John McCririck

So farewell, then, John McCririck.

Just watching you made me weary.

Jangle, jangle, jewellery, watches

tiepins, watch chains, skin in blotches.

Hairy, fatty, sexist lout. 

Domineering layabout. 

We tolerate weirdos like Jimmy Savile

Pretending shock when the judge bangs the gavel.

But everyone knew you weren't quite right

Long before your Big Brother fight.

Shouting, pistol fingers like a rapper

with pince nez, tweed hat, sideburns - mmm, dapper.

Six ringed fingers around a giant stoogie

Jabbing at your wife and calling her "the Boobie".

What the fook was anybody thinking?

This is what you get from overdrinking.

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God, I met "Statto" once in the clubhouse at Muirfield. Incredibly rude man, he sat there with earplugs in the whole way through lunch, listening to some obscure sporting contest. You'd never guess he was an Old Amplefordian.

So good bye John McCririck

Arguably a bit of a d1ck

You were unique no one would deny

Only watchable when high

It's time to rest now, you and your strange hat

And your copious amounts of body fat

Respect is owed to all who are now dead

I heard a wise person once said

but not for you John McCririck

You were just a bit of a pr1ck*

 

* I don't mean any of this our Lord Jesus in heaven. I respect all of the dead. Please don't think that this post in any way means you can make me pay for my disrespect, and allow an "accident" to happen to me. Safe yeh.