Biggest disappointment of your life 9to date)

What was the biggest disappointment of your lives?

I will give you concessions: One can give (a) and (b) if one is not sure. There is no (c).

1. Personal

2. Professional

3. Political

4. Educational

5. Sports

6. The Lost Love. 

7. Murder

1. Personal - my love life

2. Professional - not getting the Kings job

3. Political - Clegg introducing student fees

4. Educational - my land law exam

5. Sports - being dropped by county netball at 13

6. The Lost Love - the swede

7. Murder - I enjoy them all

1. Personal - my marriage 

2. Professional - nah I'm ok tbh 

3. Political - Brexit.  It genuinely saddens me 

4. Educational - I'm ok with what I did tbh 

5. Sports - have never been sporty 

6. The Lost Love - nope don't have one 

7. Murder - I've never tried this but I'm sure I'd be good at it 

1. Personal - poor relationship with father for most of my life, all that time wasted.

2. Professional - Dealing with stress poorly in an instance when I should have been supporting junior members of the team.

3. Political - the death of the centre ground (including brexit)

4. Educational - lazy / failing to do the best with the opportunity I had

5. Sports - once went for 40 in an over.

6. The Lost Love. Best not to dwell on these things yet.

7. Murder - nil return. 

Wot Porpoise said. Learn and move on.

This thread will descend into a tearjerk/woe is me circlejerk from about post 18 onwards.


Reni leaving the Stone Roses and the 2006 League 2 play off final. That's it really. 

6. Chicken boy does not even make the top three for this category. In your face chicken boy! And in your chickens faces!

Star Trek: Discovery, Arrow seasons 6 - 8, The Flash season 3 onwards, Legends of tomorrow in general, the finale of Grimm, Constantine being cancelled. 

some of the PS4 games I bought were really disappointing. Alien Isolation, sunless sea.


The best people dwell (am surprised you're not a dweller, pp):

1. Personal - never really found my emotional place in the world. Maybe the "phew" moment others seem to have is an illusion but I don't think always. I'm less scared now than I was at 21 but not unscared.

2. Professional - I am the same level as several total and genuine morons. I have completely failed to convert any raw ability into professional success. It is embarrassing.

3. Political - as above, the end of centrism. How taf is centrist an insult now.

4. Educational - also as above, lazy coasting fucker.

5. Sports - I do regret sports, yes.

6. The Lost Love - hm I am usually quite good at just being repulsed as soon as things conclude. And I do believe what's for you will not go by you, on the whole. 

7. Murder - don't understand this.

Personal - Was a bit disappointing to go bald in mid 20's, but not bothered any more.

Professional - Legal Aid cuts I guess but I would have left law anyway

Political - a) Iraq, b) Brexit

Educational - I'm OK with that

Sports - Injuries are disappointing

Lost love - was really for the best

Murder - not sure I understand this one. Who do I wish I had killed? No one.

1. Personal - marrying someone who was a complete Khunt against the advice of friends and family.  It took me a couple of years to realise and get out.  Thank fuck we didn't have kids.  

2. Professional - spending several years of my life qualifying with high hopes of doing wonderful things.  Should have joined a decent grad scheme - would probably be earning more with less stress and a better work / life balance.  

3.  Political - Cameron calling the referendum.  It didn't need to happen and was totally a mechanism to try and kill off the Eurosceptic wing of the Conservative Party.  

4.  Educational - degree, masters degree, qualification - happy with that.

5. Sports - blowing a decent chunk of money in order to follow England to the World Cup in South Africa about 10 years ago.  Shit it was nearly 10 years ago!  The country was amazing and there were some epic pissups, but the football was appalling.

6.  The Lost Love - Don't have one.  I tend not to dwell on past relationships.  There is a very nice girl I went through uni with who I still chat to and occasionally meet for dinner.  I pushed it last year with the suggestion we go away for a weekend break together.  She agreed, at which point I started having some very naughty thoughts.  She eventually found a reason not go go a the last minute.  

