My sister was a primary school teacher of this age group.. she needed another adult to accompany them on a school field trip so the most responsible person she could find was my brother.. during the trip he told them this joke
"what's the last thing to enter a fly's mind when he hits a windscreen? His arse".. kids loved it, told their parents... there were many complaints..
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Solar powered torches
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What should you do if you see a spaceman?
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Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasnt peeling well.
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What's the difference between jam and marmalade?
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whats the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic Priest
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More seriously: why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!
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My sister was a primary school teacher of this age group.. she needed another adult to accompany them on a school field trip so the most responsible person she could find was my brother.. during the trip he told them this joke
"what's the last thing to enter a fly's mind when he hits a windscreen? His arse".. kids loved it, told their parents... there were many complaints..
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Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing
Did you hear about the magic cow? He walked down the road and turned into a field
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes
What made the crab angry? The sea weed
How many Cork men does it take to bake a chocolate cake? 21, 1 to make the cake and 20 to peel the smarties.
What do you call a Cork man who goes to Limerick on his holidays? A thrill seeker
A man goes into the doctor with a steering wheel sticking out of his trousers, "What's that?" asks the Dr, "I dunno but it's driving me nuts"
2 cows standing in a field and one says "I'm really worried about this mad cow disease", "I'm not" says his friend, "I'm a squirrel"
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anything that mentions poo, wee, bums, or farts
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What goes "Ha, ha, ha...bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
You said it!
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What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wonkey.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fssshhh...
What's the best thing about sex with twen....actually, never mind
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Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To show his friends he had guts.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side
Why did the pervert cross the road? his dick was in the chicken.
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What goes: “black, white, black, white, black …etc”? (speeding up)
A nun rolling down a hill
What’s black and white and laughs
The nun who pushed her
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What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
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Two crisps on the pavement and a car pulls up and the driver says ‘do you two need a lift?’ amd one replies ‘no thanks, we’re walkers’.
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How do you confuse a Cork man? Put three shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick
A Cork man and a Dubliner fall off a cliff, which one hits the ground first? Who cares as long as they're both killed.
What does Diana stand for? Died In A Nasty Accident. (too soon?)
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A real cork man would float surely.
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Wouldn't a six-year-old be like "Who's Diana?'
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She's this little Russian girl on You Tube.
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Finally a thread worthy of my talents
What's brown and sticky? A stick
What's orange and smells like blue paint? Orange paint
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
What wobbles and flies through the air? A Jellycopter
I have many many more
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How do you make an astronaut go to sleep?
Rock-it.
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Why do seagulls hang out by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels.
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Genuinely from my late-70s, Oxfam approved joke book:
What is yellow, has 22 legs, and goes crunch?
The Chinese football team eating crisps.
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What goes
(!)
(!)
(!)
(!)
{o)
(!)
(!)
(!)
(!)
(o}
(!)
(!)
(!)
(!)
{o)
(!)
(!)
(!)
(!)
(o}
Katarina Johnson-Thompson's ladyparts during the 100m hurdles.
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Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow!
Interrupting C... MOOOOO!
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Man: Doctor, Doctor - I feel like a pair of Curtains
Doctor: It's your right to identify as you choose.
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in the trenches, the Germans figured that all Frenchmen were called Louis so one day the shouted across "Hey Louis!"
A Frenchman pops up and says "Oui?" boom.. dead
Several minutes later, "Hey Louis!"
another pops up "Oui?" boom.. dead
After quite the massacre the French got together and figured all Germans are called Hans so they'd use the same tactic.
"Hey Hans!"
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no reply,
"HEY HANS!"
"Is that you Louis?"
"Oui", boom....
(abridged)
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Man: Doctor, Doctor - I can't stop wrapping myself in cling-film
Doctor: Well, I can clearly see your nuts.
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I'm not saying Wales is confusing but I've driven through a lot of places called Dangergoslow.
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What do you call a dog by the fire?
A hot dog
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Loving the detail of the alternating leading legs there, Buzz…
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Well there are different styles of hurdling and I have to admit I didn't check to see how KJ-T runs.
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Knock knock
Who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, YOU’RE A POO
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I lolled at bento's poo joke
My ten year old was too savvy
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What’s round, green and goes camping?
A boy sprout.
(Or my then-6 year old’s punchline - A Brussels Scout)
The ‘Europe’ knock-knock joke was a big hit in our house.
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Thanks all!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs, but being mounted by a stag? Still no fvcking idea.
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More for 7 year olds, that last one.
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What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his bum.
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Maybe wait till they are 8 for that one.
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What is the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?
One shoots but can't hit etc.
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