this armed rozzers stuff has made me reflect

that for 2 decades + I have been travelling to Waterloo where increasing numbers of Inspector Sands folk stroll about, increasingly laden with kit  - a main weapon on a sling, pistol in a holster, a taser, more traditional beating equipment etc - and I often find myself wondering what I would do if there was an event.

My plan is that I would stay on the platform if I was just getting off or on a train, and if there was shootage then I would duck behind the pillar in the mid platforms that has the Upper Crust sandwich thing on the concourse side. On the rail side it has a large steel plate about 12mm thick as the back wall. It might offer some protection. Failing that I'd go for a pillar.

If it kicked off in my vicinity when I was concourse side I would scarper for the exit or duck down the tube steps.

An umbrella or golf club should not be underestimated as a defence weapon. Cricket bat also.   Umbrella - have it. my frend, in the eye, the other eye, the nose, the neck, one to the plumbs for good measure.  Cricket bat - back and across, cut or ramp his jawline for 4 unfieldables.   Golf club - Happy Gilmour to you, mon brave.

Feel free to travel with me for your own safety. 

Depends what kind of event you mean.  If you mean some nutter running about with a sword then I'd briefly look up from my copy of The Times and tut before continuing my way to the exit.  If there are nutters with guns then it's time to remember your Monty Python and the importance of not being seen.

I never travelled with a golf club or cricket bat and I doubt my tiny foldup umbrella would do much harm with 20/25 cms of blunt plastic with some cloth flapping around.

I think I'd try to run and hide behind the soulless clump of people looking up at the train times. 

In close combat I'd go for the not-quick enough handbag swing, followed by a missed knee to the bollocks while clinging on to my handbag that is now firmly in the grasp of the attacker and finished off by a very unflattering faceplant on my part.


I have my father's one. Nice cane handle, very fine tip, v lightweight but quite robust steel shaft and brass tipped "nib" which sharpens quite well on a pavement. Short enough to feel about right in two hands - one on the handle one half way down, canoe paddle style - letting you give it a JAB into your FACE and ANOTHER 

You have to pay extra for the reisin pellet mechanism and I don't think Dad was particularly generous in his spends. War baby.

For some reason all this has made me think of the late Andy Ripley's habit of carrying an umbrella and wearing a bowler hat while riding his motorbike to go into his office in the City.

Pez Vela25 Sep 23 12:13



The gentleman's weapon of choice for such eventualities has got to be the swordstick, surely?  

not really . an offensive weapon liable to have you on the receiving end of the armed unit

Re the bourne approach, I know by heart the code for the secret upstairs toilet at the guildford end of the concourse.  Plus there's a side exit to the smokers corner and stairs there going down to that woeful little strip with the terrible cuban restaurant.

The pillars to which mutters refers have loads of rounded rivets on them which look a bit like dalekanium.  I always hoped they would form the plot of a Dr Who episode.

My London terminus on the rare occasions I come to London is Euston which has pretty much zero hiding places (or anything else) on the concourse. I suppose I could try and distract them by asking the best way to get to the circle line and feign ignorance of the existence of Euston Square station. 

I’ve just started watching that Idris Elba series Hijack and concluded my main tactic would be to hope there is somebody like his character there (think Harry Enfield’s only me guy) who the hijackers would surely want to kill first.