Simon Bates article help pls

“Today’s Our Tune comes from Andrew in Windsor. Andrew tells us how he is rich, humble and handsome, beloved of everyone who meets him, and especially his Mum, but unable to find true love. He married a woman because they are intellectual equals (and both with an egg-white omelet) but they are incompatible in other ways: she is a big lass who sweats like a blind lesbian in a fish market whereas he is unable to perspire at all.  
He has had many girlfriends some of whom he didn’t have to pay £12 million pounds to in order for them to get over the unpleasantness.