7. Murder - amazingly, nil return.  I did 2 years as a cop and made it to a lot of dead bodies, several of which were suicides.  Hangings were often the worst - I will never forget the first time I cut someone down and 'bagged them up'.    


Why were they the worst? I mean surely at least they're fairly self contained? I guess it's quite jarring. 

I think rtas would bother me most. Heads in fields sort of thing.

A lot of the time they will do it at home or in their back garden or something.  So you have the added issue of dealing with an extremely distress partner / family members whilst you are also dealing with the deceased.  

RTCs can be gruesome, but the family aren't usually at the scene and you can tell them slow-time.  

a howling gale the entire time I was at Cayo Levisa.

And I've gone for the wrong thing off many menus. Tant pis.


"I'm..... afraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid...... thaaaaaaat.... theeeeeeeeere...... haaaaaaaaaaas..... beeeeeeeeeeeeeen.... *yaaaaaaaaawn* ... wheeeeeeeeeeeere..... waaaaaaaaaas........ i? ... oooooooh, yeeeeeeees...... theeeeeeeeere...... haaaaaaaaaaas..... beeeeeeeeeeeeeen.... annnnnnnnnnnnn.... aaaaaaaaaaacccccccideeeeeeeeeeenttttt...."

Gotta be honest, can't see how that would help, unless you were, like miming running really slowly while you did it. Even then, can't see the family seeing the funny side. Still, different strokes and all that. 
Wait... or did you video it, then play it back fast, so it went at normal speed?

1. Personal

not really - it got me where I am today

2. Professional

shouldn't have gone to ey back in the day.

3. Political

May 1997

4. Educational

n/a. probably could have got better grades but to be honest for the minimal work involved they were pretty stellar.

5. Sports


6. The Lost Love. 

not really. there's a couple of what-ifs but they were never going to work.

7. Murder

not yet.

I also think an rta seems worse because it comes out of nowhere and takes people in the midst of living. If you make a choice to die at least it was your choice. 

Conceded that's all very well when you're not staring down the purple corpse.

1. Personal - Being abused as a kid

2. Professional - rejecting moving from contract to permanent job on principle (exploitative T&Cs) but then bottling it like a wuss and begging for another chance, which was not given. 

3. Political - Brexit in UK, moving to MMP electoral system in NZ

4. Educational - not properly proof-reading my masters thesis.  Now I can't read it without massive cringe, and horror that I inflicted it on my supervisor

5. Sports - ABs being beaten by France in the world cup.  Twice.

6. The Lost Love. - My last and final girlfriend, the heiress.  Age/class/race gap was always too big to overcome but gosh I do miss her.

7. Murder - No thank God, almost got sent to the Gulf in 1990, now realise if I killed someone I'd never properly get over it.  Suspect that's a big part of Harry's problems. 

Suspect Harry doesn’t give a fuck about the people he killed whilst playing in an overgrown video game that is an Apache.

He was apparently in charge of weapons in two man flight team on Apaches, but I also remember seeing something about him being on the ground. Long time ago and I don't really follow the Royals so can't remember.

fuck knows. don’t cry over spilt milk. learn and move on ...

Yeah I have a vague memory of him being involved in some capacity on the ground out of Bastion but I can’t imagine he was anywhere near anything especially dangerous.

As an apache pilot he most definitely would have been able to deploy hellfire etc and I think that is why he retrained because it was the only chance he had to see combat (given that it’s not like the relatively small arms weapon capacity of the taliban couldn’t really do anything to an apache).

Suspect he spent a bunch of time machine gunning blokes in dishdash and that was sufficient to satiate his thirst for combat.

