Cupid stunts 

Roses are red violets are blue

If your marriage is a sham we’ll be onto you

The Home Office (2013) 

For Buzz: 

(because by now it's tradition I post something cringey just for you)

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I want to order pizza

and watch netflix with you

Jim is a handsome

Copper in blue

His quick witted quips

Fill knickers with goo

For tricky:

There was a young man called van Eyck

Who didn’t know what he should like

He’d go out hunting girls 

For to give them some pearls

But he’d end with his thumb in a dyke

got my valentines cards mixed up... now my girlfriend thinks I love her and my wife thinks I want to f/ck her...

For Strutter (nicked off the interwebs)

There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.
He said, “Oh my love,
It fits like a glove.”
Said she, “But you’re not in the right ‘un.”

Very good

For Tricky

There was a Dutch girl who bought flowers

and tried to snare Buzz with her powers

What she'd like very much

Because she is Dutch

Is a day spent having golden showers. 

How dare you!

I don't buy flowers on Valentine. 

I hate being ripped off.

The feisty roffette Judy Carter

Got herself into a terrible lather

When offered some fun

Up the front bum

Replied “there is something else which I’d rather”.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I’d ream out your fvckholes 

But I’ve had quite a few

To you know who:

Roses are red, violets are blue

I've got a knife, get in the van

Not the Fire Engine?

A 'straya based roffette it seems

Has norks which appear in my dreams

I'd go to the ends of the Earth

Or at least down to Perth

To glaze them like two Krispy Kremes.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Everything is shit

never mind KBO

Roses are red, violets are blue

I’d paste said fine boobs just as Bizz says he’d do

For Mutts

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm pretty fed up

What about you?

That made me vom a little in my mouth

Where else would you vom a little bit?

Roses are red

violets are blue

Get in my van!

Yes, Tromb, that means you too.

Rof Royalty will win every thread,

The meatshields are all filled with dread.

The ladies of Rof

Know RR’s not a toff

But a tiger they’d quite like to bed.

Get a room you two.

Prodigal Son was upset

No Roffer had composed for him yet.

I wrote this to show

He’s a friend not a foe

(With the puppet I made for a bet.)

Roses are red

White, pink and the rest

I’ve done a survey

And you were the best

Roses are red

Violets are blue

If you were a ladder

I'd be right up you

There was a young lawyer called Rex 

Whose appendage was too small for sex

When told it was so

He said "Yes I know,

But de minimis non curat lex"

Claimed Laz, "I still get the urge,

but Venus has inflicted her purge;

and try as I  might,

nothing fits tight

and now I'm as miserable as Serge"

Roses are red

Daffodils are amber

You’re my Susie Dent

And I’ll be your Bamber

Roses are red

White, pink and the rest

I’ve done a survey

Can I come on your chest

Cried Pindar from the palace at Thebes,

"All local girls seem to be such dweebs;

so to clear the air,

I admit I just love a good pair

and that's why I so fancy RoF's Pheebs"