Sorry this is happening to you.

I don’t really get stressed, but my observation of people close to me is that it can often be after the main stressors have finished that the real impact hits- the body/mind being in a fight/flight response prior to that.

So put yourself first, be kind to yourself (I know I know but it’s true) and allow yourself space.

I can't really remember the last time that I was really stress free although the stress these days is not a case of pressure arising from things being out of control and urgent but just a constant ongoing level of crap to deal with that grates consistently.  I'm just really fvcking tired and a week off just doesn't cut it.  I think when my old man eventually goes I'll use that as an excuse to pack the job in for a while and have a proper break as a week of just doesn't make any difference any more.

The most toxic things in life are people, often people in the workplace. Address that/them and things should improve. 

It is less comparable with the emotionally draining issues you mention, but when my OH finishes a particularly full on period of work (and to be fair sometimes that has been coupled with family issues) I pack him off for a week alone in the sun, with books, running kit and no laptop (yes thats annoying for me holding down the fort at home) He comes back 100% a nicer person and with a feeling of being able to tackle things and having forgotten about the previous months. 

I know that is basically saying take a holiday.... but.. take one by yourself to decompress in your own space with no distractions or "need" to do or see anything or anyone, no need to make conversation or organise another person actual leisure time and being comfortable in your own company to relax. 

Although if you are more leaning towards jacking everything in and doing something else thats different. 

Thanks.
 

Sails, this bit you've just said hit home enormously

"just a constant ongoing level of crap to deal with that grates consistently.  I'm just really fvcking tired and a week off just doesn't cut it. "

well I am sorry for us all that this feels like part of normal modern life. I am currently resentful I have to spending 12 hours of my day working (inc commuting), where is there time for downtime?

One thing that was once said to me that stuck was “this is as good as it gets”. There will never be a right time for anything. I found / find mindfulness / CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) techniques really useful. Google it but in essence say no to that ‘fvuck’ thought, which leads to negative feelings & negative actions. Instead try to replace with a neutral or positive thought like “oh this has happened” then “ok well I’ll sort that later”. 

I’ve found writing down feelings has helped - just for me. And scheduling time for ME. You can’t be there for others, in a personal or professional capacity if you are also never there for yourself. You are not a superhero (sorry to break it to you), you are a human - and probably knackered. So you need to block time out to exercise, eat healthy foods, look back 10/20 years - what were your hobbies then, do you do any of them or have they all slowly been eroded? Well, try to resurrect whatever it is - reading a book (or an audiobook), music, football (or golf), cooking - whatever it is, make time to do it.

Treat yourself as you would an important client. So, no, actually, that baking on a Saturday morning cannot be moved because the electrician wants to come around - the house can wait a few days; no I am not available on Thursday at 6pm I’m afraid as I have another client commitment. Client happens to be me and I’m going to the cinema or whatever. That’s what I do. You’ve got to pace yourself. And don’t feel guilty - you deserve it. Look at who is running the country and ask yourself honestly if you’re expecting too much of yourself.

and yes, a HOLIDAY is on the cards within the next month. 

Thankfully I don't spend anything like 12 hours a day working but as soon as I stop work there's still a pile of other stuff to deal with because some people are just dealing with less and less themselves so it ends up with even though those other people don't work and have all day to deal with stuff.  

the ivf probably fooked with your hormones - massive reason for anxiety/hypervigilence in women

give it a few months and things will hopefully settle down

Daily life is a grind in my view.  I don't have children, but I have a ton of other responsibilities/commitments/things I have to do - or otherwise want to do to offset work, that mean I never stop.  The day starts at 5am and it finishes at 9pm, Monday to Friday, week in, week out.  Saturday is not much better.  I do take the odd week off, but it is never enough - work is an interruption, and if I am with my husband or friends, it isn't really "my time" anyway.  The best break is one without people - and I do this at least twice a year.  It is the only thing that keeps me sane.

But getting back to eskimo roll, are you sure it isn't depression?  

Cynical there isn't much option to go for the positive we'll sort that later when you've got one parent with a terminal illness as it can't be sorted.  Similarly when they're stuck on the bedroom floor at 1am it's not an option to go back to sleep and sort it later.