Imagine being offed by prince fucking Harry how undignified

He will have killed scores of people as an apache gunner, and you only have to have a look at the videos on U-tube to see the detail they see of people getting blown to pieces by anti-tank chain-gun rounds.  Its vicious.  He may well not have given a fuck, obviously especially at the time, but he comes across to me as a pretty gentile highly sensitive guy who just wants to be loved, has PTSD and all sort of issues from what happened to his mum when he was a wee kid, and is therefore massively more susceptible to further PTSD/mental health problems has his killing years come back to haunt him.  PTSD is often a killer because you don't realise you're sick or that whatever caused it had any effect whatsoever, when in fact its subtly but fundamentally affecting (and destroying) everything in your life.     

If he minded surely he wouldn't still fawn over all the military stuff? Don't imagine he's had much call to humanise the norms.

He did a very brief tour as a vehicle commander/forward air controller with the Blues & Royals (armoured recon) but the press spilled the beans so it was too dangerous to let him stay.  He retrained as a pilot like his brother, was obviously too shit at it to be trusted, so they let him be an apache gunner.  He did two tours (4 & 5 months) in Afghanistan   

 I dimly remember the coverage about was he endangering other guys in the camps. 

Oooh I love these:

1. Personal - Boarding school and subsequent relationship (or lack of) with my family ever since. 

2. Professional - Following a charismatic but stupid CEO of an oil company. 

3. Political - as said above, destabilisation of middle east and the resultant collapse of centrist politics in the west

4. Educational - lack of good guidance during my university days

5. Sports - bowling that medium pace over and three deliveries in having to switch to spin bowling infront of the whole school. I was college prefect!! The Shame!!

6. The Lost Love. - the Turkish girl

7. Murder - None (for not committing any). 

I’m pretty sure that’s not true.

Seems a pretty straight up and down heterosexual chap to me.

Do you think the middle East caused the collapse of centrism?? I do not.

Do you think the middle East caused the collapse of centrism?? I do not. - Not in that direct sense that my statement makes it sound like but it is all part of the butterfly effect. Remember all the refugees marching through Europe? The business of War and its affects on ordinary americans etc. It explains why despite all his bravado Trump does not actually engage in any wars. His base hates it. It is the same base that supported Bush all the way into Iraq and Afghanistan. 


1. Personal - spending most of my 30s in and extracting myself from a terrible relationship I should have ended 2 years before I did so. 

2. Professional - becoming a solicitor.  Would not be so bad if I had qualified into a different area, or changed pdq after qualification.   

3. Political - Brexit, President Trump and the rise of populism generally. 

4. Educational - I am fine with my level of attainment (PhD) but should have chosen a different specialism.  Oh the wonders of hindsight. 

5. Sports - England not making the WC final in 2018 was disappointing - will they ever get so close again? 

6. The Lost Love. I currently suffer from unrequited love, so that one. 

7. Murder - I have not murdered anyone.  This is not a disappointment, FAOD. 

Personal - I can't possibly tell you

Professional - got in over my head on a case when I was junior

Political - the fallout from the Brexits

Educational - titted up my A-levels

Sports - GB RL team

Lost love - I loved her, she didn't love me, but then she did, but then it was too late, and I'll always wonder 

Murder - 9/11 was a bad one

Disappointment seems to have morphed into regret. Probably more interesting.

1. Personal: Really crippling procrastination.

2. Professional: Never working in London (for the financial/property ladder side of things)

3. Political: The West's complete and utter lack of any plan for post-Saddam Iraq.  Imagine what could have been done with all of the lives and treasure lost to that quagmire (and the resulting destabilisation of the middle east) ever since.

4. Educational: Being a lazy arse

5. Sports: Worthington sending on Daryl Sutch in the 11th minute of extra time in the 2002 First Div play off final to defend a 1-0 lead.  FFS.

6. The Lost Love: Horse riding.  Family commitments have killed that hobby.

7. Murder: Ran over the neighbour's cat and didn't feel any remorse (death by careless driving).  Does that count?

1. Personal

Can't think of any outside the categories below.

