!!

a massage is deffo not foreplay with me.

What is?

Being tied up and spanked I’m guessing.

Im reminded of the old joke about what’s Australian foreplay?
”spread yer legs Sheila, I’m going in”.

To be in a round of beers with mates, at that point where you know you've already had too much but, sod it, another 5 won't hurt 

foreplay for Phoebe is three pints and telling me that you would like to shag me

I do that every time I see you, I didn't realise it was foreplay

Only 3? I've been doing Rof drinks wrong 

I only drink fizz. Shame. 

you don't have to drink the pints GSM

mmmmmmmmmm

Heed. Re-starting a round is a massive shout.  You'll never get drinks value but you'll be the hero of the night. Buy a secret bottle of port too.

*drops monocle*

Hero of the night, but the devil incarnate to to the wives etc, when they all spill through their front doors later . I Always get the blame. Port would be a novelty.! 

So anyway, what’re you wearing Phoebs? And how many pints in?

Laphroaig

I've sailed past the old man of hoy on the way to Kirkwall... its underwhelming 

And there was I thinking that the Ozzie definition of foreplay was just swiping the used beercans off the bed!

And there was I thinking that the Ozzie definition of foreplay was just swiping the used beercans off the bed!

Puts me in mind of an old aussie drinking song

Down by the billabong

Underneath a cookaburra

There I met a shiela

Said brace yourself shiela

For the best 7 seconds of your life

I would love a shag right now

didnt know you were a pipe smoker. Virginia or Smooth?

Right now I would like the following:

1. A decent coffee
2. Some actual contemporaneous sport to watch on the telly

you can have anything you like provided you agree to the plod checking it out live...