I spend more time doing my hobby than I did twenty years ago but that just means more feeling like I never actually stop because I get back from a weekend sailing to find a list of other things that now need doing.

Thankfully my parents are getting on and another few years I'll finally get my freedom back.

V sorry to hear this and can empathise.  I doubt there's a blanket solution so I can only offer what works for me and that's to remind myself that it's ok to be a litle bit selfish.  As someone said, stress is caused by external factors (normally people) so make sure to keep something back for yourself.  Whether it is exercise, a book, socialising or seclusion, it's VITAL to have something to look forward to on a regular basis otherwise that sensation of a never-ending furrow won't let up.

Hope that helps.

wtf glasserz 5am!

I feel I do a lot with my life and work ft but I am rarely out of bed before 8

I do stay up late but for lolz reasons only

having kids would suck the big one, though

all those fooking clubs and classes and blaaaa shaddup kid

Everyone hates their life sometimes.

I hate my life sometimes.

I just get in the sea (if there’s any swell). Probably the best thing my dad ever did for me was teaching me surfing

Agree with Quips- time out regularly to do whatever it gives you pleasure to do is so important- an hour (or two) to yourself can make so much difference. Hope you feel better v. soon eskimo.

here's a better idea - make your entire life for your benefit with a couple of hours out for other people

What Clergs said about hormones, for me, they are the major determining factor in how I feel. Many contraceptives make me feel anxious and unable to enjoy anything, and I imagine after IVF you'll have some major adjustments to get back on an even keel. But we're all different!

I am finding aging alone to be increasingly depressing and stressful.  

Thanks for all just being nice this morning. Some stuff in here I really needed to hear, and some real nuggets of truth (and yes, I have wondered how long the hormones 'stay in you' after treatment as I am not quite back to my old self yet.

Thanks rof- all very honest and helpful today and makes me realise we are all struggling in our own ways

Clergs - yes - but the reason why I do that is to have the one thing in my life that I love outside of work that I mention (i.e. I choose to) - and that is having a horse (other than Mr GHF - but sometimes I love the horse more as he doesn't argue back). 

Depending on daylight I am actually working or riding at that time; doing that enables me not to let it impact my work.  And, being out riding at that time in the morning, where everything is quiet, there are no people or noise and you can enjoy the peace and tranquility in the countryside is the best way to start the day.

Without that in my life, I would be truly miserable, instead of partially miserable.

Maybe work is a bit much. 12 hours (inc commuting) does not leave room for much else. In the meantime, as everyone always says on these threads, pay to outsource as much home stuff as you can (cleaning etc). Try to stay healthy. Try to see the positive in things. Maybe get see the GP if it's bad. 

Judy: you seem like a nice, cool, interesting person. If you don't want to be alone, you might need to change your vision of your ideal partner and go for someone who doesn't tick all the boxes. Lots of women who are cool, intelligent, earn a decent wage etc won't find a match who is similar to them on heaps of levels. On the other hand, you might also decide that you'd prefer to be alone than to choose someone who doesn't tick all your boxes. But you should know that even with that supposedly perfect person, you might not be happy. So I reckon, just try to appreciate all the fantastic things about your life and your freedom to do what you want at this moment. Easy for me to say I know. But maybe by letting go, that perfect match will just turn up!

Londonhead - can I be married to you please?! A week in the sun on my own sounds amazing! 

To the OP, what I actually generally do when a period of stress is over is go out with some mates and get absolutely roaring blackout sh1tfaced. I am not saying I recommend it really and it's obviously not healthy. But it works as a 'fire break'. Life starts again as the hangover clears. 

I struggle with the times that follow the high intensity periods and resetting is a challenge.

What I found helped is running. Exercise is generally good for that sort of thing anyway but the monotony of long runs when you fall into a rhythm really helped me clear my head. I think a lot of people who don’t enjoy running (which use to include me) give up before they get to that stage. You need to push past that stage and it’s often the second half of a run that is really the enjoyable bit. 

Also try to listen to more music. 