2. Professional

Not having found something I actually enjoy doing. Disappointment in myself, really.

3. Political

Politics doesn't so much surprise me as confirm my worst suspicions. But I'll say the Brexit vote.

4. Educational

Again it's disappointment in myself really - going down an arts rather than a science path, and not having an MA by now.

5. Sports


6. The Lost Love. 

I don't dwell on romantic matters past

7. Murder

Not turning the sat nav off on my fucking Land Rover

Biggest regret?

Whatever it is (which cannot be disclosed to me) in my otherwise interesting but relatively blameless past which led to being refused the security clearance I needed to my new job and fvcking interesting new career.

Kimmy - given that Populism is broadly seen as addressing the concerns of ordinary people versus the social / political elite, why do you see it as a disappointment?  

Is there 'good populism' and 'bad populism'?


Twisty - sorry to hear that.  Assuming you are qualified I presume you were applying to work for a Govt department which required DV?

Have you spent any time in dodgy parts of the world (China / Iran / Russia etc...)?

Have you been involved in anything that could make you susceptible to blackmail (affairs, cross dressing, really dodgy sexual practises)?

Are you balls deep in debt to the point it's possibly unsustainable on the salary that was being offered?

Did you lie to them about anything in the interview?  (They generally don't care what you have done, so long as it's not serious criminality and you are honest about it).  


If the answer to all of the above is no then someone in your family or close circle of friends is bandit to the point they think it would affect your suitability for the job you applied to.  Which sucks because you have absolutely no control over it.  

Who sees populism like that? Anyone with half a brain sees it as a means to manipulate voters to support the elitist and kleptocratic schemes of the kinds of men (they’re almost always men) who in the 1930s would have been fascists.


Could it have been your massive porn collection? Asking for a friend.

Given the character of the British government these days and the kinds of people it has to suck up to, experience making cost with nuclear-armed authoritarians and unabashed gangster capitalists surely belongs on the “key skills” section of the CV for any central government job. NB FYI lawyers the “key skills” section is something people who do real jobs put on their CVs.

Personal - probably my dad and my sister falling out as a result of his awful second wife.

professional - going into business with a snake and wasting a year watching him lie to people.

Political - Boris Johnson is an idiot and should have stayed on HIGNFY

Educational - being told I was brilliant and then subsequently doing very average at multiple different specialisms.

Sports - never surfing in Hawaii (yet)

The lost love - this is the worst. My first ‘serious’ girlfriend and I just didn’t take it ‘seriously’ enough.

Murder- perhaps been an accomplice in a fair few abortions!? F U pro lifers!

Puppy - by populism I mean the extreme right dishonest dogwhistle-type politics that cons people into voting against their own interests.  

Exhibit A: Donald Trump

Exhibit B: Jair Bolsonaro

Exhibit C: Boris Johnson

Puppy - yeah it was DV.

Ultimately I suspect it may have been simply too hard for them to get the level of comfort they wanted.  Seems recruitment wanted someone with life experience, vetting prefers them to be 21, fresh out of uni and still living with mum and dad...

(and Laz - I doubt it but they certainly asked the question several times throughout the process)

Ok fine, maybe I'll play:

1. Personal - My dad being a spineless git and keeping me a secret from a large part of my family including siblings for many many years.

2. Professional - Taking a job in a city firm which took over my life and left me burned out and broken. But then I suppose it got me to where I am now....

3. Political - All things Brexit.

4. Educational - All of it. I wasted most of it through procrastination and not taking it seriously. I should have actually worked and used my oodles of spare time to read more, learn languages and instruments etc etc. I also should have gone to university to study what I wanted, rather than what I was pushed into.

5. Sports - If I really had to think of one resistance training etc etc when I was much younger, rather than just coasting I guess.

6. The Lost Love - the biggest disappointment was probably tied between two of my exes although I can 100% say that I don't regret things not working out one little bit. I think the disappointment was the shortfall between how almost perfect for me I thought they were and some serious fundamental personality flaws that meant it would have been impossible, if that makes any sense. 

