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Feeling melancholy

Have been feeling strangely flat and down the last few weeks. Meaning of life and all that jazz.

This week I reconnected with an old uni pal I had not heard from for several years and we had a very nice catch up (albeit by phone). She said a number of things about me and who I am which felt like she knew me better than I have known myself recently. A lot of it resonated as I have been musing away recently on similar things...i.e. I've feel like I have lost myself a bit in the last few years...

Have you gone through similar patches and what do you do? 

Do you feel that you are still fundamentally the same person as you were at university? Or maybe this has reminded you that life has shifted beneath your feet and you haven’t stopped to take in the view along the way. 
Occasionally life can feel in flux. It’s usually because we have been focused on one or two things only and have ignored others.  

It's more that in the last 3-4 years I have lived a much more conventional life - work, sleep, work, sleep etc that, at some level, I know doesn't make me happy even though the job is well paid and I like my colleagues. So I've felt like I was just plodding along aimlessly.

On one hand, I have it all - own home, happy relationship, affluence (albeit all this kind of all happened more or less by accident rather than by true purpose)

On the other, I have recently been wondering about purpose recently. Pal saying I was never the conventional type and never had real interest in careers or money etc resonated with me... along with reminding me of certain of my personality traits I have been ignoring e.g. creative

 

From 0-15, we play and have fun

From 15 to 25, we learn and shape ourselves

From 25 to 40 we relentlessly chase career progression 

From 40 to 65 we plod

Then we decline, lose relevance and die. 

 

Sorry bout that. 

Explore and find your creative outlet(s), and pursue it/them passionately.

Do not take Jelly's script for the drone masses as read. You can do anything you want with your life. And that doesn't change whether you've hit 30, 40, 50 or whatever. 

 

 

Life has no meaning. You're just a baldy monkey. Enjoy the bananas and w**king and throwing poo at rival tribes while u can. Then depart safe in the knowledge that you were all you could ever be and no one will remember you by the next century.

Someone may well remember you (or at least the product of your life) if you write a script to a brilliant independent film, or publish a beautiful poem, or take a catalogue of exquisite photos. And even if a person does not "remember" you directly, those small contributions may be part of the inspiration for others to do similar in the near future - and will all help to build (incrementally, but surely) the mountain of incredible beauty produced by the human race, as something of a counter-balance to the harm and destruction we have collectively wrought. 

I know the names of several awesome photographers and own some of their photos.

You could try feeding a melon to a collie instead of just feeling melancholy.

Someone may well remember you (or at least the product of your life) if you write a script to a brilliant independent film, or [some other dross...]

Why an independent film specifically?

- Hey. Do you remember Avengers: Endgame?

- Nah. But how about that arthouse French-Ghanaian think-piece written by the lawyer!

Lol, it was intended to be addressing the point that it needn’t turn into some big blockbuster to make writing it worthwhile - not to suggest that writing a blockbuster wouldn’t be worthwhile. But heh all the same. 

October is hands down the shittest time of the year. 

This happens to me every year. Best way I’ve found to counter it is exercise. Go for really long runs/cycle rides. Get lots of sunlight and endorphins to try and keep it at bay.

Just need to battle past October (we’re over halfway) and then struggle through November and it’ll nearly be Christmas and after that the days get longer and things start seeming positive once more.

I like October - trees are beautiful, weather ok. November/December - winter weather a bit of a novelty, cranking up to Christmas. Jan/Feb on the other hand - bleak. Even March. 
difficult and interminable family stuff making me proper melancholy at the moment. I would like to be more content with the inevitable suffering and meaningless of life at the micro level but at the moment….. and on the macro level all the war, climate unpredictability, nature decline.😁

There are lovely warm parts of Spain for the winter dux. I can’t think of any major change to our relations with Europe in the psst few years that a load of total fvkcing morons who post on this website voted for that would have changed that, can you?

