Bit bloated, I made too much scampi and chips.  Still no room for dessert.

Uh oh... 

Yeah I also feel a bit plump

But as lady p intuits maybe this will be useful for getting me through lean times ahead

Bit of a cough, high fever, very shouty and obnoxious.

I'm worried about the plague interfering with my plans. 

Quite end of days 

it's soothing 

If I don't currently have it I am going to just plough on with stuff

It is quite, linda

I'm not worried about getting it because I'm not a weakling. But I don't want to get stuck somewhere. 

Football hooligans are keening in the street outside

I don't reckon that Dr looked weak TBF he had six times my can do spirit

I'm really anoyed at the Chinese for causing all this to be honest.  And for being loud.

Went to a meeting where people bumped elbows "like the French do".  Depressing. Hopefully they die first. 

Wtf when did the French start doing that

Can we JUST say hi and have done with it

I'm not bumping elbows with anyone wtf 

Or ni hao or whatever

Went to a meeting where people bumped uglies. Was fun.

And we will all go together when we go
What a comforting fact that is to know
Universal bereavement
An inspiring achievement
Yes, we all will go together when we go

Confirmed case in City now

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.ft.com/content/599ae600-5d90-11ea-b0ab-339c2307bcd4

Yeah here it COMES

I didn't know the full lyrics to that

Bristol got its first case yesterday. We're ahead of the curve 

what linda said re elbows 

saying hello will suffice 

I feel ok. 

When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner o'
Later those you love will do the same for you
And you may have thought it tragic
Not to mention other adjec-
Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do
(But don't you worry.)
No more ashes, no more sackcloth
And an armband made of black cloth
Will some day never more adorn a sleeve
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too
There'll be nobody left behind to grieve

And we will all go together when we go
What a comforting fact that is to know
Universal bereavement
An inspiring achievement
Yes, we all will go together when we go

We will all go together when we go
All suffuse with an incandescent glow
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance
Lloyd's of London will be loaded when they go

Oh we will all fry together when we fry
We'll be french fried potatoes by and by
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry

Down by the old maelstrom
There'll be a storm before the calm

And we will all bake together when we bake
There'll be nobody present at the wake
With complete participation
In that grand incineration
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak

Oh we will all char together when we char
And let there be no moaning of the bar
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that I.C.B.M.
And the party will be "come-as-you-are."

Oh we will all burn together when we burn
There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn
When it's time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out
We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas
Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dolla's

And we will all go together when we go
Ev'ry Hottenhot an' ev'ry Eskimo
When the air becomes uranious
And we will all go simultaneous
Yes we all will go together
When we all go together
Yes, we all will go together when we go

Was out tonight for client dinner and the resto (Langan's) was 1/4 full. Businesses are really suffering. Which is a shame as the full panic is 2 weeks away. 

Even an imaginary hat doff while all this TOUCHING

Right well if it's not Corona it's still something really unpleasant

That BLOODY Milan visiting trainee

Northern Italian. 

u r dedz

Yaaaay

*jigs to the dancehall music of hoolz *

Dead or not, you'll always have tecco. 

:-|

Stupid sexy corpse. 

In the unlikely event I need to meet anyone, I’m doing the namaste thing.

But I’ve already cancelled my cleaner and housekeeper, a party and asked two friends to do a rain check on lunch.  So it’s me and Jasper and no one else.

Btw, if anyone fancies coming and unloading the dishwasher and doing a bit of cleaning I’ll guarantee you a spot in my volcano Bond villain style fortress of no viruses.

What can I say JM, I like it when they lie there real still.

Then what's the point of cancelling the cleaner??

Ok I sneezed I think that's a good sign

The elbow thing is not a thing. They are being daft because of the China thread. 

People do seem to be avoiding la bise and handshakes at the moment though. 

My client is off to the Seychelles for 3 weeks as apparently the virus doesn't survive above 27°c.

Clergs - I’m not her only client, she works in all sorts of places including a couple of old people’s homes.

good plan actually 

According to him it's "very reasonable". 

He's flying his family first class at a cost of £23k. 

There's a good chance I would have tried to explain the elbow thing in a meeting tomorrow people SHOULD NOT JOKE about things like that.

Dumb plan.

It is 27 degrees in Singapore *right now* and they have 108 cases.

3 weeks isn’t long enough. 3 months might be better

It fooking happened. 

My reply was "they eat snails. Exercise some discretion". 

And Anna - no fooking comments ok? I enjoyed my stereotypes. 