7. Murder - I was once driving down an empty dark dual carriageway and two rabbits ran out in front of me. I put my brakes on to avoid them but one was stupid and decided to run back in front of my car by which point I could not correct and went over it with a big thud and cried the whole way home.

1. Personal - crappy relationship with father leading to my feeling that I am alone in the  world, and shouldn't rely on anyone; staying in a terrible marriage for far too long

2. Professional - not getting sooner that having some kind of mentor is waaaay more important than working hard - although given (1) above I am not sure that I would have been able to "groom" one in any event - could've at least saved myself the effort of working like a [email protected]@ard for so long, though

3. Political - descent into populism genuinely troubles me

4. Educational - not getting the All Souls Prize Fellowship (I know - what a khnt)

5. Sports - can't get too bothered by sport - just games, right?

6. The Lost Love - I loved her more than she loved me, then she changed her mind too late and we both had crappy marriages

7. Murder - I have been a late starter, but think that this is where I'll really make my mark

Invictus - totally with you on your 1.  It really is difficult.

As I'm bored


1. Personal - Luckily, nothing to complain about so far

2. Professional - not working harder sooner, meaning narrowed opportunities. Could have chosen a less niche specialism.

3. Political - Brexit, rise of the far right etc

4. Educational - See 2.

5. Sports - No complaints

6. The Lost Love - Chose between her and another girl. I chose wrong. Not the end of the world in the grand scheme.

7. Murder …she wrote was underrated imo.

I am sure I did this last night, but can't see it.

1. Personal - wasting six years of my adult life with a manipulative khunt.

2. Professional - hoping it isn't the move I am about to make.

3. Political - Cameron calling a referendum on Brexit.

4. Educational - coasting through school/uni and not working hard enough resulting in average grades, when adulthood has proved that I am quite capable of working hard enough when I want to.

5. Sports - not continuing to exercise such that I am having to get back into it now at an older age and it is really hard work.

6. The Lost Love - not sure I loved him, but I felt we could have been good together.  Long term, we probably had very different outlooks and it would never have worked.

7. Murder - no, not murdered anyone.  But it comes close on a daily basis on account of my irascible personality.

A lot of people are listing regrets, not disappointments.

A regret is a bad choice you made.

A disappointment is something that you’d hoped would turn out well but didn’t.

Theres clearly an overlap, but there’s also a distance. “I married for mad love, but he turned out to be a tool” is both a regret and a disappointment, but “not spending more time with my kids when they were young” is just a regret.

See mine at 18.22. Tried to stick with the disappointment brief myself and it was not as interesting as others' regrets.

Disappointment and regret are close cousins.  Being "disappointed in yourself" is regret but a form of disappointment.  1, 2, 4 and 6 lend themselves heavily to "regret" answers, unless you only list things that happened to you passively.  

I think it is probably when audi nicked the KITT light back and forth thing for their horrible SUVs' indicators

Personal - death of my Dad 16 years ago (he was only 57, I was 26, my brother and sister were still at uni).

Professional - not managing to get my shit together to make partner, but from where I’m sitting in-house, a lot happier with more time for family, there are worse things in life (see above)

Political - fairly competitive field over the last decade, to be fair; but the triumphalism of libertarian Brexitwankers who are deeply relaxed about recklessly incinerating things that only 3 years ago were moderate Tory positions, let alone reasonably sensible liberal or social democrat positions is particularly grating. That and the cataclysmic implosion of the People’s Vote and failure of centre left to eject the Corbynista zealots and coalesce someone marginally more electable than chlamydia.

Sports - probably getting trousered 5-0 in the Ashes series following less than 18 months after the glorious summer of 2005. 

