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Stories from Tory party conference

Went with my mate who was a conference newbie. He did a somewhat inadvisable interview with Owen Jones after a rather boozy lunch. He was also propositioned and felt up by a Minister who asked if he’d ever been rimmed - it seems there are still plenty of “Pincher by name” types in government. Anyway he had a great time and is hooked now – says he’ll come every year.

I had nice chats with Dehenna Davison, Georgia Toffolo and  Emily Hewertson (all of whom were trying to convince me I should go back and do series 3 of MAFS next year). Enjoyed some funny conversations with Toby Young and Liam Halligan. Accidentally embarrassed myself by mistaking a government minister for a presenter on GB news. Thought the most impressive politicians I saw speak were Braverman and Cleverly. The protestors were generally good humoured rather than nasty - one of them handed me a “one way ticket to Rwanda”. Eligible single women were very few and far between but I did get a number of one absolute smoke show who works for CCHQ in candidate selection and training, so will see if anything comes of that.

“Anyway he had a great time and is hooked now – says he’ll come every year.”

Even when he’s no longer chancellor?

He was also propositioned and felt up by a Minister who asked if he’d ever been rimmed 

Cool if this was Mordaunt, much less so if it was Cleverly...  

Neither of the above, we chatted to some young Tories about it later and apparently he is pretty prolific.

Did you meet the one in the lgbt group who is clearly in it for the career progression and zero pc gay? (I know I know bi erasure but she bloody isn't)

Eligible single women were very few and far between

 

PAGING JUDO - think of the fine specimens, like the OP, on offer.

Not sure, possibly - I did meet a few LGBT people. Have you been to a party conference before Clergs?

People who haven't been can never seem to grasp how fun it actually is. It's because all they usually see are the boring speeches in large conference halls on the news with lots of old people clapping but that is really such a small part of it.

 

 

Thought the most impressive politicians I saw speak were Braverman and Cleverly.

oof. the sort of damning the tozza leadership with faint praise which can only b achieved by an insider

I struggle to see how hanging around for a few days with either

A - Geriatric backwoodsmen, twin-set and pearls from the shires, or

B - Pushy, gobby politicos and journos 

could ever be described as anything other than hell-on-earth.

Rham - superb description.  But mixed with Freshers' week.  Unless it's the SNP one - attended one of those and by golly it was just the former.  At a technical college. 

Conservatives were always good for many beers and bad dancing and sex.  Labour tended to be many beers, heated debate and sex.

"He was also propositioned and felt up by a Minister who asked if he’d ever been rimmed"

A serving minister? Cabinet or junior?

 

"I had nice chats with Dehenna Davison, Georgia Toffolo and  Emily Hewertson (all of whom were trying to convince me I should go back and do series 3 of MAFS next year)."

How did all three of these people know that you were slated to be on it? Do they all rof?

I'm not going to say which minister, they're not in cabinet.

How did all three of these people know that you were slated to be on it? Do they all rof?

Er no, I spoke to them about it, obviously.

I love talking to journos, they're usually more fun than the MPs.

Oh okay. The topic of MAFS just happened to come up in three separate conversations.

I mean, I can see how you might drop it into conversation with the one who actually is a reality TV personality, but do you literally shoe-horn it into every conversation you have? Or just conversations with eligible members of the opposite sex?

But yeah, as Anna said definitely do it.

Apropos of nothing, is Legal Alien the one who constantly complains that his life is a complete failure and that he can't get a girlfriend?

The lovely girl from CCHQ has agreed to meet me for lunch.... not sure if this is because she thinks I want to be an MP though.

The MAFS thing came up in two convos, Emily Hewertson was with Toff at the time, unlikely friends I'll grant you. 

Dehenna is not a babe, but her politics, position and personality put her a couple of points ahead of where she'd probably ordinarily sit on the scale.

that chap posted by Geoff above is precisely my vision of anyone who chooses to go to the tory party.

He's also obviously still buzzing about the prospect of getting his salad tossed by a parliamentary under secretary of something or other.

I'm looking to my first Labour Party conference next year. 

But will it be all intolerant rainbow woke types? Surely there will be some old skool Trade Union types to have a pint of mild with. 

Enjoyed some funny conversations with Toby Young

no sorry you had me for a moment there but this is too unbelievable la

Yeh king faff has found him. We'd had two bottles of wine at lunch and a couple of pints prior to this.

Do you reckon that I will find a husband at the tory party conference?

When I rejoined, in addition to my membership sub, I bunged a few quid to Greg Hands, maybe I'll get invited to some K&C dos.

Dux, I might be wrong but I don’t think you can just go to the labour conference. You have to be a representative of your clp or union or fraternal society or whatevee

Greg is Chelsea and Fulham, Judo.

I know this because I told him to fook off outside a tube station in 2019.

Judy - being totally honest - yes you would 100% meet someone for anyone female  

The odds are good (but the goods are odd). 

With this being my second conference I noted that while there are quite a few attractive young ladies at these events most of them are either from media, charities or sponsors. Fit Tory women are sadly few and far between. I was having a nice chat with a baroness about this very issue - she was telling me ‘back in the day’ conference was full of lovely young ladies but it gradually changed over time to be how it is now (80-90% blokes). 

I’ve been told it was a fun place in the 80s. I still think it’s better than the Labour conference which must be awful. 
 

Did you attend The Spectator party? That’s meant to be good. 

Judo, watch Owen Jones's interview montage from the conference.  Absolutely 100% of those interviewed are not only unmarried, but have never known the touch of a woman. Fill your boots. 

The Spectator Party is the hardest to infiltrate Kate Andrews couldn’t even get me in. I managed to get into the GB News one. 

"I managed to get into the GB News one"

Just imagine trying and failing to get into a Tory sausagefest and ending up here instead.

Didn't see the hot journo sadly - she was in Brum filming Andrew Neil's show but they weren't set up in the main conference hall.

Of the tories I know, about 60% fall into the category Jellymonster described in his 0829 above.  ~10%, however, can and do shag anything that moves, their own relationship status notwithstanding.  The remainder fall somewhere in between. 

 

 

I do wonder if he should come out and say something. I suspect it must have been one of his parliamentary aides who complained as apparently they looked pretty horrified at what was happening. My mate certainly didn't say anything - apart from to me and some other people the day after, who seemed to know that he was another Chris Pincher type.

Where do you stay? I know the Hyatt is the conference hotel but can mere mortals get rooms there? 
 

What about the parties? Are they invite only or can you just attend? I understand the Speccie party is one of teh best. 

Did Legal Alien get Conor Burns sacked? 

Heh. 

If only Burns had been a magician in an earlier life, this would be true poetic justice. 

Burns "now sits as an independent MP pending a probe"

At least he's got something to look forward to.

If Legal Alien's original post was correct he seems to be more of a giver than a receiver...  

The Hyatt isn't an especially nice hotel Crypto. Not really worth staying there for £350 a night or whatever it costs when conference is on. Anyway it'll be in Manc next year - most people stay at the Radisson though the conference hotel is the Midland - I'll definitely be there.

Presumably it’s ok to convict this bloke in the court of public opinion on the basis of some hearsay evidence? Did he have a blog we can check? 

Cheers, LA.

I’m trying to persuade a m7 to come with me next year. He seems up for it, especially if we can get into the parties. 

Most Tories go to Conference so that they can sleep with someone other than their siblings or first cousins.

Socialists go to Conference to have sex with living persons, not inanimate objects.

Legal Alien. The Minister who propositioned your friend. It wasn't that one who has just been fired?