If warm weather stops it how come Australia and Brazil have it?

When your clients utter fooking nonsense as fact u smile and agree. Rule 1. 

Heh

They have it Clergham but the theory is that it will slow the spread. Not sure about that as I think Iran is quite toasty 

That said, I did an elbow bump and, well, it wasn't bad...

I can smell toast 

not burned tho. I'll be ok right?

It's cold in winter I think

I think fresh toast is just a friendly ghost

I think fresh toast is just a friendly ghost

Tehran only about 15-17 high. I was surprised to learn.

Surprised it's even that warm it gets frosty

Like Casper! Hurrah 

🍞👻

Oh life 

Ohhh life

So I just gave the missus an elbow bump. For reasons unknown about 2 weeks ago we had a serious handshake experiment so this was a good follow on. 

At the handshake thing she said "fookme you're a weird aunt". 

On the elbow bumping she said "Christ, what the fook happened to you. Have you a brain injury or something?"

So there you have it. 

Heh @ Mrs jelly

Jelly are you John Richardson?

Do kids know about Casper these days? Did they do a reboot like every single other intellectual property from the 80s and 90s

Jelly, show her this bad boy.

For roffers of a certain vintage, it seems LA’s time may finally have come....

https://news.sky.com/video/coronavirus-wuhan-shake-how-to-greet-people-…

I have a cough, and the sneezes. Just normal weather change cold

a colleague at works assures me that rain actually stops the spread of corona so the north should be fine.

I thought we were meant to foot tap rather than shake hands/kiss/elbow weirdness

‘🍞👻

Oh life 

Ohhh life’
 

*Gareth goes past in sidecar*

a colleague at works assures me that rain actually stops the spread of corona so the north should be fine.

Oh thank God for that

As I happens I am not John Richardson but the wife is a fan. There is hope. For what, I am unsure. 

Right 7am flight beckons. Nite all. 

Night Jelly. And sorry for ruining the elbow thing heh. 

This rain thing is excellent news!

Re Caspar I believe he has been somewhat rebooted but maybe only to a 90s extent?

Hmm but I just blow dried my hair nicely and now I can't decide whether I want the rain to wash away the virus or my hair to be nice. 

Also I have a tickly cough. 

Um, the rain thing really isn’t a thing, y’all know that right?

Like the elbow thing right? 

The elbow thing might catch on tbf. My husband's colleagues are now doing fist bumps because it's apparently more hygienic than handshakes. 

Well given they are all filthy french soap dodgers it’s no surprise. #justafactualobservation

Um, the rain thing really isn’t a thing, y’all know that right?

WHAT

I have a slightly sore throat. But a skool sporting event this weekend far away from home has been cancelled as was being held at a boarding skool so hooray, a free weekend. One child’s skool is doing elbow bumps instead of handshake at the end of the day.

Scuse me but what kind of weird fooking school has the sprogs going round Shaking people's hands like a load of William pitts

I was wondering that a bit too

In other news I narrowly avoided stepping in a HYOOOGE dog poo this morning.  I now plan to spend my time on the train fake sneezing to freak people out. 

#winning@life

#fckoffouttamypersonalspacebitches

<small voice> the children shake their teachers hand to say goodbye at my kids school too 

GROSS!!

He must be sick fully all the time. Or immune to everything.

I’ve had a sore throat for 7 weeks. Bored of it. But not the dreaded corona. 

chiclet’s nursery has sent a note home saying they aren’t doing hugs at the front door, instead they’re doing a namaste greeting #westlondon

am going to nyc this weekend to see my BIL. will take a call on Thursday but don’t see any reason not to go as of now. Am fully expecting to be upgraded given how many cancellations there have been on flights; the question is if this is good or bad (good - fewer plebs in close proximity to catch it from on the plane, bad - more exposure to the metropolitan elite/citizens of nowhere who are more likely to have been travelling through diseased hotspots) 

in short, tuglite 

Heh!!@namaste

Although why the eff can't we phase out touching. If plague is what it takes to achieve that is worth it.

A friend of mine whose kids go to a montessori primary in north london told me they have introduced something called the “Thai wai”. The best. 

I think that sounds better although possibly problematic 

<small voice> My girls’ school too. Only from the age of 4 mind, the three year old isn’t expected to do so yet. 

My wife did want to email the school about it but I’ve discouraged her on the basis she is getting a bit mental about this. 

this is fooked up tbh

It's funny, there has been no edict about it but people have just stopped shaking hands overnight here. I see this as a positive development tbh.