Lost Love - a couple spring to mind, but they wouldn’t have worked out with either girl so meh but no hard feelings (well, maybe a semi every now and again)

Murder - Incorporated.




coalesce *around* someone

in fairness, re the Ashes series, possibly Steve Harmison’s first ball in that series (the first ball bowled in the series) has to be up there as one of the biggest sporting disappointments of recent history in its own right. 

1. Personal - being too introverted (scared?) to get more shags in at uni. 

2. Professional - taking too long to realise that I am better at my job than most of my peers.

3. Political - not political per se, but the boom of blogs, alternative news sources and the like has not done wonders for political commentary. 

4. Educational - doing a law degree rather than something interesting. 

5. Sports - being a very good all rounder but not excelling at a single sport.

6. The Lost Love - N/A. I married her.

7. Murder - i've killed plenty of mice, but I am not sure that counts as a disappointment. Squeaky little fvckers.

Concentrating on “disappointment” rather than “regret”

  1. Personal – going out with a friend and it all going badly wrong (engaged and unengaged) and thus loosing someone who I really liked having in my life (as a friend),
  2. Professional – (a) I remember all the build up to starting work as a trainee (and the delight and relief at getting a training contract) and coming home after the first day and thinking “oh god is this it”; and (b) failing an arduous army course.
  3. Political – Jeremy Corbyn. How a supposed first world nation could produce an opposition leader like him is beyond me. 
  4. Educational – At the time there was immediate relief I did not get a third, but over time this morphed into disappointment that I did not get a 2/1. It matters not now, but at the time was a bid issue.
  5. Sports – In myself to train harder when I could have had a regular place in the 1st XV and instead of partying and being satisfied with getting in occasionally.
  6. The Lost Love – First girl I kissed when I was 9. Met up with her nearly 4 decades later. She had not aged well at all!!!
  7. Murder – Afghanistan 2010.  

1. Personal: No money. No property of my own (mainly due to #2 and #3). Hence no wine budget also.

2. Professional. A peripatetic career, or non-career. See #4

3. Political. Brexit. This is a land of chavs. A scummy country. Insular. Isolated.

4. Educational. Like Phoebe, f****** Land Law (especially Easements and Covenants and Equitable interests under the LPA 1925 and the other Acts: LRA2002, LP(MP)A 1989); there needs to be total codification and a single legal code; everything at Common Law and Equity before January 1996 needs to be abolished, and everything after that needs to be updated into the new code. Consign Spencer’s Case, Wheeldon v Burrows, Tulk v Moxhay, Rhone v Stephens etc etc etc to history. Future students will be grateful.

I hate Land Law anyway.

Land Law exams have been the bane of my legal life and caused me to attain average overall grades, hence shitty law jobs for little pay.

5. Sports. I wish I’d kept up with rifle shooting; then I could have reached Olympic level. Martial Arts, for fun. Wish I’d kept that up too. Due to #1, had to stop horse-riding.

6. The Lost Love. TMI to say it here. NVTL, she was so cute and my type. Due to #1 (story of my life), how could I have set up home with her?

7. Murder: I’ve thought about it a few times, sometimes just the GBH with intent bit and putting them in a coma, not the grave, but the twats in question are not worth a 30-year stretch. Breaking out of #1 is the best revenge, then I can look down upon them from the saddle on an Irish cob and say they are a See You Next Tuesday to their face, turn about and trot away (see #5).


Obadiah H.

I agree with #4; doing a law degree (two, in fact) is a mistake.

re #7: killed many mice also. That's not a disappointment. Nice to see them crushed in the traps in the morning.

Shot bird life in my youth. The mistake is not keeping up with shooting (targets on the range or wildlife).


re: '#7 Afghanistan 2010' is not a mistake unless you didn't pot or stonk enough Talibs. 

It is mistake if you din't have enough kit that would have saved lives of your mates.

Why are so many people above mentioning political events over which they have no control?! 

eecummings; good question.

It's the futility and seeming inability to be able to undo things