I am absolutely sick of being single

there is a man on the internet who asks single ladies what they want from a man - and then tells them the percentage chances of them getting that man.  He then tells them they are not hot enough to beat those odds. 

What are you looking for in a man?

lordgaga17 Nov 23 15:24

Don't get how "femcels" are really a thing tbh

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I guess nobody wants to bum and ugmo of whatever sechs? 

I saw an article that said that basically women are struggling to meet men now, because men have been so scared off by the #metoo movement, they won't approach women.

The percentage of people single below the age of 30 is rising dramatically.

Qualties I seek:

  1. integrity
  2. someone who makes me laugh
  3. someone who enjoys things that I enjoy (travel, books, theatre)

To be fair I think Judy just wants wealthy, soundly right wing and a face that won't actually scare the horses. Which by the standards of modern womankind seems a fairly moderate list of demands. 

Hmmmm, sounds like the Treasurer of the Circus Clown Guild would be an ideal match - ticks all the boxes.

4. someone who, like you, utterly lacks empathy and despises those less fortunate to such and extent that they are still, in 2023, a Tory

They say most women find most men unattractive, so you have a large number of women competing for a small number of men. With dating apps and social media those red-hot men have much greater access to the whole pool of women and can be more selective. 

Judy you say you want

  1. integrity
  2. someone who makes me laugh
  3. someone who enjoys things that I enjoy (travel, books, theatre)

I'm not really sure how you are supposed to use the first one at the pre-dating stage. 

Your third criterion - travel (presumably not to Skeggy) means wealthy, books (presumably not Colleen Rooney's latest autobiography) implies higher education / intellectualism and higher economic status, and theatre which again is linked to education and probably wealth. There is not a huge pool of unmarried men who meet your criteria.

Also you didn't say anything about physical appearance, presumably you have some requirements for height and weight...

I actually did meet a nice chap at one of hte KBFC con club events - quite a big forehead but the family firm is "in defence".

jc - has the K&C tory mixer been already? no likely candidates? (I am parking dubiety about the raw material to be found at such an event for this question)

Love you Madders you always make me chuckle :)

 

Thank you for the empathy OB-ers, it is well hard being a Miss Marplesque spinster!

Hey Judo

Sorry if this makes you unhappy. Singleness and loneliness need not be the same thing but they can feel like that.

One thing I am sure about is that the route to contented unsingleness is via one's own individual soul.  A turbulent soul searching for company is less likely to get lucky than someone who is at peace within. So let peace break out in your mind and effervesce a noxious blend of warmth, self-assurance and kindness and you'll have all the choice in the world. Get steady to get lucky.

Muttley

Omg I fully empathise.

It’s exhausting. You are everything. All decisions stress labour finances. People down play it massively but it’s tough x

Re what mutters said - shit in and shit out. You do have to get your head sorted out to make it all work properly x

Looking at it in fairly mercenary terms.  I find most people that are single against their wishes long term are single because they tend to overate their own objective value as a partner compared to potential partners (i.e. turn down the people that are likely to accept them) or understand their own value but  are simply not prepared to put up with what that gets them. 

 

I feel that my head is very sorted but my superking size bed is a big place for one!

I also think that I have a case of the friday horn.

guys 16:16 is probably spot on

there is also a huge amount of sheer luck in finding someone daft and hot enough to marry you

I think Judo (based solely on my perception which could be bs), your pool of people is probably rather limited. I get the impression you wont date anyone who doesnt have family money, went to a decent school etc.

all fair enough of course, but maybe, jsut maybe broaden your horizons?

 

The apps make it very easy to meet people who say they are single….

I think Judo from memory you are a very similar vintage to me (albeit a variety that has aged much better!)  the pool of single, age appropriate eligible chaps must be opening up significantly now as the divorces kick in surely? 

Pretty annoyed that the sexbot industry  hasn’t  really got its act together yet. The ones on that link just don’t look very believable and I bet none of them are programmed to hate your friends or send passive aggressive texts to you on Christmas Day when you haven’t spoken for 8 months

its rather like people who have houses stuck on the market for a long time complaining they cannot get what it is worth.   The  answer is that it is not worth what they think.

(this is nothing personal to Judy of course,  there are always exceptions that prove the rule and who may for all I know be an exceptional catch)

Guy - JC is very appealing. Her singleness is one of the perennial Mysteries of Rof. 

JC - I agree with DD that it is just about divorce open season and this is fine (a lot of people make foolish rash and youthful errors on #1)

Clerghers - I am reading Roxie Nafousi's book. I am going to take a day off to do a vision board.  Ih ave been a bit too busy (had a 4 week trial) to do any manifesting.

"I have been a bit too busy (had a 4 week trial) to do any manifesting".

 

heh, the hint of an explanation here...

 

(only kidding)

Not sure what a vision board is but if it involves pictures for god’s sake don’t include the one you sent me of Toryfest.  I dread to think what you’d manifest from that? Probably gout! 

I am disappointed that the KBFC Xmas drinks clashes with my work Xmas party.

how is it this hard to meet someone???

I haven't been to a RBKC Conservatives event yet. Do you think I would like anyone there JC? Met someone at the East India Club (Max Chauhan?) last week who was trying to persuade me to go to some fundraiser thing for Susan Hall next month even though she obv has no chance at the Mayoralty.

yeh, tbf I had a look at the website and  there are actually a couple of councillors who look quite hot. I may yet be persuaded.

