Have a listen to Green Day's "Longview", some great ideas in there.

there are no practical suggestions in tha at all!

Start carrying a knife?

(I’m assuming you don’t already carry one for the purposes of this discussion)

Ok, there was a thing we used to do when I was younger, it's called "knockadolly".  

Go knock on your neighbours door and run away

It's very exciting, I'm no sure about practicality though

have you had a w**k yet? 

I suggested that Merkz with the song.. impractical I believe.

Your kyliefan’s husband? Does he know?