After last week's spectacular revelation of the lines penned to Ince & Co (check it out here), RollOnFriday's readers have been busy with rhyming dictionaries coming up with poetry celebrating other firms. Here are just a few of the very best received. And if you've got a limerick - or something even more ambitious - to share, here's where you should send it.

Lines Composed at Harper Macleod

I once worked at Harper Macleod,
A fact of which I am not proud,
And toiled away to my sorrow
At the terrible Ca'd'oro.
Oh how I hated working there,
A hellish place of dark despair,
But then there came the blessed day
I slipped my chains and ran away!

Ode to Dechert

The problem with working at Decherts
Is that being neglected, by 'eck, 'urts.
There's no praise or thanks
To be had from the Yanks
And they'll throttle you till your damn neck 'urts.

    Poet Lawyerate

Finally, a really quite extraordinary epic, entitled simply The Firm.

Come kneel before me and renounce your pride
For see this training contract by my side?
Its presence must assure you, surely
For your future can now rest securely
Your gallant search and torturous agony
Have now ceased amid this contractual alchemy
Yet one small correction to your logical assumption
Is that there is no law firm authorised to function
But rest yourself here, my unpaid helper
In two months' time you shall be ensconced in shelter

For now you can assist my financial firm
Free of charge, but this is just short-term
So come and meet my travelled business partner
Do you know the phrase "persona non grata"?
You can work upstairs on the legal side
As this building is somewhat Jekyll and Hyde
Downstairs your concentration may go missing
Amid the nothing-to-worry-about trade floor hissing
And now for some preliminary lessons before school:
1) Ignore those threads on The Motley Fool
2) Overlook those rumours of powdered incentive
As the boys downstairs are merely attentive
But worry not for these teenagers running astray
For they are all regulated by the FSA

Two months have passed and I feel your pain
But insurance is near impossible to obtain
I assure you my efforts have been most strenuous
So do not think of me as disingenuous
For your eyes suggest some insincerity
Like they have seen all my minions toiling voluntarily
And whilst this problem may seem incurable
With the masses declaring me uninsurable
I know a man who may well assist
His name sits atop my 'desperation' list
So dwell not on your impecuniosity
Or my shortcomings or toxicity
For soon you will be bestowed with title 'Trainee'
With the reassuring nod of the Solicitors Regulation Authority

And just six months on I deliver the news
We now have the authority and this is no excuse
But I understand there is a minimum trainee remuneration
And let me say this before any accusation
If I sign your contract I am legally liable
But the firm is new, making salaries unviable
Yet I am a man of honour and so consider this fact
I have signed your training contract aka our suicide pact

I can confirm the practice is now expanding
But I am keen to ensure no misunderstanding
So I will say the new branches are not run by me
To avoid paying you any salary
Same name, same brand, no separation
But worry yourself not with this complication
And I recall some time ago when I did my training
Trainees had to pay, so consider that before complaining
And consider the level of experience you are getting
Whilst simultaneously forgetting potentially abetting
Crooks and mobsters' nefarious activities
And this firm's unrelentingly suspicious proclivity
Like continuously defrauding every creditor
As if a desensitised experienced criminal predator
And continuously taking on new employees
With scant regard to current liabilities
But when the requests come in requiring payment
From the innocent and desperate victim claimant
Our defence will say there has been no transgression
For we are merely victims of this crippling recession

Now worry not about the SRA
As they storm the office as if Bastille Day
And worry not about finding a legal recruiter
Amid the words "do not touch another file or your computer"
And yes there is talk of an instant intervention
Amid allegations of serious contraventions
Like breaches of accounts rules and conduct
But I cannot be liable for this illegal construct
There must be someone else I can assign the blame
For fear of further tarnishing my soiled name
I have also been informed of something just for good measure
Our insurance broker is residing at Her Majesty's pleasure
Yet despite all this, we can surely still function
If we wilfully ignore this sealed court injunction

Bravissimo, and we're told it's a true story, too. If you can match that - an extremely tough ask - do send it in.
Tip Off ROF


Anonymous 30 March 12 14:50

The life of a lawyer:

punctuating some;
points with semi-colons; and
ending with full-stops.