Tourists and occasional visitors are the dumb in the mix.

They're definitely not. Gormless suits and zara "please marry me so I don't have to do this commute any more" dresses agogo 

It's always the non locals 

Looking at their phones for directions, stopping in the middle of pavements etc 

Londoners remain lively 

Also I find your sexism/classism unnecessary

Gormless suits are those occasional visitors from the Birmingham and Scots offices. We don't suit anymore, especially not gormless ones.  Heh at ZaraMarryDress, is that similar to the "seated on tube, Michael Kors (badge-side out) on my lap" woman?  That large metal MK medallion always reminds me of my mum's Kenwood foodmixer. 

It would be a lot worse if she actually felt at home here ffs

Zara dress woman is maybe a soupçon less self assured than Michael Kors performative bag woman but there's def an overlap.

I find 45 year women criticizing the dress sense of 20 something women nothing but unnecessary jealousy

Quintessential zara woman is actually c.37 or so but her age doesn't really matter because she's wasting her life on 1.5 hour one way commutes in giant hot tin tubes between a solitary box and a communal box and then back again.

She actually invented the rule that you bring a cake in on your own birthday (because it was the only way to be sure people would know).

Communal box. Grim 

It's ok there's a Thursday Funday where everyone gets to enjoy cheap wine in a plastic cup while pretending to find the boss funny.

fook you, I am funny. 

Heh

More cheap wine?

No, I don’t, People in London are perfectly well able to move about efficiently in busy places.

What Laz said

Try going South on Waterloo Bridge right about now

Working south of the river? 

Na ballers stay north 

Most people do indeed travel north. By travelling south you can observe the problem under test conditions.

That is true 

Hopefully I'll never work south of the river