Stupidest thing a NQ/Trainee/ Paralegal has done at your firm

How dumb

accepted our offer of a training contract

NEXT

An apprentice in joinery once went to stores and got a Stanley knife (just the blade without the handle) went back to where he was working and wrapped the Stanley knife in wrapping plastic and then tried to start using it.

Unsurprisingly he nearly sliced his hand off and had to go to hospital.

There was a company-wide email to tell us all not to do that and I really thought ‘just...wow....’

One wasted weeks on a pointless spreadsheet. Showed willing I suppose, but I told him the answer within a few minutes.

Then I gave his boss a bollocking for wasting people's time.

Ran out of desk space on a deal and placed a couple of lever arch files of due diligence docs on top of her waster paper bin then went home without moving them back onto the desk.

Posted on Rollonfriday about how everyone at his future training firm was a twat. 

Chambers do you have any stories about your experiences in your working or professional life that do not end in ‘and everyone thought I was a genius and agreed that I am the lord of all I survey’.

Also that anecdote clearly does not relate to the failing of a junior - from the sounds of it that’s a stupid thing their line manager asked them to do - and bollocking either of them is hugely unprofessional you should have tried to understand what led to that waste of time.

should have tried to understand what led to that waste of time.

sounds like someone was hoarding information to make a knowledge moat for himself at the expense of the law firm.

cant blame that person either really 

We had one that voted for Brexit.

Needless to say, she didn't last very long.

Emailed the other side the client's instructions. 

Vac schemer.  Older guy on a second career.  Spent two hours photocopying a set of pleadings one page at a time instead of just loading it on the tray, missing the telecon to discuss them in the process.  Found him wandering around in the corridor.  He told me “someone” had asked him to photocopy something but he couldn’t find the meeting room.  I explained yes, that was me, and the meeting was finished.  

I was nice to him at the time, but I couldn’t exactly give him a glowing write up.

the magnificent sven14 Aug 19 06:41

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We had one that voted for Brexit.

Needless to say, she didn't last very long.

 

Wouldn't surprise me if this were true. I actually love telling remainiac lawyers I voted for Brexit (usually after they have been slagging off thick leavers).

One of the BD ladies. Quite a few of them did, actually.

@3-ducks - yeah I still laugh thinking about the confused look on his face wandering round the office.  He'd stapled the pleadings back together with the little stapler as well, looked like a fucking 2 year old had done it.

Unsure about what to do with all the correspondence from clients which came in without a reference, she hid them in a cupboard. All the correspondence from clients without references was for newly litigated cases.

Oh and another who tried to fence stolen phones, in a solicitors' office.

Yes I suspect he's head of Tax somewhere and has never stapled a thing since.

Wouldn't surprise me if this were true. I actually love telling remainiac lawyers I voted for Brexit (usually after they have been slagging off thick leavers).

 

It must be satisfying to see their faces as their pre-conceptions about thick leavers are destroyed by this revelation.

It must be satisfying to see their faces as their pre-conceptions about thick leavers are destroyed by this revelation.

or their views are simply cemented further

Rufty: the cupboard thing makes me shiver. We had one like that...

Showing my age, a guy who was trainee at same time as me was given the White Book one day. 2 pages had post it notes attached. 'copy that for me' said partner. 

He wanted the 2 post-it-noted pages. 

He got (a few days later) the entire White Book.

At another firm, we had a very keen young lady who worked in motor fraud dept who bypassed claimants solicitors and wrote directly to claimant saying 'we think your claim is fraudulent and you're going to prison'. She wasn't getting her letters checked before sending... 

He got (a few days later) the entire White Book.

 

Haha ffs

Did any of these muppets survive the training contract/paralegal post?

White Book Man did, sadly.

Still practicing, I hear.

Probably still insufferable. 

I got into a lift on the first day of my training contract, saw the lift was manufactured by Schindler and said "Oh, it's Schindler's lift!".

Next to the head of IP, who had no sense of humour and also happened to be Jewish.

Not my best ever move.

tbf that's a great joke. Understandable that it didn't set his heart on fire

I must say, when I moved to the bright lights of the City, I saw a Schindler's lift and was tempted to crack the same joke.  Luckily, uptight lawyer me got hold of say-what-you-see northern me and advised him to keep his trap shut.

In no circumstances would the Schindlers Lift gag not be funny.

Goebels could have cracked it on his way up to trial at Nuerenberg. Still funny.

I worked on a case many years ago where the trainee had all the trial bundles copied before being paginated

the associate found the trainee in the office at the weekend with the paginating stamp trying to do them all and panicking because she kept on finding the same volume with different total page numbers and then she had to go back to find the page that she'd missed out and put in correct numbers by hand

they had to bin the whole lot and start again

pagination (and bundles with multiple pagination) is such a ballache

I had a trainee do that, Heffers right before they had to be served. It was muggins here though who had to pull an all-nighter to hand paginate the fucker, with a very kind colleague, as said trainee had buggered off to the gym.

Did the trainee survive, Judo? I would have got them out of the gym sharpish

Useless trainee had a cupboard of shame where he shoved anything he cocked up/didn't know how to deal with (which was a lot due to aforementioned uselessness). This was discovered upon him leaving the seat (and firm) at the end of his TC and I understand caused a couple of weeks of frantic pant-shitting damage control in that department

Sounds like Shatner's trainee supervisor should have been shown the door too then

Definitely, I think she did leave a few months later

Martian Law14 Aug 19 12:28

pagination (and bundles with multiple pagination) is such a ballache

 

 

Chitty should've done a book on that, never mind stupid contracts.