@Donny - it didnt come from a place of kindness - self protection. Found if he had a crazy few months we had monumental rows as i felt unsupported in that time, and then once the deadline goes expected him to immediatley jump back into being helpful at home and a fun partner when he was just dead inside - so easier to hang on for another 5 days and have a nice person back. Also it isn't allowed to be anywhere too nice that i'd want to stay lol.

Some very good advice from Londonhead1 up there.

To decompress properly, I need to spend a few days where other people are not.  

eskimorolldeep are you married? do you have kids? Is your husband a partner in the home taking on circa 50% of the family's work? I ask as it's sadly still very normal for men to be pretty idle in their homes Do you have a supportive partner at home who willingly helps out without being asked to?

Have you ever tried talk therapy? Or discussed with a medical profession lifestyle changes you could make, to hopefully reduce your stress levels?

"well I am sorry for us all that this feels like part of normal modern life. I am currently resentful I have to spending 12 hours of my day working (inc commuting), where is there time for downtime?"

Plenty don't live this way It can feel like everyone does, when we do, but it isn't true that we "have to" If you are wealthy, affluent and economically stable, you have a lot of options to make lifestyle changes that would give you a more 8-5 type day of work

Unless you are subject something which just can't be changed in the short to medium term.

Yes, married, no kids (been trying). Husband is very useful and if I am honest does more household chores than me (I manage our social calendar and relationships). I cannot complain about him.

Have tried talking therapy but was literally 'sacked' by my therapist of 6 months a couple of weeks ago as she didn't think I needed much more help?!! 

I did, following advice here, do a short 3km run at lunch and I think the endorphins helped a lot. Will try and put boulders of time in my diary weekly to exercise as it does truly make me feel better when I do it (even if I am feeling exhausted).

I think there is also a lot of family politics at play at the moment which is affecting my mood including a heavily pregnant S-I-L who has said my presence makes her too anxious as it makes her feel guilty about being pregnant (as I have been doing IVF) so to protect her and the baby my brother has asked I don't keep in contact until she's given birth. And a crazy MIL who is upset I was not 'friendly' enough when staying with them whilst I was mid IVF treatment, so she hasn't talked to us for a month as husband supported me. 

‘I ask as it's sadly still very normal for men to be pretty idle in their homes’

yeah ama gonna need to see your evidence soz

"Husband is very useful and if I am honest does more household chores than me (I manage our social calendar and relationships). I cannot complain about him."

This is important, and am glad you have a partner in the home

"Have tried talking therapy but was literally 'sacked' by my therapist of 6 months a couple of weeks ago as she didn't think I needed much more help?!!"

Your punctuation is puzzling Are you expressing surprise at this? What did you say was the remit at the outset? What were your goals? What type of talk therapy was it that you signed up for (lots of different models exist, some for fixed periods of time, some for unspecified amonts of time, some with the intention of them potentially running "forever")

What were the therapist's exact words about why the sessions should stop (don't share if they reveal anything confidential, or might make you uncomfortable for strangers to know)?

"I did, following advice here, do a short 3km run at lunch and I think the endorphins helped a lot. Will try and put boulders of time in my diary weekly to exercise as it does truly make me feel better when I do it (even if I am feeling exhausted)."

This is fantastic as a start, but limited in potential to help, if the bits surrounding it are overwhelming and stressful (the same is true for meditation - it has to be a complete lifestyle change, not 15 min's a day and business as usual)

Have you discussed with a medical profession lifestyle changes you could make, to hopefully reduce your stress levels?

Londonhead sounds like a good partner

Sad to see no male poster ask if he's a decent partner to her There's just a celebration of the idea that she do yet more for him, and a wish you males could have that setup What about the woman who is covering for that setup, so has more to do? Doesn't she deserve your care and attention, too, to ask how she is treated by her husband?

I love the client suggestion from Cynical Lawyer. 

After sustained periods of stress do you find you can go back to 'normal' straight away

No. After "normal" sustained periods of stress, I need to go somewhere that's not like my life in London on my own to reset.  Orkney usually does the trick for me.  After really nasty prolonged bouts of awfulness (which I have had this year), even that doesn't do it properly TBH. 