I agree with Coracle. When the days get shorter/ it gets colder suddenly it always feels such a shock. Then it's dark and miserable for weeks until the Xmas rundown. Maybe it's an element of SAD that a lot of us have without realising. I find Nov the hardest month of the year and don't get the horror of Jan that loads of people have - it's new starts, new plans, longer days and  looking forward again.

Things that help me - walks when the weather is good - sun shining, wind blowng leaves cunching underfoor - helps me embrace autumn properly.

Exercise outside even if it's freezing.

Good wholesome food. Winter comfort food is awesome.

Get some fun things in the diary with friends so there's things to look forward too.

Embrace whatever your treat is - wine, chocolate, whatever - just don't deny yourself everything if you're struggling. Everyone will be dieting in Jan so it's easier to deny yourselves things then!!

Interesting topic to mull over on a rainy Thursday night.  At times I feel melancholy about the past, every so often about the future, but seldom the present.  I am very much fundamentally the same person I was at uni, with many of the same flaws I suppose, but in many respects better - much more experienced, confident, capable and dedicated.  Despite having seen plenty of both, I still shout with unbridled excitement when a marlin appears from nowhere and crashes a lure, thrill to the very core of my soul at the sight of a falcon stooping through the sky like a meteor.  But my lazy uni self would never have dreamed of getting up an hour before sunrise in June in order to get to the river before the peregrines began to hunt, nor had the patience to endure hours of inactivity when they didn't; would never have felt able to drive a boat around the ocean looking for marlin, or had the composure, that only comes with experience, to handle what happens (including managing the team of two or three people that is needed for that kind of sportfishing) when the fish you're looking for is hooked and speeding away like a jetski driven at full throttle.  

I have been worked hard at times, have sometimes felt submerged by, but never really felt lost in work. I have always known what I like (really, need) to do, and therefore have never lacked purpose.  My main regret is that for far too long I failed to realize just how that purpose was in direct conflict with the practicalities of earning a decent living.  

ROF - who needs therapy eh?  
 

You have to suck it up to earn a living — you won’t enjoy it all/ much/at all

 

but if you’ve held a career together for 30 or 50 years, supporting family or others around you you’re a feckin hero in my eyes

get some satisfaction from that knowledge, then do more of what you really want when you retire 

Pez what's that purpose?

I've never found work particularly interesting. I do it because i have to. I try to do reasonably well and I've done OK. But I chuckle when I see job posts about high quality work or clients. Law is such a soul crushing existence 

I just bought a 200 quid Greenpan slow cooker and then ordered some osso buco and toulouse sausages off Fine and Wild and I am going to make the most amazing stew with lardons, onions, garlic, fresh stock.  I am very excited.  Then tomorrow night, weather permitting, I will watch the rugby and probably go to the swingers club.  Other than that my existence is not dissimilar to yours Cuy Cuy though it sounds like a boss work a bit more.  But you have to make a conscious effort to add in some excitement.

There are a number of ways to get out of the funk.

Set yourself a daily goal to learn something new or do an activity that scares you.  You don't have to go skydiving to achieve that last one, just something out of your comfort zone.

Start training for a marathon and raise some money for charity

Join a dance class or something so random your friends will think it's out of character and quite amusing

Book some flying lessons, they're expensive but fun

Listen to some new music, louder the better

Go sit in a park and say hello to strangers as they pass (I do this every now and then and am always surprised at how well people react)

Sounds quite hollow 

The majority of people who I meet who are fundamentally happy are happy because they are content 

They are not chasing things but have settled families, finances, health etc 

That's the key to happiness 

It sounds boring though Davos, which is what he was saying.  That may be enough to make a lot of people content, but doesn't necessarily keep their motivation up.  And people you conclude are fundamentally happy may not be so.  

Davos my chasing days are over as I've achieved all that - financial stability etc 

I guess the issue is that, once you no longer have to chase, you have time to think 

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