Incel shit is basically 90% of what men end up saying on threads like this re women, men and these dynamics

 

It's only bad when I say it though 

 

Anyway it was a side conversation with a few posters early on 

As you were main thread 

Libraries, supermarkets, that’s where you meet nice men. Pull out a book and there he is on the other side of the shelf. Push the whole shelf onto him so he can’t get away and nip round to introduce yourself. Job done

"Being single is tough".  What a load of sh1te.  Assuming you don't mean single and bringing up a child, then no, it really isn't, at least not for a well educated, affluent woman living in the western world, FFS.

That is not to say that being with someone isn't much, much nicer (assuming they are the right someone for you and treat you right), but if it is actually "tough", then it's because you make it so, and you have only yourself to blame.

Heh @ “I just want integrity” followed shortly by “maybe someone at the commercial bar??”

Be honest; what you want is someone posh with sacks of cash. 

I think your type of man may be in the wilds of Northumberland. Mostly conservative and reasonably wealthy. Not pretending to be something they are not. People can be a little more straightforward in the North which rules out the Playas. 

I get the whole "single is tough" schtick regardless of how priveliged/actually single due to impossible standards and wanting RichChad, the JC perspective is 

It is tough because after a certain age it's just assumed you'll have someone and if you don't then society looks down on you 

 

Everything socially becomes predicated on you having a partner and if you don't then you're expected to be working on it non stop like you would finding a job 

 

 

Judo -  the single pool is a bit shallow on the suitable prospects front.

You’ll need to be a bit more proactive. Identify your target, and then prise him from his significant other.

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me etc.etc

heh at k. 
but it is very hard - most people have to compromise, a lucky few meet someone where there is a very high percentage of compatibility and those people are often of certain personality types. in my parents generation women were largely expected to subjugate themselves to their husband- my mother did that, largely happily, he was good to her but he wouldn’t find a woman prepared to enable his devotion to a vocation now (by her devoting herself to serving him). I suppose one might acquire a peasant girl from a poor county but not an intelligent and stylish companion - a clone of my mum now would be after her own career and independence. other side of the same coin is why it’s been so difficult to find decent secretaries for the last 20 years. my dad’s were all very capable and intelligent and were also part of enabling him to maximise his productivity in what he did - through their devotion to serving him. 

Can you and sailaw go on a date together? I feel from a read of both your posts over the years like you’d go together really well. 

IME of male members of the Tories, at least 30% are unfvckable virgins, ~10% inveterate Alan Clark style shag anything that moves, and the rest somewhere in between. 

 

"It is tough because after a certain age it's just assumed you'll have someone and if you don't then society looks down on you "

What absolute crap.   It is true that after a certain age the majority of people are coupled up and much of our society revolves around that -  but there a are still literally millions that are not and nobody is looking down on you

there will be a few people looking down on the singles - but those people are stupid or nasty or both and so don’t matter

Everyone who isn't widowed one day will be first to die. Many are widows for decades. The idea that you can get the ladder our of singleness is ridiculous. We're all on the same shitty boat that is life.

All the more reason to bang hotties when the oppo arises.

I don’t think most people look down at those who are single in (let’s be honest about where we are now) middle age any more. But if you are single and childless it may be hard to fit in to the type of socialising people tend to do as they get older (and frankly you may also just find it really dull). If you are an attractive, confident person there can be a little bit of wariness in some quarters as well about you being a temptation for partners.  I think it actually gets much better from your mid 40s as some get divorced and those who has their kids a bit earlier start to come out the other side as it were. 

Nah DD that's man talk. A lot of men don't socialise outside of their couple pod or work. I've never been able to work out whether it's cos her indoors won't allow it or because they never really wanted to and now they have an excuse. Women still have a great time in a genuine, non tedious way.

So do some men tbf.

Speaking as a man I imagine the reason for what Clergs talks about is just cos alot of men are quite "simple" when it comes to that sort of thing. I include myself in this 

 

I'm really not interested in making hundreds of new friends , having a few loyal ones and a relationship and an OK work would be quite enough for me and I'm sure it would for many of us

That famous Jack Nicholson quote about meeting more people in a month than the average person does in a lifetime as a celeb ?

Just sounds exhausting to me now tbh 

Guy I do think society looks down on us a bit. I am talking more to the male of the species here tbh. It's like "why haven't you found someone ? Are you odd/something wrong with you?"

 

I mean in my case they're right but not fair to assume innit

Hi Judy, good luck on your search.   I found Threepwood's post needlessly vindictive and nasty -  I hope everyone finds someone to love, hold and cuddle, regardless of political affiliation. 

It’s all about state of mind

Once you are ready, they will come.

You just need to be open to a bit of flirtation.

That’s great that you don’t see being single as you get older as tough cru.

From what I can see in my peer group and older -  50+ it’s really tough. 

Financially, emotionally, health wise. Buck stops with you 24/7. All the decisions, choices, responsibilities for running a house a life - on you. 

Where's the inbuilt emotional, financial, decision making support that comes from a partner or family - it’s just you. 

No one is looking out for you or even checking you made it home. Facing that as you enter next phases of life and health impacts is scary. Simple things like having someone look after you after hospital appts etc where the hospital mandate you’re collected becomes a massive humiliating challenge.  

You have far fewer choices as no one is picking up after you or throwing you a life raft. 

Shaking that off as nothing isn’t a lot of peoples lived reality.

But I’m sure you’ll be along in a minute to tell me I’m wrong because reasons.