Meditative breathing, setting new little rituals that I have mentally attached to more positive feelings (e.g. lighting incense when I first get up, lighting a candle in the evenings), lots of cat cuddlage (thoroughly recommend Russian Blues for this, but go with your favoured person of fur), going for long walks and listening to audiobooks whilst I commute/clean/have to do some other energy sapping chore all help. Remembering these things take a long time to recover from is also important.

Once you get yourself back to a more recovered state, you definitely need to make sure you are working on your resilience.  That involves a combination of physical and mental health improvements - lots of books around on this.

Shut up Rumpole.

You are a weird gimp.

She said she has a ‘much nicer person’ when he gets back from his holiday. 

I would also like to marry londonhead. 
 

eskimo that’s pretty stressful being told not to visit sil for the reasons mentioned. Talk about kicking a woman when she’s down. 
 

I am extremely stressed at the mo with various factors at play so you have my sympathy. I would say find the people you find fun and sympathetic to spend time with and lean on them and do some nice stuff with them, walks, swims. 

Sad to see no male poster ask if he's a decent partner to her There's just a celebration of the idea that she do yet more for him, 

This male poster would love to have a partner or sibling so that he didn't have to deal with all the crap from his parents on his own all the time.

Failed please think about looking into paying to see a sleep specialist and starting CBT specifically for sleep disorders. I don't know if you're a woman, but sleep problems are mostly experienced by women (because of complex sexed bodies and sexed experiences like menstruation), and mostly underreported.

Lots of research into sleep problems suggesting potential for there to be links to serious and fatal adverse health outcomes, and sleep problems can have catastrophic consequences for attention and alertness (necessary for day-to-day safety). Please do not wait to seek help. Sleep is essential for whole body health.

Per what I posted above to the OP, whole lifestyle changes will be necessary. There's no 15 min per day and business as usual fix.

I am very much looking forward to a couple

of solid weeks off without having to think about stuff before starting my new job later this year. 

I have had this feeling in the past few days. I can’t do an intense workaholic ball and chain electronic devices type job anymore. I need to run, swim surf, see a good film, cook good food. Then I am able to work. Just told someone exactly what I thought of their third rate management skills. Not sure if it was them or me but yes I am probably burnt out and in reading this see it’s not just me. Some music to be faced tomorrow… 

Good luck

Thank you 

Haha, where are you going to surf elephant?

I’d paddle out with you!

I am going to France with girlfriend next month because she has a conference in Paris but then we’re going to Hossegor. Other than that I’m westcountry based.

Reading this post has made me realise that I've forgotten what it's like not to be stressed. The things I enjoyed doing before the stress began just don't work anymore. Onwards ...

Man up

I've been manning up for the last 9+ years. I am just about done. There's only so much manning up that one can do.

Onwards and sideways.

Really hoping I've got the winning Euromillions ticket this week.  Might even share the winnings with the most stressed fellow Rogers.

I am a particularly stressed Roger.

I'll need proof of your change of name.

Hey Mugen that’s a really kind offer! I will have to focus on that to improve my skills, something I will enjoy doing and perhaps next year! I wanted to try this place in France all of which will address burn out imo.

Hôtel des Frères Ibarboure near Bidart/Biarritz 

https://freresibarboure.com/fr

3km run is good. Keep nice manageable sport. No need to go crazy or that will add to stress. Maybe cut down on the social activities and do some watching tv. Unless the social activities de stress you. 
there is a lot of good advice here. Family sounds a bit nuts. 

That place looks good. Showed it to gf and said maybe we could stay there a night and she said ‘can do mate’ so thanks for that.

I don’t tend to stay in nice places really on surf trips but it’s difficult with a lady.

Id be happy sleeping on the beach half the time but they tend to like a bit more comfort….

How are your skills now? I have been roped into teaching girlfriend’s family friend’s sons surfing now so will have some practice in teaching it. The problem is I don’t actually remember learning because my dad taught me when I was really young

You can review it for us! No i don’t stay in expensive places usually. However that place is actually quite good value. I have found a good teacher in Cornwall so will be back there soon. Sooner than I thought maybe… Just going for a run. Good advice! 

Elephant, Gwen- hope you're both okay too and interesting to see this has resonated.

Wuhan- don't hope you're okay.